NEW YORK — When Kate Kleinart fell victim to a romance scam, it wasn’t the thousands of dollars she lost that hurt most, but the love she believed existed between her and the person who scammed her.
“Losing the love was worse than losing the money,” said Kleinart, 70, who lost tens of thousands of people over several months to a romance scam.
Last year, the Federal Trade Commission received more than 64,000 reports of romance scams, which translated into $1.14 billion in reported losses.
Romance scams often target lonely and isolated individuals, said Will Maxson, deputy director of the Division of Marketing Practices at the FTC.
What starts as a simple conversation turns into a sudden romantic connection. But a major giveaway is when someone asks for money because something has happened in their life and they need help. According to the FTC, the lies scammers use include that they or someone close to them is sick, injured or in jail. Another is: “I can teach you how to invest.”
If you want to protect yourself and your loved ones from romance scams, here are some recommendations from experts.
From her personal experience, Kleinart advises people to be vigilant if a new Facebook friend looks exceptionally good-looking, asks you to download WhatsApp to communicate, tries to isolate you from friends and family, and/or becomes romantic very quickly .
“If you see that photo of a really good-looking person, ask someone younger in your life — a child, a grandchild, a niece or a nephew — to help you do a reverse image search or identify the photo ,” she said.
The man in photos Kleinart received was a plastic surgeon from Spain whose photos were stolen and used by scammers.
Especially for older adults, romance scams are among the most common, says Kathy Stokes, director of fraud prevention at AARP.
“A lot of older adults are now getting into the online dating world, they have a lot of conversations online, they go on a lot of dates, but that leads them to scammers who then convince them to give them money and send it abroad,” says Genevieve Waterman of the National Council on Aging. However, she noted that people of all ages can fall for a romance scam.
One of the best ways to raise awareness about scams is to talk about them. Waterman recommends that families talk about scams more often in their daily lives.
“I like the idea of sitting around the table and talking about (scams) and making it more common,” Waterman said.
It is common for scammers to make victims feel like they need to take action right away, making them more vulnerable to a story that may not seem plausible if they are not under pressure. When having a conversation about scams with your family members, it is important to highlight that aspect of scams.
When having complicated conversations, it is better to adopt an informative approach rather than an authoritative tone, especially with your older relatives. Since your parents or grandparents have a lot of expertise in other life topics, approaching a conversation by imposing your ideas may not have the best effect.
When Stokes has conversations with her mother about scams, she approaches the conversation by saying she’s heard about a new kind of scam and asks questions like, “What do you think about this?” instead of using language like, “Hey mom, there’s a scam going on, don’t fall for it.”
Aquarius also recommends having conversations as a family, including with younger members, and making sure you make it clear that scams target everyone, regardless of age.
“It’s about staying vigilant together as a family and not provoking the older adult, but just explaining that (scams) are becoming more and more sophisticated,” Waterman said.
If your family member has already lost money to a scam, Stokes recommends approaching the conversation with a lot of empathy.
“We tend to blame the victim,” Stokes said. “If you are confronted with another adult in your life who has suffered a fraud loss, understand that it is a crime.”
Stokes encourages people to think of scammers as organized groups with lots of resources, rather than a random person calling from their mother’s basement. Stokes says people should think about these crimes like any other and therefore have empathy for the victims.
If you or a family member has been the victim of a scam, it is good practice to report it. You can report scams on the FTC’s website.
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A version of this story was moved in August 2023. This story has been updated with new details and quotes.
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