A couple who have been married for 36 years but haven't slept together in two years claim the key to a lasting relationship is getting your partner to date and have sex with other people.
Lisa Van Sand, 60, and Everett Harlow, 63, from Florida, are more in love than ever after opening up their marriage to others and becoming a polyamorous couple.
After 23 years of being monogamous, Lisa and Everett threw traditional norms out the window and are now each in several other relationships – while still being married to each other.
And now the couple even chooses each other's outfits for date nights with people, as they shared that despite being in other relationships, they still “choose” each other.
Lisa, 60, and Everett, 63, from Florida, are more in love than ever after opening up their marriage to others and becoming a polyamorous couple
After 23 years of being monogamous, Lisa and Everett threw traditional norms out the window (pictured after tying the knot in 1987)
And now the couple even chooses each other's outfits for date nights with people, as they shared that despite being in other relationships, they still “choose” each other.
Having never strayed apart before, Everett revealed that he had slept with a mutual friend in 2010.
And shockingly, Lisa was “grateful” that her husband had shared the news with her, prompting the couple to decide to explore options within their marriage.
Now, some thirteen years later, the couple has never looked back on their decision to start dating others.
Everett, a woodworker, has since had five relationships and Lisa has three long-term boyfriends, all living in different states.
Lisa, a polyamorous coach, said, “Our marriage isn't for everyone, but it certainly works for us.
“Many married couples live parallel lives but without connections, but Everett and I love each other but happen to date other people.”
The 60-year-old said that both she and her husband could find different qualities that they love in other people, but that neither of them necessarily have.
She explained that while she looked for men who were “natural romantics,” Everett looked for women with “a high sex drive.”
Now, five years later, the couple has not looked back on their decision to start dating others
The 60-year-old said that both she and her husband could find different qualities that they like in other people, but neither of them necessarily have them.
Lisa said, “We can find great qualities in other partners that we don't bring to the table for each other.
'My husband is not a romantic person by nature, so he loves that I have found people who treat me romantically.
“Everett, however, is looking for a physical connection because he has a higher sex drive than I do.”
She noted that despite not having slept together in two years, they are closer than ever before.
Lisa said communication is extremely important for the couple and that's why they always keep each other 'in the loop' about their dating life.
She explained, “We haven't slept together since 2021, but we are emotionally closer than ever since opening our relationship.
'We keep each other informed about everything. When I go on a date, Everett even helps me choose what to wear.”
She noted that the couple is having the best time exploring other options, but they will never leave each other.
“We are having the time of our lives, but in the end we will always choose each other,” she added.
Lisa said communication is extremely important for the couple and that's why they always keep each other 'in the loop' about their dating life
She noted that the couple has the best time exploring other options, but they will never leave each other (seen at the beginning of their relationship).
Lisa and Everett became engaged in 1986, just two months after meeting, and married in 1987.
And they have always been open to the addition of other sexual partners within their marriage.
Although swinging was on their mind, they both agreed it would be “a step too far” because they wanted “real connections.”
In October 2019, the 63-year-old started a relationship with another woman. Three months later, Lisa entered for her own country.
After becoming a polyamorous couple, Lisa joined an online BDSM community, FetLife, where she could learn more about boundaries and communication.
The couple revealed that they consider themselves in a parallel polyamorous relationship, meaning they date other people separately while still being married to each other.
Lisa is currently in three different relationships, all of which lasted four years.
“Dating other people has helped us experience outlets that we miss with each other. In polyamory, everyone has the right to be jealous, but it is the person's responsibility to deal with their jealousy.
Lisa is currently in three different relationships, all of which lasted four years
Everett added, “Lisa and I practice polyamory at the kitchen table, where each other's partners become part of our circle of friends.”
'We never had jealousy because we had partners, but it meant that the other partner wasn't looking for monogamy.
“Some people have their own opinions about polyamory, but that's their business. “I'm not a horny housewife who wants sex,” she said.
She also described the love she shares with Everett.
Lisa said: 'I'm married to my best friend, but I'm also looking for real connections and I've found them in three different partners. I love going on dates with my friends; we will eat, have drinks or visit interesting museum exhibitions.
'We are 100% transparent with each other regarding our relationships; it's the only way we've been able to make it work. Some people may say we're kidding ourselves, but me and my husband are closer than ever before.
'We communicate better than some monogamous couples and we are closer than ever.'
Everett added, “Lisa and I practice polyamory at the kitchen table, with each other's partners becoming part of our circle of friends.
'I consider some of Lisa's partners my friends even though we actually get along. We boys can talk about football and that prevents Lisa from hearing about it.'