Gwyneth Paltrow-approved therapist shares five deal-breaking relationship issues that can’t be fixed

A Gwyneth Paltrow-approved relationship therapist has revealed the five “deal-breaking” relationship problems that can’t be solved even with professional help.

Stan Tatkin, 68, an author and dating expert from Los Angeles, California, recently released a book describing how couples can overcome various conflicts in their relationship entitled In Each Other’s Care — but according to the therapist, there are just a few things that go beyond repair.

In an excerpt from the book, shared by Gwyneth’s lifestyle brand Goop earlier this week, Stan opened up about the five issues you can face in a relationship that are likely to tear it apart.

Known as “structural problems,” Stan explained that there are just some things that absolutely “no one can fix,” not even a therapist.

He warned against ignoring the issues and still trying to make your romance work, because according to Stan, if you and your partner don’t agree on these five things, you’re pretty much doomed.

“Despite the presence of outright deal breakers — where one desperately wants something the other doesn’t — partners will often go ahead and kick the can down the road,” he explained. “It’s a dangerous decision, but people do it anyway.

“The real reason is not love, although people will say so. It’s about attachment, which is a human biological mandate to remain bound despite better judgment.

“We cling to each other, just as we cling to our children and pets. For some, it is quite easy to leave someone else. But for most, ending a relationship is incredibly painful… if not impossible.

“A therapist can help partners understand the situation, but the situation probably can’t be changed because the structure itself is the problem.”

From disputes over having kids to a lack of confidence due to your partner’s messy dating history, here are the five “deal breakers” that even professionals can’t help overcome, according to Stan.

You want children, but your partner does not

Stan said one of the worst problems a couple can face is if one person wants kids and the other doesn’t.

He explained that the decision to have children is clearly a life-changing decision, and that both parties in a relationship need to be on the same page from the start.

Stan added that it’s dangerous to “move forward” with someone if you have different perspectives on having kids because over time it will only drive a wedge between you.

“If ‘I can’t live without having a child’ comes together with ‘I can’t live with having a child,’ then that’s called a deal breaker,” he said.

“Neither is right or wrong – but structurally they can’t live together, at least not in harmony.”

You want an open relationship, but your partner doesn’t

According to Stan, another major deal breaker in a relationship is when one person wants to be monogamous but the other doesn’t.

“If partners disagree on this, we consider that a deal breaker,” he said. “They can’t be together without risking problems downriver.”

Stan suggested being open and honest about what you want from the start. He also warned against “people folding their cards and giving in” to their partner when there’s a disagreement about being in an open relationship — because it will only lead to you “pretending to be something you’re not.”

‘[If either] partner is less than 100 percent on board, both partners are making a very bad deal,” he said.

“That’s why this deal-breaking issue needs to be addressed from the very beginning and taken off the table.”

You don’t trust your partner because of past infidelity

Most everyone has heard the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater,” right? Well, according to Stan, people who get into a relationship with someone who has been unfaithful in their past can develop suspicion and paranoia about their partners.

Trust is one of the most important elements in a relationship, so if someone has reason not to believe in their partner, things are likely to end badly for the couple.

“Partners who have committed fraud have provided evidence that they are cheaters. You can’t deny or ignore evidence,” he explained.

“Once someone has been caught lying, withholding important information or cheating, all suspicion is now and forever justified because they have proof of the fact of lying and cheating.”

You hold a grudge for being asked to sign a prenup

While Stan said he “understands the need for prenuptial agreements,” he explained that he found they can “hugely disrupt the field” for a couple.

“For example, one partner enters the marriage with a lot of money, the other with little or none,” he wrote.

“The prenuptial agreement protects the partner with money from ever sharing their money with the other.

“There is no shared match fund and therefore no shared assets and leverage in managing money.

‘I think that complicates governance. The couple cannot claim equality and authority.’

The expert added that often the person with more money is “in charge.”

“No one should sign a prenup that they think is unfair or won’t work,” he continued. “Yet I keep seeing couples who, after marriage, harbor a grudge against the partner who demanded the prenuptial agreement.

“When partners sign a pre- or post-marriage document, they are making an agreement. If one of them has a complaint, that problem now becomes a structural issue that is difficult to renegotiate.”

You and your partner are forced to live far apart

Stan believes long-distance relationships won’t work in the long run because they often lead to “discontent.”

Whether it’s through work or something else, Stan said living far away from your partner will eventually become “a structural problem that can’t be solved.”

“Some partners think they can handle the distance only to find out it’s unbearable,” he said.