Hamish MacDonald reveals he was ‘stricken with paralysing fear’ when he hosted ABC’s Q&A: ‘Hit by a wall of hate’

ABC journalist Hamish Macdonald has revealed he was struck by ‘crippling anxiety’ before presenting episodes of Q&A due to the public backlash against the show.

Macdonald hosted ABC’s flagship political TV panel show for 16 months before dramatically quitting in July 2021 after coming under constant attack from online trolls.

Now he has admitted the shocking toll his time as host took on him, after suffering post-traumatic stress while working as a foreign wars correspondent.

He revealed that he and the show’s guests even received personal threats and said he was shocked by how much hate the show generated and the backlash against him.

‘[Hosting Q&A] created so much fear and anxiety in me,” he admits in a new podcast.

‘To the point where I was preparing to move on and was sort of hit with an almost paralyzing fear of what was going to happen.

Hamish Macdoald has admitted the shocking toll his time as a host has taken on him after suffering post-traumatic stress while working as a foreign war correspondent (pictured)

Macdonald hosted ABC’s flagship political TV panel show for 16 months before dramatically quitting in July 2021 after coming under constant attack from online trolls

“Every show something would blow up and it would go viral on social media and be at the top of news websites and in the newspaper the next day.

“And so every time you went up in the air, you knew something was going to explode. You just didn’t know what it would be.

“And that was pretty, pretty unhealthy for me.”

Macdonald, 42, told The Imperfects Podcast that organizing Q&A had a devastating effect on him after working as a foreign correspondent in the Middle East.

The podcast is run by Resilience Project founder Hugh van Cuylenburg, his brother Josh and comedian Ryan Shelton, who talk to people about their struggles and imperfections.

Macdonald admitted that taking on questions and answers did not seem like the “braver option” after his work in the overseas war zone with US broadcaster ABC and Qatar-based Al Jazeera.

Macdonald admitted he previously had to ask his broadcast bosses in the US to get him out of Israel after he became overwhelmed by what he was reporting on in Gaza.

“I hit a wall mentally, where for the first time in my career I felt like I just didn’t want to be there,” he said.

‘I didn’t want to enter Gaza. I didn’t want to be in Israel. I called the news desk in New York and told you to get me out. I have to go home.

“I thought maybe I had PTSD or something, but I just felt like I wasn’t supposed to be there.”

He added: “It was a damaging conversation to have on a news desk, as a foreign correspondent who doesn’t want to be in a conflict zone.

‘I realized at that moment that I was really burned out and I started seeking psychological help.

‘The image I got back was that there are no real signs of PTSD, but that you are very burned out.

‘The world had become very messy and I had experienced a lot of conflict after disaster after conflict.

‘You almost wouldn’t have to be human to want those things not to affect you.

“I had built a career and a life that actually wasn’t that healthy for me and felt quite unsustainable.”

Hamish Macdonald revealed that he and the show’s guests were even personally threatened and said he was shocked by the amount of hate the show generated and the backlash against him.

Hamish Macdonald admitted that answering questions and answers did not seem like the “brave option” after his work in the overseas war zone with US broadcaster ABC and Qatar-based Al Jazeera.

He said he had decided to turn his back on life as a foreign correspondent and return to Australia, which led to him hosting Q&A.

But within months he realized that the Q&A job was mentally very taxing for him.

“It certainly didn’t feel like I was going into it, but in terms of my professional life, [Q&A] was definitely one of the hardest things I’ve done,” he said.

‘Q&A is a show that evokes strong opinions. Suddenly there was actually an individual, not just the show, where people could direct all their opinions and anger.

‘What should have been the highlight of my career – going on this great show on the ABC – to suddenly be hit with this wall of hate and a constant barrage of demeaning, sometimes homophobic, but often just insanely critical interaction, was difficult.

“What also shocked me was the frequency with which it jumped from social media into your real world.”

He said he couldn’t escape the criticism and commentary – and would even be confronted by strangers when he was on the beach with his husband, Jake Fitzroy.

“I would go down with Jake and swim in the ocean – just to try and not be connected, not online,” he said.

‘But we were crossing the street and someone walked up and said, ‘Jeez, they hated you on social media last night. God, they really got you…’

“And it’s like, ‘Can you give me a break?'”

He said public anger would erupt days before the show was taped, with what he called the “pre-lash,” which began when guests and topics were revealed online in advance to draw questions for the episode.

“I think there’s more discomfort these days when you hear opinions that are different from your own,” said the breakfast presenter of The Project and ABC Radio National.

“In my particular corner of the world at the time, it meant that a lot of people wanted to abuse you for platforming, as they call it, for a particular politician.

“Even though that politician is publicly elected, he represents his community and may represent a different view to some people in the public.

“I think democracy needs to be debated and I don’t think that’s a reason to abuse that person or the host of the show, but that’s certainly what happened.

“Gradually I really learned the extent to which people, even the guests who came to the show, were abused, attacked and sometimes threatened.”

Hamish Macdonald said he could not escape the criticism and commentary and would be confronted by strangers even when he was on the beach with his husband, Jake Fitzroy.

Macdonald said the pandemic lockdowns increased the stress on hosting the show and for those watching and commenting.

“It is clear that the Covid period brought about even stronger opinions from people based not only on their world philosophy, but also on their experience of the world at that time,” he said.

“Being locked up or not being able to take their kids to school or being forced to get a vaccination or whatever.

“So it was definitely a lot.”

He said the abuse made him realize how much he wanted to be liked, which he said was not helpful for a journalist.

“It really shocked me that people could be so angry at me and be willing to express it publicly,” he said.

“And it was destabilizing for me that I cared so much about it.”