How to give up alcohol: Mother-of-two Danni Carr reveals how she quit binge drinking
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“I don’t have a big one,” she promised as she stayed for a cheeky drink with her friends as they picked up their kids for a sleepover.
Hours later, her daughter kept her hair off her face and rubbed her back as she vomited uncontrollably, trying to pass it on as food poisoning.
Binge drinking was a way of life for Danni Carr, who grew up in regional Victoria and had her first big night on the booze when she was 13.
“Everyone did that on the weekend,” she told FEMAIL.
Danni Carr, 45, (pictured) quit alcohol four and a half years ago after binge drinking since the age of 13
The mother of two stopped drinking with her husband, Ash Grunwald, after her daughter, Aria, who was 10 at the time, had to hold her hair back one afternoon while she vomited. Her son Sunny, also pictured, was six at the time
For the next 27 years, she struggled with moderation. One drink turned into 10 and then she’d wake up, wondering how her kids had gotten to bed, and drifting into a dark headroom of depression, anxiety, and self-loathing.
Danni, who has now been sober for four and a half years after being off the booze for good, said she often “started the party” with a glass of wine while cooking dinner before rushing through the bedtime routine so she could keep drinking.
She’d wake up with a dry mouth, in bad headroom, and vow she wouldn’t drink again, or at least stop at one or two only to end up in the same situation the following weekend.
Danni says that although she was not an alcoholic, she did have an alcohol problem and had known it for a while.
“It’s what’s now known as a gray zone drinker,” she said.
But it wasn’t until that afternoon when her ten-year-old daughter had to hold her hair back that she realized how important it was to get rid of her binge eating.
“I told her I had food poisoning. But she knew, and she would make little comments here and there. I didn’t want to live that life anymore,” Danni said.
This photo shows how a typical nighttime drinking would go for the mother, who would get drunk almost every time, even if she only had a few wines with dinner
Danni and Ash (pictured) decided to participate in a sobriety challenge on January 1, 2018 and have not had any alcohol since then
The mother of two remembers waking up at about 11pm that night, hearing her friends laughing with her kids in the living room, and being almost too embarrassed to leave her room.
“They were supposed to have a nice date for their anniversary and I should have had a movie night with the kids, but I said yes to a drink and ruined everything,” she said.
Weeks later, Danni’s best friend told her she would be “sober” in 2018 — not drinking alcohol for 12 months to improve her health.
“I’ve never jumped on board so quickly. I didn’t even think about it, I said I would and I haven’t had a drink since,” she explained.
She suggested her singer husband Ash take the challenge as well and he jumped on board without hesitation.
Before they knew it, they had a huge crew, including Ash’s best friend and fellow musician Scott Owen and his girlfriend.
“Every time we thought we were going to have a drink, we would message the group and they would help us get over it,” she said.
Ash, who is a musician, now drinks non-alcoholic beer before gigs
Danni said some people “dropped out” after a few weeks, but a good core kept their promise to stay sober all year.
The two couples continued after the first 12 months because they felt so good.
“It was getting to the end of 12 months and I was nervous about drinking again,” she said.
“I had been on breaks for a few months and thought I could handle being in the same room again.
“I love my life now. I can get up and spend time with my kids and don’t feel like I have to rush them to bed for a drink.”
Danni’s biggest problem with quitting drinking was learning to “sit with her uncomfortable feelings” in social situations.
She often feels anxious and uncomfortable around people and used alcohol to wash away those insecurities.
“It was the hardest in the first few weeks, I started to realize I was uncomfortable, then my cheeks turned red and I started sweating. I ended up going home a few times early,” she said.
“I think it was a feeling of being out of place and not belonging, in a way that it never goes away, but I’ve learned to deal with it now, which is huge.
Danni says she loves waking up and sticking to the plans she’s made with her kids because she’s not too hungover to persevere
“I’m definitely more confident. By the end of the first year, I could go anywhere without worrying about it. The four of us were all strong,’ she said.
Danni said she had to “learn to love herself” again after hating everything for years.
“Once I quit alcohol, I found that I had more time to sit with myself and really feel my emotions. I couldn’t ignore them any longer, so I was able to process things that I’ve been holding on to for a long time,” she said.
“I found my self-esteem again and was able to do that deep inner work to really love and love myself.”
Danni is organizing a session on the upcoming bidfest where she will talk about learning to love and love your body.
She has also become a sobriety coach and has helped thousands quit drinking for good.
Danni said she had a huge desire for wine when her beloved father (pictured together) died in 2021, but knew the desire was her body’s response to the pain and sadness she was feeling.
But there have been some close calls.
The first “came out of nowhere” when she was cooking dinner one day.
“I had the music on and the pasta on the stove and I had an overwhelming need for a red wine,” she said.
This happened in the first 12 months, so she messaged her other sober friends who had her back.
“They told me to go out and have a cup of tea, so I did and then the feeling passed,” she said.
The second came when her beloved father passed away in 2021 and Danni was overwhelmed with powerful emotions.
It had been three years since her last drink, but the craving became more intense than ever, she could almost taste the wine on her lips.
“This time I knew exactly what it was, I didn’t want to feel these big feelings,” she said.
“The grief was so intense, but I reminded myself how much responsibility I have – I have my podcast, I’m a sobriety coach.
Danni said she ignored her urge to go to the bottle shop and instead went to bed, where she curled up into a ball and cried, feeling all her grief.
“I had to feel the feelings. Being sober doesn’t mean everything is easy. I had to face those feelings,” she said.
Busy mom now drinks cups of tea at gigs and says she’s fine and won’t drink again
Danni said she sometimes indulges in non-alcoholic beers and gins, but leaves the wine alone.
“I think that’s going to trigger me, people really have to tune in to what will and won’t happen,” she said.
“But they’re great tools for sobriety.”
Danni said people should be more open about sobriety with their friends and family so they can share their journey with those they love most.
She has a podcast “How I Quit Alcohol” that features other ex-drinkers, how they quit, and when they realized they had to.