I admit it, I have a favourite grandchild. And I tell all the others because it’s good for them to learn early: life isn’t fair

Earlier this month I was at a meeting of my local Women’s Institute when the conversation turned to grandchildren.

Most of my friends admitted that they had a favorite grandchild, but swore blindly that they would never reveal such a guilty secret to their adult children.

Personally, I don’t understand what the fuss is about. After all, my entire family knows very well that my eldest granddaughter Elise is at the top of my pecking order.

I have five granddaughters in total: Elise, 16, Isabella, 13, Scarlett, 11, Lucy, eight, and Ivy, six.

I love them all, but Elise can do no wrong in my eyes. She is beautiful, bossy and combative, but so loving. I can’t help but adore her even more.

And I don’t hide it either. We are a close-knit family and my only daughter Hannah lives a five-minute drive from my house in Cardiff with her children and husband Scott.

As a retired civil servant, I now have plenty of free time, so when I’m bored or Elise is down, I love nothing more than texting her and taking her shopping. We laugh at the same things, and the same things make us angry.

I become unbearably sad and angry when people are unfaithful and Elise is the only one who doesn’t think I’m being overly dramatic. “I understand, Grandma, I really do,” she will say.

In other words: we are like two peas in a pod. We look so alike. Hannah sometimes says, “It’s like I’ve had my own mother.”

Elise has me wrapped around her finger too. When we’re out, she always manipulates me into buying something, and I’m more than happy to do so.

In return, no area of ​​Elise’s life is off limits to me. I met her friends from school, all her boy friends think I’m cool and I’m friends on Facebook with her female social circle. I need to know who she’s hanging out with.

However, I don’t do this with my other granddaughters. I love them very much, but that same spark just isn’t there.

In my defense, I think many women would say their oldest grandchild is their favorite.

Think about it, they are the ones we spent the most time with. We have been a constant in their lives as unpaid baby caregivers from the time their parents were new to having a newborn.

Hannah split with Elise’s father when she was a toddler – and even though Elise has a stepfather, I justify the preference by telling myself that I am that person who sets her boundaries. Hannah tries to be strict, but Elise walks all over her.

Even though it’s obvious to the world that I adore her, Elise likes to ask me if she’s still my favorite. I have no problem reassuring her, and I often tell her that I do. In fact, she could do almost anything, even commit murder, and I would defend her.

We are so physically close, she loves nothing more than to lie on my lap and let me stroke her hair.

But according to Hannah, there are limits to my open favoritism. We went shopping recently and Elise’s younger sister Isabella came by. Elise wanted a new down duvet and I paid the £70 price tag without blinking an eye. I was painfully aware that I had to treat Isabella too and persuaded her to choose a £5 lipstick.

Hannah has a rule about spending equal amounts on my grandchildren, but I’ve rejected that idea because it’s an awful lot to spend every time I want to spoil Elise.

Still, her mother was furious. She wouldn’t talk to me and refused to let Elise use the comforter until Isabella got one too. So of course Muggins had to drop out here.

Elise has been dear to me since the day she was born. I made it my job to be present during the birth, and in the delivery room I asked the midwives if I could catch her. So I was the first to hold her and the bond was formed on the spot. I cried for three days straight, I felt so emotional.

There is all that love and yet as a grandparent you have no real say in how that child is raised. As one of life’s guilty control freaks, that’s been a hard lesson for me.

When Hannah was single again, I was more than happy to take care of my granddaughter while she went out with friends and on dates.

I reduced the work to four days so that I could have Elise from Tuesday to Wednesday evening. She never slept! We watched TV and went to the park. She never wanted to leave.

Elise had her own room at my house, with specially made curtains, although she ended up in bed with me most evenings. She still came over for a cuddle when she was five, and my partner Kevin didn’t mind because he adored her too.

When Hannah got together with Scott, Elise’s sister Isabella arrived when she was three. Of course I was happy to welcome another granddaughter, but I can proudly say that nothing has changed in our relationship. If anything, I would take Elise out more often.

However, there is a disadvantage. Because we are mirrors of each other, I see from her behavior how annoying I can be.

We’ve had some spectacular consequences over the years. Once, when pushed to my limits, I blurted out that she was a disappointment to me and would never amount to anything.

We both ended that night in tears. But I’m the only one who stands up to Elise. And simply put, I’m the only one she has any respect for.

I do think about what will happen if my blatant favoritism backfires on me when the others are older. I wouldn’t blame them for judging me negatively because I’m so open about it. I try not to say it in front of them, but Elise does – she almost shows it off, actually.

Isabella just raises her eyebrows and laughs; I guess she thinks she dodged a bullet by being spared all the special attention.

But Scarlett makes me feel guilty. Her rationale is that if I don’t do something for her, she will use the fact that Elise is my favorite against me. And yes, I usually give in.

But when they ask me why I have a favorite, I’m honest. It’s a good lesson to learn early on: life isn’t always fair.

But for now, I’ll justify the imbalance by saying that Elise needs me more than she does; they have a mother and a father in their lives, while Elise only has her mother.

Every now and then when I spoil or pamper her sisters, I have to do it behind Elise’s back, otherwise the green-eyed monster will intervene.

However, I don’t see it as giving in to her. Elise is at a very difficult age and needs the reassurance of knowing that someone on this planet loves her unconditionally.

No matter how hard life gets, or how horrible she can be, I will always be her biggest fan.

As told to Samantha Brick.