A man has left the internet divided after admitting he wants his wife to go to therapy before he lets her be alone with their children.
The unnamed husband and father took to Reddit to share the reasons behind his insistence that his wife undergo mental health treatment, detailing a specific incident that left him concerned that she could not properly care for their young twins.
“My (30M) wife (26F) gave birth to twins in October,” the man wrote in the Am I The A**hole subreddit.
“A boy and a girl,” he continued. ‘Our son had lung problems at birth, which is relevant to this.’
A man’s example of his wife seeking therapy has divided internet users after he admitted he doesn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone with their babies – unless she seeks help (stock image)
The man went on to explain that two weeks before he shared his post, their son held his breath for the first time.
“For those lucky enough not to know what they are, they are when a baby holds their breath out of fear, pain or shock,” he wrote.
According to Mount Sinai It is not uncommon in young children, who, when confronted with an upsetting situation or sudden pain, may hold their breath, causing them to turn bluish or pale and faint.
“While alarming to parents, breath-holding spells are generally not harmful,” the site said.
However, the man’s wife was unaware of the condition and was inconsolable when it happened.
“At the breath-hold, my wife was distraught,” the father recalled. She didn’t know what to do and had a panic attack herself.’
His wife managed to contact her father, who came over and looked after their children until she calmed down.
“They then went to the ER and that’s where I met them,” he recalls. “My FIL (father-in-law) knew what was going on, but my wife insisted on going to the ER because of our son’s lung problem.”
The father said ‘fortunately’ that their son is doing well, but his wife cannot cope well with the shock.
“Her anxiety has gotten a million times worse and she hasn’t been alone with the kids since that incident,” he explained. ‘While I’m at work, she usually spends the day with her parents and then I pick her up after work.
“Her parents are okay with this because they love her and the kids, but I’m afraid she no longer trusts herself as a mother,” he admitted.
“She told me she wants to be alone with the kids again during the day, but I think she needs to have at least one therapy appointment beforehand.”
Reactions to the post were varied; with some criticizing the man for his resistance to letting his wife be alone with their children, while others claimed he did it out of concern
The concerned husband said her insomnia had become “extremely bad” since the incident with her son, and she cannot be away from the children without having another panic attack.
“I’m worried about how she’ll manage on her own, but she thinks I’m an AH for suggesting she can’t take care of her own children,” he said, asking “AiTA?”
He later updated the post to clarify that he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with her reaction, just that she is traumatized by what happened and needs to see someone.
Reactions to the post were varied; Some criticized the man for his resistance to leaving his wife alone with their children, while others claimed he did it out of concern.
‘That’s EXACTLY the way I see it too. In that case, therapy can be helpful. I feel like OP is acting out of concern and not contempt,” one user wrote.
‘NTA. She is a first-time mother of a child with health problems, it is normal to be nervous,” another agreed. “While her reaction was extreme, and I agree she would benefit from talking to someone about it, if this is a one-off, let her try to resolve it.”
“You are completely undermining her as a parent, which will only exacerbate her feelings of inadequacy,” another argued. ‘She did what she had to do when she was in crisis and now she feels better. Who are you to say she can’t be alone with her own children?’
Others chimed in about their own postpartum experience.
“She’s probably so anxious and stressed that she doesn’t even feel like she has time for therapy,” one woman commented. ‘Like you, I had a terrible experience and it took me years to get help. It would be so helpful for her to get a little help now, instead of living in a constant state of fight or flight due to trauma already experienced.”