If you can plan well, it could lead to a more peaceful death, an expert says.
Los Angeles resident Julie McFadden, known on social media as Hospice Nurse Julie, regularly uploads videos about death and what happens at the end of someone’s life.
In a recent clip, she talked about what you can do to make your passing peaceful, saying it all comes down to preparation and acceptance.
“That’s one of the biggest things I see,” she explained. “People who plan for death tend to have a more peaceful death than people who don’t plan for death.”
“A prepared versus an unprepared death — that’s what I’ve seen in all of my patients,” she explained.
According to Julie McFadden, a hospice nurse in Los Angeles, you may die a more peaceful death if you plan well.
Julie said she noticed that patients who were “willing to talk about the difficult things” died more peacefully.
‘[That means] willing to ask questions like, ‘How long do you think I have left? What can I expect? What do I need to do before I die to make this easier for my family?'” she listed.
From her experience as a hospice nurse, I know that people have better lives and more peaceful endings when these questions are asked.
Julie shared a story about a patient who passed away peacefully, surrounded by his family.
She explained that the patient was in a hospice and that her condition began to decline after about 20 minutes.
“He started having strange changes in his breathing, so this was a sudden decline and it looked like he was going to die suddenly,” she recalled, adding that the sudden change was “actually unusual” in palliative care.
“What I noticed was that this family – and he – were so prepared, instead of the family [being] “They were disorganized and reacting emotionally – which is very normal – and they went straight to him,” she explained.
‘[They laid] in bed with him. They understood right away what was happening. They didn’t panic,” she said.
From her experience as a hospice nurse: when the difficult questions about death are asked, people have better lives and more peaceful deaths, end of story
Julie said it’s important for people to realize that death doesn’t have to be chaotic, but it does come with uncomfortable conversations with loved ones.
Julie said the man was surrounded by his loving family and it was an overwhelmingly emotional experience.
“Every time I think about it, I cry. That image of them all being able to understand what was happening, even though it was a change they didn’t want,” she explains.
Julie noted that the experience could have been “very different” if the family had not been prepared.
“Because it happened so quickly, so fast, so suddenly, but because they were willing, able, and ready, it was a beautiful moment of love,” she explained.
“At the end of that visit, he died. He went from a life where he looked fine to dying, and that’s hard. But his family made it a beautiful moment,” she said.
Julie explained that it’s important for people to realize that death doesn’t have to be chaotic, but it does come with uncomfortable conversations with friends and family.
“Talk to your loved ones,” she urged. “Talk to each other about what they want at the end of their life — specifically, do you want to be home? Do you want extensive treatment? What happens if you have a cardiac arrest?” she listed.
“I mean very, very detailed things, and it will change depending on your age, but at least have a general idea of what you want now,” she suggested.
Julie said these conversations can help families when a loved one passes away.
“You really have to be clear with your family and friends about what you really want so they know,” she stressed.
She also suggested writing an obituary or telling people what they want in it and even detailing what the funeral should look like so the family doesn’t have to “guess.”
From a medical perspective, Julie says it is important to stick to a strict medication regimen as this helps manage symptoms.
The nurse concluded her passionate video by encouraging everyone to talk to their loved ones and think about planning for their death (stock image)
“If symptoms are not being controlled, you should contact your hospice company so they can help you,” she suggested, adding that you can also switch hospice providers if it doesn’t meet the person’s needs.
While it can be difficult to accept, Julie says she sees a huge difference in those who have accepted the change and let those around them help them and have made peace with “living in the gray zone.”
‘People who [able to accept change] “We want to do that, and we can always, always, always do that: live better and die better,” she explained.
She shared a cautionary tale about people who are more resistant to change.
“It’s always the patients who don’t want to accept help, who don’t want to accept that they have physical limitations, they always have problems, they fall, they get hurt and they end up having to leave their homes,” she told viewers bluntly. “It becomes a mess.”
The nurse shared tips for people dealing with a terminal illness or for loved ones of someone in that situation.
“If you’re not yet receiving hospice care but you have an illness that you’re being treated for, listen to your body,” she urged.
“If you are a loved one of someone who has this, have them listen to their body,” she advised.
“If they tell you they don’t want to eat, don’t force them to eat. If they tell you they want to sleep, let them sleep.
“As long as they’re clean, that’s all I’m saying, as long as they’re clean, they can do whatever they want, so if they want to sleep, let them sleep – don’t do anything. Let them listen to their body,” Julie said.
The nurse concluded her passionate video by encouraging everyone to talk to their loved ones and think about preparing for their death.
“We make plans for everything, but we never talk about our plans for the one thing that is going to happen to all of us: dying,” she points out.
“We don’t plan it, we don’t talk about it, we don’t pretend it’s happening. We live in a world of ‘it will never happen to any of us and when it does, we’re shocked,'” she continued.
“So let’s not do that anymore… This is your call to action to think about it,” she concluded.