How to get to the top: Don’t seek out a mentor, toughen up and ALWAYS say sorry. FARRAH STORR reveals the secrets of career success

A few months ago a special envelope fell through my letterbox. It was a letter from Buckingham Palace.

I would be awarded an MBE for my services to magazine journalism – a world in which I have spent 25 years of my career editing magazines such as Cosmopolitan and Elle.

I started thinking about how I ended up in such a position. After all, there are no courses on how to be a good leader. No one told me how to navigate to the top.

There was no manual on how and when to take risks, make big leaps of faith, and even (whisper it) how to fail to push yourself forward.

How did I do it? The answer is not that simple. I suspect I’ve done as much wrong as right. I’ve been listening a lot. I certainly watched a lot.

And so I’ve put together a list of things I wish I had been told when I was at the bottom, but also when I got to the top, to help you achieve career success, no matter what your field is. …

Can’t find a mentor

Every “girl boss” on earth says “get a mentor.” I know that almost every Gen Zer thinks they can’t be successful unless someone is constantly encouraging them. They’re wrong.

When you’re starting out, you want as many different perspectives as possible. You don’t want an old Yoda teaching you everything they’ve learned, including their prejudices. Instead, watch and take notes.

There’s no point in lobbying the CEO of your favorite company when you’re fresh out of college because they’re too advanced to remember the pain of just making tea for managers.

Instead, look for someone who is just a few steps ahead on the career ladder. Ask for their advice as if the thought just occurred to you. Keep it accessible.

Understand that you won’t be here forever

A career is always evolving, even if you feel like you’re stuck right now. In fact, recognizing that you’re stuck is the first step to moving forward.

The perfect job only exists in retrospect

We are always told to aim for the top, as if ‘the top’ is the place where happiness lives. That’s not it.

Usually the tops are long hours, loneliness, responsibility and the constant fear of losing everything. When I think about the jobs I was happiest in, they are invariably the jobs where I was grinding my teeth to get to the top. It’s so much freer down there; you have less to lose and people are nicer to you. Remember this the next time it all feels hard.

Reaching the top should not be a ‘goal’

Charmless leaders are usually those who aim for the top for status and not for purpose. But pursuing something simply because of what you think it communicates about you to the world almost always ends in unhappiness, not least because no one really cares whether you’re at the top or not.

After the slap on the back, you’re simply left with a job full of responsibility that relies on passion, dedication and a real purpose to get you through.

Connect with your boss by asking for help

The older you get, the more you realize that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes balls to tell your boss that you’re having a hard time. And remember: good bosses want to help.

Underneath it all, every boss is afraid that his staff hates them. So asking for help is basically a way of saying, “I like you and I rate you.” Who wouldn’t be impressed by that?

Get up early – for everything

Besides being good manners, people notice things like this. You are considered reliable. And no matter how ‘casual’ a workplace expresses itself, every office wants someone who is reliable.

Kindness is the secret of networking

When I was in my twenties, I was told that the best way to network was to go out and “meet people.” That meant going to every sickening work party, as well as those “networking events” that were of no use to anyone. The truth is, if you don’t have anything substantive to offer, few people will want to network with you.

Networking is not a transactional dance, it’s about being kind. Be nice to someone for no other reason than you can, and he or she will return the favor at some point.

The people I know with the best networks are also among the friendliest. They give more than they receive. And they start giving. Think about what you can do for someone before you think about what he or she can do for you.

Make your paycheck

When you get a promotion, you don’t just get a raise. Expectations are also changing. So louder. Expect things to get harder and people to rely on you more than before.

Regardless of your role, reach out to the boss

I have been a boss for more than half of my career. It was lonely. So if a coworker reaches out to check in, invites you over, or chats while you’re doing terrible work, know that the boss will always remember it.

Say sorry and you will never have a bad day

It is impossible for anyone to come to you once you have held up your hands and apologized. It’s so disarming that no one can stay angry. Try it…you will be amazed.