Australian grandmother sparks backlash for saying she won’t help care for her grandchildren

One grandmother is a counter to the trend of baby boomers being used by their families as free childcare, describing raising children as “a horrible grind” when they should be enjoying their old age.

Melbourne writer Avril Moore sparked heated debate when she declared that she and her husband would not help raise their grandchildren, despite pressure from “glossy lifestyle” advertisements touting the “joy and wonder” of caring for young children.

“Rebellion against the status quo is not the primary reason any of us fail to provide for our offspring. The truth is that we just don’t like it,” she wrote in an op-ed for The age.

The grandmother of eight said she had cared for her children herself for many years and that she and her husband no longer wanted to take on that responsibility in their later years.

“Caring for preschool-aged children, especially those under four, is a relentless regimen of feeding, sleeping, changing diapers, wiping, cleaning, carrying, rocking, vomiting, drooling, teething pain, fever, illness, mindless picture books, playgrounds, and trying to decipher baby babble,” she wrote.

Mrs Moore indicated that she had no problem taking on the role of grandparent – with occasional visits, activities and outings – but that she felt there was a big difference between that and ‘babysitting from 8am to 6pm… several days a week, while parents work during the day’.

The part-time teacher said she also “hated” the social expectation – supported by government figures sex Equality strategy – that grandmothers should participate in regular childcare just because they are women.

She went on to complain about “old men waxing lyrical about their newfound love of childcare” – while these same men “never lifted a finger when their own children were little” and “now expect to be canonized if they suddenly change a diaper.”

Ms. Moore’s op-ed prompted a flood of responses from readers, with some agreeing that it was a “thankless” job, with their adult children often lecturing them on the “right” way to do things.

Others saw it as a privilege to be involved in raising their grandchildren.

“I felt a little sad about Avril Moore’s opinion piece about the importance of being a caring grandparent,” wrote Tim Herborn from Blackheath in a letter to the editor.

‘She seems to forget that our generation had it much easier than the current generation when it comes to a roof over your head.

“I’m sure there are plenty of grandparents who help out with childcare out of sheer financial necessity, but also grandparents who just want to be part of the family.”

“Caring for nine grandchildren for 15 years has given us a very close bond,” said Sally Spurr of Lane Cove.

‘It’s amazing that we still have a fulfilling life with work, theater and vacations… That’s called family.’

“Let go of the grudge. There are precious moments to spend with your grandchildren. Enjoy the moment. Before you know it, it’s ‘Hey, have a nice life,'” said Vic Alhadeff of Kirribilli.

But one commentator agreed with Ms Moore’s complaint about her being given free labour.

“It’s selfish to expect grandparents to take care of the children more than one day a week… I love them, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not my place to raise them,” they said.

‘Totally agree… Governments rely on the generosity of mainly women to provide free childcare. Imagine if men couldn’t work because they didn’t have childcare? The situation would be resolved within months,’ said another.

‘It’s always amazed me how many young people expect their parents to take on the role of carer while they pursue careers and pay off huge mortgages. So unfair to grandparents who once did it and are now free to do what they want,’ said a third.

According to the University of Victoria’s Mitchell Institute, around nine million Australians live in neighbourhoods classified as ‘childcare deserts’, where access to childcare is limited

According to Victoria University’s Mitchell Institute, about nine million Australians live in neighbourhoods classified as “childcare deserts”, where access to childcare is limited.

And about 1.1 million people live in regional or remote areas where there are no childcare centres at all.

For those who do have access to childcare, it is increasingly difficult to find affordable childcare due to recent fee increases, limited spaces and staff shortages.

The government subsidy for childcare for working families was increased in July 2023, but the ACCC said this has been largely offset by an increase in fees.