Gardeners’ World star Monty Don admits he has no regrets about taking his friend’s wife because they had an ‘intense’ attraction: ‘All is fair in love and war’

Monty Don has opened up about his marriage and his feelings about bringing his friend's wife along. He admits that he has no bad feelings about it and has no regrets.

The Gardeners' World star, 68, fell for his current wife Sarah, 69, while she was already married to a wealthy botanist – dating both her and her husband at the time and even going horse riding with him.

But when Sarah's then-husband left for work, she and Monty fell in love and she eventually decided to break up with her husband.

Monty spoke openly about the “complicated” situation and admitted that despite his guilt, he had to be ruthless. He said: 'I loved it, it was great. I'm so happy.'

Monty met Sarah at Cambridge University when he was a penniless student, but after they eventually started dating, they moved to the Yorkshire Moors, where they rented a house together and did odd jobs for their landlord.

He later proposed on a rowboat in Scotland and refused to row back to land until Sarah changed her mind after first saying she wasn't sure, then secretly booking the wedding for less than a week after returning home – which gave Sarah 48. hours notice period.

But he also said there had been difficult times in their marriage, with Sarah at one point threatening to leave him with their three children because of his depression if he didn't seek help.

Monty said: “It was obviously complicated. I don't think it was love at first sight. I think it was an intense attraction at first sight.

“Her husband was someone I rode with and knew very well, and that was the case for about six months of meeting them socially.

'I remember thinking in a rather banal way, 'How come she met him before she met me? Why is the person you are strongly attracted to with someone else? Marriage or not.'

'It never occurred to me that it could be something else. It wasn't like I was trying to pinch someone else's wife; there was no question of that.

“And about a year later we crossed paths and her husband was away on a field trip for about four months. He was a botanist.

'And we started seeing each other some more and we discovered that we really enjoyed spending time together, but in a completely platonically innocent way.

'And gradually, over several days and weeks, I became aware that I was increasingly regretting the platonic side of things.

'You know that thing when you're very attracted to someone, you don't get too close to him or her, or you don't dare show too much interest or something like that.

'It turned out we both felt the same way. But she was married to someone else and so it was very difficult.

'She decided she definitely didn't want to have an affair.

“She chose me and it was an extremely difficult, unhappy, tormented situation for about six months because he obviously wasn't very happy with that arrangement.

“He felt quite reasonably betrayed and very, very, very angry.

“So I don't want to downplay any of that, but at the same time we both just felt like we had our life partner. We had just met the person we were meant to be with and it was a terrible shame that she was married.

'She got married at 19, five years before I met her. And it was complicated because her husband only asked her to marry him because he was doing post-doctoral work in Papua New Guinea and was going to be away for three years, and they had been boyfriend and girlfriend, and so it was a way to be together. . At that time there was no question of her going with him unmarried.

“I'm not trying to denigrate their marriage in any way. As far as I can tell it was very happy.

“But the thing was, we hadn't met and we met. And I felt at first incredibly frustrated and sad that I couldn't be with the person I wanted to be with, and then incredibly blessed that I could be.

'I remember cycling across the Yorkshire Moors. And there was a gamekeeper in his house and he said, “They live on the shore, don't they?” And I said “I'm”, (he said) “with your girl?”, and I said “yeah, yeah, she's my girl” and I thought this is the best thing I've ever felt.

“It's been that way ever since, really.

'The thing is, I've always felt a little guilty about it, but at the same time there's a kind of ruthlessness about it. Anything goes in love and war. You can't walk around. If you decide to be with someone and that means the marriage will break up, you can't say, “Oh, I feel really bad about this.”

'No, I don't. I loved it, it was great. I'm so happy.

“I feel sorry for him, but it happened and I'm very happy it happened. I don't regret it at all.'

Speaking about Sarah's decision to marry her first husband due to his desire to go abroad, Monty added Question time about white wine podcast: 'It would have been very difficult for her to go and not get married, and it was also a way to get away from home. If you wanted to leave your home and see the wider world, by getting married, all that was allowed.

'I think anyone who gets married before the age of 25 is considered very young.

“We've been together for 44 years, we've been married for 40 years, and the only reason we didn't get married sooner is because it took her two years to finalize her divorce.

'I would have been married on day one. And then we were in Scotland in the Hebrides, and we were on some remote islands, and I was riding out to sea with her, and the sea was quite calm, and I said, “Will you marry me?” And she said, “I'm not sure.” And I said, “Well, I won't row back until you do.”

“So we were in the boat and after about a minute or two she said, 'Oh, okay, okay.'

'And when we got back to London a few days later, I had the registry office booked for later that week because I thought, 'I don't want her to change her mind.'

'So I then told her we were getting married, I think 48 hours before our due date, because she had agreed but we hadn't set a date.

'Then we had to get a ring, and I remember calling a few people to say 'come with me'. My brother called me and said, “Do you want to have lunch?”

'I said, “Yes, great, tell me what you're coming to have lunch with me, and I'll pay for it, but can you come to my wedding first.”

'So come to my wedding and we'll have lunch. And then we both went to work in the morning, we had work to do.

'We got married at the Finsbury Registry Office and then had lunch at L'Escargot and that was it, we never had a honeymoon.'

He added that despite their close bond, there have been difficult times in his marriage to jeweler Sarah due to financial problems after their joint jewelery business collapsed, and Monty's depression.

Monty said: 'Everyone changes, it's never a bed of roses. Living with someone else will always be demanding on many levels.

'We have lost everything. There was a moment when Sarah said, “Look, I just can't stand your mood and your black depression any longer, you have to do something about it, because if you don't, I can't live with you, and I can't anymore with your life.” I'll take the kids and I'll go.”

'”It's not that I don't want to live with you, it's not that I don't love you, but I just can't deal with you” and the fact that we were in this horrible rented house, we had no money, I had no work, she had three small children.

“And I did go to a doctor.”