From cuddles to dog walks and watching Michael McIntyre: psychotherapist JULIA SAMUEL’s tips for a happy 2025

As a new year dawns, it is human nature to plan and predict the future – to try to give ourselves a sense of security.

Since the past always influences the present, it is understandable that as we look to 2024, we may look to 2025 with dread. Because worldwide it has been quite a cocktail of catastrophes.

The horrors of wars in the Middle East and Ukraine. Destruction caused by typhoons and hurricanes. Fear caused by political uncertainty here, in Europe and the US. How often do we hear people say gloomily, “The world isn’t that nice right now”?

But the truth is, we have more control over our mood than we realize. It’s true that we can’t change the events that unfold on our screens 24/7, but we can choose to live our own lives with vibrancy, curiosity, and even joy.

This doesn’t mean a Pollyanna-esque denial of the news. We just have to acknowledge the suffering of what is happening, let those sensations flow through us and give them a name. Indeed, there is a saying, “To name is to tame,” which means that putting feelings into words can reduce the power of unpleasant emotions.

Furthermore, we can harness hope – that special alchemy that has the power to change life. Because hope is not just a feeling, it can make things happen. Let me use myself as an example. Last February I fell during a skiing holiday. My shoulder was shattered and the trauma caused a virus, Ramsay Hunt Syndrome (facial paralysis), from which I have not yet fully recovered.

Last February I fell during a skiing holiday. My shoulder shattered and the trauma caused a virus called Ramsay Hunt Syndrome (facial paralysis). The psychological pain was heavy, but I also knew I was lucky

Enjoy the company of dogs – my Labrador Bob is a gift from heaven (file photo)

Over the weeks and months the physical pain was intense, but the psychological pain was even worse when I saw my distorted face in the mirror. I felt trapped in a world of illness and wasn’t sure if I would ever return. I have certainly expressed my grief, spoken to family and friends, and stomped regularly.

And yet I also knew that I was lucky: I was loved, I was safe, I received good care and I did not have a life-threatening illness.

While I was grateful to be able to see doctors, my time with them was variable. I experienced the great difference between the practice and the art of medicine. If I got bad news from doctors who were coldly indifferent, I would be crushed. But when others spoke to me from their hearts, I gained hope.

Work was the pillar that kept me stable and gave me purpose and meaningful connections with compassionate people. Indeed, their disdain for my distorted appearance helped keep me grounded. I learned again that even when my difficulties seemed great, the small kindnesses of others sustained me. Love is truly a strong medicine.

Among the wonderful warm messages from friends, I was touched by a letter from my A-level Art History teacher, my first contact with her in 43 years! Every note felt like a spark of light that lifted my spirits. Deb Dana, a psychologist, talks about “the power of sparkles,” which give us a sense of security and connection – the opposite of triggers, which make us feel anxious or withdrawn.

After a difficult medical appointment, I was crying on the train and the man next to me gave me his handkerchief. It was both the empathy in his eyes and his handkerchief that touched me.

Many strangers lifted my bags up the stairs on the London Underground or offered me their seat, which kept me believing that people are good. Not the feeling ‘the world is not so beautiful’.

Enjoy the love of others and enjoy hugs. When we hold on to hope, lean on love, and find light in small moments, we can courageously face life’s challenges

Surrender to rituals. Mine involves buying flowers on Monday and lighting candles on Friday (file photo)

From my 2024 experience, there are a few tricks I developed as a toolkit that I relied on. Hopefully it can inspire your own.

Treat yourself to a wonderfully smelling bath and soothing music.

Dance in the kitchen.

Absorb the love of others.

Take in hugs.

Watch funny TV – my favorite is comedian Michael McIntyre.

Reading poetry – the bookstore Poezieapotheek works for me.

Read more – all books are self-help books.

Enjoy the company of dogs – my Labrador Bob is a gift from heaven.

Walk outside in all weather conditions.

Write a diary – I do that whether I’m feeling terrible, happy, or just when I wake up at night.

Surrender to rituals, which I consider habits with a soul. For me it’s always buying flowers on Monday and lighting candles on Friday.

The year ahead may feel uncertain, but we can choose how we approach it. When we hold on to hope, lean on love, and find light in small moments, we can face life’s challenges with courage.