I always RECLINE my seat despite the howls of plus-sized passengers who moan I’m invading their space, says KENNEDY in a hilarious and VERY blunt pronouncement on in-flight etiquette. So do you dare to agree?
People are pagans. We’ve been sliding down the crass ramp of made-up issues since the days of Britney without a conservator, but the pandemic brought out the worst in people and we’ve forgotten the public rules of engagement.
This is most evident in airplanes, and I feel I’ve been compelled – indeed compelled – to straighten out some seriously stupid people.
Sure, I could spill a lot of ink on the horrors of visiting the airborne toilet in your socks or forgetting to bring your Gas-X before boarding, but we need to focus on the bigger issue here.
Warning: This is about to get as controversial as pineapple on pizza.
Unless you’re married to a Kardashian or have one of those mystery jobs that let you fly and earn points and perks, you’re stuck with me and all the other big unwashed in the carriage.
And here the most curious argument of us stinking masses has emerged, and it has become an unnecessary point of endless frustration.
To lean back – or not to lean back?
But for me it’s not a question.
A new video has surfaced of the latest altercation at 30,000 feet, involving a staunch anti-recline extremist. It all happened on a flight from Paris to LA in early August.
The viral clip shows a woman – stiff-armed and tense – preventing the passenger in front of her from reclining her seat. “Respect the person behind you,” the fanatic shouted.
A new video has surfaced of the latest altercation at 30,000 feet, involving a staunch anti-recline extremist. It all happened on a flight from Paris to LA in early August.
Sure, I could spill a lot of ink on the horrors of visiting the airborne toilet in your socks or forgetting to bring your Gas-X before boarding, but we need to focus on the bigger issue here.
Yes, a reclining chair is seen by some irrational idiots as a bull’s-eye of public decency, but to those who are mortified if I tilt my chair back just two inches, I say suck it. Don’t be mean if I choose to lean.
It seems to me that people who get angry when they lean back – which, I might add, is a FUNCTION of the chair and not a malfunction – are the very same people who shout swear words at opponents during major sporting events.
They’re the people who go up against umpires at their kids’ softball game, and are in the same league as those who scrape someone else’s car at Christmas while fighting over parking spots at the mall.
They’re the worst of the worst, the fighters who feel they’re entitled to loot without a fair-won victory, and they just love to take vociferous stances to score points in a game no one else wants to play .
Don’t get me wrong: I’m an avid follower of in-flight etiquette.
Every time I get on a plane, I help people with their bags (which embarrasses my kids endlessly, especially since I often wear navy blue and act like an off-duty flight attendant), share crackers from my snack box with riding mates, and I make sure to always tuck my backpack under the seat so I don’t take up all the space in the overhead bins like other selfish, overstuffed hackers.
It seems to me that people who get angry when they lean back – which, I might add, is a FUNCTION of the chair and not a malfunction – are the very same people who shout swear words at opponents during major sporting events.
(On this note: It would be great for all of us to revisit the famous montage of George Clooney classic “Up In The Air,” in which he teaches packing and behavior to those who stink of plane travel.)
But when it comes to the rules for sitting back, I just don’t budge.
Now I can already hear the horse-hitting suckers yelling, “Oh, but Kennedy, leaning your chair back is far more selfish than taking up too much space!” I’m a very fat person and it’s hard for me to get out of my row when you’re barely an inch in my personal space!’
Kennedy is a Fox News commentator, former MTV VJ and host of the ‘Kennedy Saves the World’ podcast
Listen, I’m not here to be ashamed. I hope it makes you happy to have a little more support for pushing. But your personal choice to skip the gym, forego Ozempic, or any other path to nutritional responsibility has no bearing on my personal choice to kick back as I please.
After paying the same as you, why should I be forced to sit up just because Lizzo told you how sexy and empowering your obesity is?
So let’s make a deal: You’ll let me rest peacefully by not forcing me to take a nap like a steel stake was placed on my bottom – and I’ll let you vacuum the entire dessert table at Golden Corral, yes?
In an effort to avoid mile-high busts, some airlines have resorted to “reclining” seats.
But is a one-size-fits-all system the solution to easing the social tensions created by a tyrannical minority of melodramatic fliers? Absolutely not.
The whole point of the adjustable design is to provide relief when passing, to shake things up when flying long distances from Texas to Turks and Caicos. And who wants to eat while lounging at an angle of 45 degrees?
So it is clear: any possible tilting of the chair backwards is laughably anodyne and should not require any further cultural discussion.
And for those considering investing in terror tools that block leaning, like the ‘Knee Defender’ (Google it, it really exists), save your money and put it in your honey hole so the rest of us can spare your drone.