How to talk with kids about school shootings and other traumatic events
The US is dealing with another school shooting: two students and two teachers were killed Wednesday at a school in Georgia. At least nine other people — eight students and one teacher — were taken to the hospital with injuries.
The effects of a shooting on a community are felt long after the tragedy of that day. But a shooting like the most recent in Winder, Georgiacan have physical, emotional and behavioral consequences for all children.
Many health experts, including psychologists and grief counselors, remind people that there are resources available to support students’ mental and emotional health during the grieving process.
This is how families with traumatic experiences in their children should deal with it.
It takes time to process emotions, regardless of age, so adults should start by taking care of themselves. That said, experts encourage parents to have conversations with their children and not avoid the topic, if children indicate they are willing to talk about it.
“If they don’t hear about it from you as a parent, they will hear about it from their friends at school,” says Emilie Ney, director of professional development at the National Association of School Psychologists.
According to the GGD guidelines, it is okay for caregivers to say that they do not have all the answers and that they do not force the conversation. the National Network for Traumatic Stress in ChildrenBeing available and patient is the key.
This isn’t just a job for parents and caregivers. All adults need to remember to be available to the children in their lives. After all, not all children have adults they can talk to, said Crystal Garrant, director of programs at Sandy Hook Promise, a nonprofit that works to prevent suicides and mass shootings.
For example, she said, adults who work in preschool or afterschool programs need to ask children in their care open-ended questions, engage in community-building activities or provide other opportunities for children to share openly. Otherwise, they may not have the opportunity to do so.
It depends on the child, but children’s developmental levels in the way they understand a situation vary, Ney said.
“There’s no specific age target for these conversations,” said Garrant, who has a 9-year-old daughter. “But make sure younger kids understand the word you’re using. When we talk about safety, what does it mean to feel safe? What does that feel like in your body? What does it sound like when you’re not safe?”
Some children may have emotional and behavioral responses to traumatic events, such as anxiety, nightmares or concentration problems.
Younger children need simple information and reassurance that their schools and homes are safe, and guidance from the National Association of School Psychologists notes. Older children have a deeper understanding and may benefit from being told what agency they have to keep themselves safe.
Recognizing, acknowledging and validating children’s emotions is essential, said Beverly Warnock, executive director of the National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children in Cincinnati.
“You have to express those feelings and be honest,” she said. “Don’t try to suppress the feelings or not talk about them. It’s something that you’re going to carry with you for the rest of your life.”
According to Ney, dealing with their emotions after a shooting can be confusing and frustrating for people.
“The stages of grief are not necessarily sequential. People can go in and out of different stages, and it may not really hit someone until a week later,” Ney said.
Psychologists hope to convince people that their feelings are normal and that they don’t have to pretend that they aren’t affected by them.
“Even if you don’t know anyone who’s involved, even if they’re very far away from you, it’s okay to grieve,” Ney said. “It shows that you care about others.”
Warnock said it’s comforting to know that life goes on, after acknowledging the emotional reaction.
“You will find a coping skill, and you will be able to enjoy life again,” she said. “You may not feel that way now, but it will happen. It will just take time.”
If you or someone you know is in distress due to a mass shooting, you can call the 24/7 National Disaster Distress Helpline. The number is 1-800-985-5990, and Spanish speakers can press “2” for bilingual support. To connect directly with a crisis counselor in American Sign Language, dial 1-800-985-5990 from your video intercom.
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