How to reject a date: Louanne ward’s four rules for bowing out

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How to REJECT a partner: Relationship expert lists her four rules for telling a date you don’t want to see them anymore – so do you agree?

  • Louanne Ward has revealed how to reject a date with dignity in four steps
  • She said the process is the best way to let them down without ghosting
  • It involves warning them of impending bad news and apologising first
  • You then deliver the news and leave them to walk away with all the positives

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Relationship expert Louanne Ward has revealed her four-step process for letting a date know you don’t want to see them anymore – without ghosting them. 

‘One of the most challenging things about dating is rejection, not only being rejected but having to reject someone,’ Louanne, from Perth, said.

‘In fact the thought of emotional confrontation or uncomfortable conversation can become so awkward rather than simply telling someone you don’t want to see them anymore you may decide to take the easy road of avoiding and or ghosting.

‘So how do you tell someone who you “should” be attracted to – who ticks all of your boxes, who has done everything right that you don’t see it working, that they aren’t what you’re looking for?’

Relationship expert Louanne Ward has revealed her four-step process for letting a date know you don’t want to see them anymore – without ghosting them 

Poll

How would you reject someone you are dating?

  • Face to face conversation 61 votes
  • Quick text 16 votes
  • Phone call 14 votes
  • Ghosting 12 votes

STEP 1: WARN THEM THAT BAD NEWS IS COMING 

Unlike constructive criticism this prepares the person rather than leading them into a false sense of security. 

‘If you know you don’t want to move things forward it is best to close the door once and for all,’ Louanne said.

‘Warn the person bad news is coming’

STEP 2: APOLOGISE FOR WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SAY 

This helps soften the receiver’s reaction to you. 

‘Use “I’m sorry”, “I apologise”, “I’m regretful there is no easy way to say this.”,’ Louanne said.

Three reasons its hard to tell someone you don’t want to see them anymore

1. The possibility of backlash

Nobody likes to be the bearer of bad news. You act as the messenger and the old saying of don’t shoot the messenger rings true. Putting yourself in the potential firing line of a verbal splaying or an unwanted negotiation to talk you out of a decision you have already made keeps you in the freeze mode rather than in the flight mode where you prefer to be.

2. The fear of not being liked

When you don’t have the skills, knowledge or understanding of how to handle the repercussions of the receiver’s reaction it leaves you vulnerable to not being liked. Nobody wants to walk away being labeled the bad guy when in truth you’ve done nothing wrong.

3. Feeling bad for hurting someone’s feelings 

This is especially true for compassionate people with a high degree of empathy. The thought of letting someone down or hurting their feelings especially when they have done nothing wrong is hard. It can leave you with an emotional hangover of guilt or shame even when you’ve done nothing wrong except being honest.

STEP 3: DELIVER THE NEWS

Tell the truth and share anything you feel is important for the person to know. 

Give them the reason you are deciding not to continue moving forward with them. 

Tell the truth and share anything you feel is important for the person to know 

STEP 4: LEAVE THEM WITH ALL THE POSITIVES

‘Tell them all the things you appreciate and the positive aspects you have seen in them,’ Louanne said.

‘People always remember the last thing you say. 

‘The last thing you say affects the way the person feels and people remember the way you made them feel.’

Dating App Dictionary: What people say online vs. what they mean

‘Sorry for the late reply I am terrible at dating apps’

‘I am not serious about meeting someone. It’s a game to me.’ 

‘I’ll message you later in the week to make a plan’

‘I am keeping my options open in case something better comes up.’ 

‘I’m new here and don’t really know how everything works’

‘I expect you to teach me and make allowances for my ignorance.’ 

‘I just like to know someone before meeting them in person’

‘I am going to analyse everything you say and make judgements before I even meet you.’ 

‘I didn’t mean to ghost you, life has been really crazy’

‘It’s all about me, you’re feelings are not important.’ 

WHAT THEY SAY: ‘It’s nice to finally match with someone normal’ WHAT THEY MEAN: ‘I think I am better than other people’

‘I don’t like talking on the phone I prefer to communicate via text’

‘I am hiding something.’ 

‘Are you communicating with anyone else? You are the only person I am talking to’

‘I am needy and have unrealistic expectations.’ 

‘It’s nice to finally match with someone normal’ 

‘I think I am better than other people.’ 

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