Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire review – What a monster mess! This blockbuster battle is disappointingly devoid of thrills.. I give it ONE STAR, writes BRIAN VINER
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (12A)
Verdict: Monstrously pointless
At the end of a week full of football internationals, the country’s cinemas welcome Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire. This seems appropriate somehow. On paper, Godzilla and Kong are a formidable attacking partnership, but the reality is that they are not team players.
A harsher reality is that Adam Wingard’s film isn’t very good. It’s a sequel to Godzilla v Kong (2021) from the same director, which also wasn’t much cop, but at least didn’t monkey around with the audience.
Godzilla (left) and King Kong (right) make a formidable attacking partnership, but the reality is they are not team players
Rebecca Hall as Dr. Ilene Andrews and Kaylee Hottle as Jia. The harsh reality is that Adam Wingard’s film isn’t very good. It’s a sequel to Godzilla v Kong (2021) from the same director, which also wasn’t much cop, but at least didn’t monkey around with the audience
The computer-generated effects are mundane at best. It quickly becomes exceptionally boring. This is a film largely devoid of suspense, suspense, fun, and even basic coherence
This time we’re expected to swallow a load of pseudo-scientific nonsense spewed out by Rebecca Hall and Dan Stevens – almost as if they understand what they’re talking about when they bang on about dorsal plates and plasma measurements – essentially filling the time before the next thunderous crash between snarling CGI beasts.
It quickly becomes exceptionally boring. This is a film largely devoid of suspense, suspense, fun, and even basic coherence.
The computer-generated effects are mundane at best, and the story’s main villain, a gigantic primate who can wipe the floor even with the mighty Kong, only reminded me of a super-sized King Louie, the villainous jungle VIP from The Jungle Book.
What passes for a story is Kong trudging around the primordial paradise known as Hollow Earth, which looks like it rose from the Jurassic Park cutting room floor, while Godzilla takes off in the Eternal City and whatever remains is from the Colosseum destroyed with one misplaced stamp of a large scaly foot.
I can’t tell whose idea it was to put him in Rome, but apparently someone with an aversion to ancient monuments turned this movie off, because he and Kong later show up in Cairo, Egypt and carelessly crash into the pyramids.
What passes for a story is Kong trudging around the primordial paradise known as Hollow Earth, which looks like it rose from the Jurassic Park cutting room floor, while Godzilla takes off in the Eternal City and whatever remains is from the Colosseum destroyed with one misplaced stamp of a large scaly foot
Skar King – the villain of the film. The story’s main villain, a gigantic primate who can wipe the floor even with the mighty Kong, only reminded me of a super-sized King Louie, the villainous jungle VIP of The Jungle Book.
Meanwhile, Dr. Ilene Andrews (Hall) and her two annoyingly funny friends, Trapper (Stevens) and Bernie (Brian Tyree Henry), gradually discover that her adopted daughter, Jia (Kaylee Hottle), is not only the only remaining member of the family. native Iwi tribe of Skull Island, where Kong is from; or the only human who can talk to the big man and prevent him from becoming a monkey.
No, the fearless mute teen is also the only person who can infiltrate another lost civilization and awaken a messianic monster (okay, a huge bat) from its slumber in time to aid our clumsy globetrotters as they unite to protect King Louie defeat.
For some reason, this almighty scandal is happening in Rio de Janeiro. Perhaps the producers had an eye on the South American box office. Either way, as everything spirals out of control in Brazil, you’ll almost certainly wonder why you bothered.