From a forensic psychiatrist and expert in stalking, a fascinating analysis of the global Netflix hit: The plot of Baby Reindeer may seem unlikely… but the dark dynamic between stalker and stalked is all too recognisable

For many fans fascinated by Netflix’s global hit Baby Reindeer, the plot is unthinkable and terrifying. A single act of kindness – a young man working in a bar offers a distressed woman a free cup of tea – turns into a ruthless stalking campaign that destroys his life.

But as I watched the seven-part series, in light of my own experience as a forensic psychiatrist who has provided evidence in countless stalking cases, the facts seemed both stunningly compelling and terrifyingly relatable.

Like any complex psychological crime, Baby Reindeer’s story has unique elements. At first, the show — based on the real-life ordeal of creator and star Richard Gadd, though he plays a character named Donny — goes in directions I didn’t expect.

Donny seems to be unusually self-centered. But as the story progresses, he is honest and open about how his own behavior fueled his stalker’s obsession. Gradually we come to understand why he is so susceptible to the ruthless attention that the dangerously deluded Martha (Jessica Gunning) directs at him.

It turns out that, as a struggling comedian on the stand-up circuit, he had befriended a much older man – a powerful TV writer and director – who led him to believe he could help his career. But after a night of drinking and drugs in the man’s flat in London, Donny passes out and is raped.

So it is a damaged and vulnerable person that Martha meets in episode one. He gives her free drinks when she enters the pub where he works, agrees to meet her at a café and exchanges messages with her.

When she breaks off contact after being confronted by the police about her harassment of him, he misses her attention so much that he also begins to become obsessed with her.

That does not mean that victims of stalking are complicit in their own persecution – far from it. Most have done nothing to provoke or maintain the unwanted attention.

But the crime is much more common than most people would suspect. According to a 2018 survey published by the Office for National Statistics, 7 percent of women and around 2.5 percent of men in England and Wales had been stalked in the past 12 months.

All signs point to stalking becoming increasingly common. The sad truth is that social media makes it easy for obsessives to delve into their target’s lives online – befriending them on Facebook or deciphering clues from photos on Instagram.

Most stalkers do not have a mental illness, but they do share certain personality traits. They lack empathy, are impulsive and often have a history of violence or a criminal record.

Being naturally aggressive and hostile, they tend to reject the law or at least behave as if it does not apply to them.

This can be summarized as ‘antisocial personality disorder’, which affects between 2 and 4 percent of men, and less than half a percent of women.

These personality traits are partly inherent, probably genetic, and are reinforced by early childhood experiences such as lax or overly strict parenting and emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.

But none of these things will be immediately apparent when we meet a stranger. Over the course of my work, I have identified five broad categories of stalkers, the most common of which is what I call the “incompetent suitor.”

In such cases, the stalker believes that what he or she is doing is a form of flirting, with the aim of starting a relationship. They do not intend to intimidate their victim; they actually think they are making romantic gestures.

The character of Martha in Baby Reindeer probably most closely matches this profile.

A subcategory of the incompetent suitor, and probably the type I encounter most often, is the stalker who imagines being in a real relationship with someone. A well-known example of such ‘erotomania’ was Margaret Mary Ray, a divorcee who in the 1980s was so obsessed with American talk show host David Letterman that she repeatedly broke into his house to leave him gifts and even do his housework. to do.

She was arrested after stealing his Porsche and claiming to be his wife. She told police he was the father of her young son, who was sitting in the passenger seat.

Like Martha in Baby Reindeer, Ray felt like she was being encouraged by the man she was stalking. Letterman talked about her on air and made a joke about her behavior.

“The attention paid to her and the actions of the authorities have made her situation much worse,” said her daughter Anna-Lisa. Ray committed suicide in 1997.

Viewers of Baby Reindeer may feel that Donny also made Martha’s behavior worse by reacting to it. But the reality is that ignoring a stalker will only work in some cases. If the obsession is caused by rejection, such as a romantic breakup, a complete absence of attention or response sends a powerful message and could work.

But in the case of true mental illness, nothing less than clinical treatment is likely to be effective.

The worst cases of stalking involve physical violence. Although Martha occasionally lashed out at Donny, she never engaged in any form of sustained attack. But the most extreme category of stalkers I’ve encountered—a category I describe as “predatory”—can be deadly.

These individuals monitor and pursue their victims, with the intent to sexually abuse or intimidate them, and this can escalate to rape and murder.

An ITV documentary last month highlighted one of the most tragic cases, that of 23-year-old Gracie Spinks, who was murdered three years ago. Gracie contacted police to report a campaign of stalking by her former supervisor at work, Michael Sellers.

Her fears were not taken seriously enough, even when a dog walker found a bag of weapons, including knives and an axe, near the field where Gracie stole her horse. Weeks later, Gracie was stabbed to death by Sellers at that spot. He then committed suicide.

Relatively few stalkers harbor murder fantasies, but it can be difficult for victims to know what will happen next. That’s why being targeted is so scary.

The best advice is to be on the lookout for warning signs. If someone new comes into your life and starts to make you uncomfortable, don’t dismiss your fears.

If they seem overly interested, if they know more about you than seems healthy, if they’re suddenly following all your social media accounts and messaging you: these are all warning signs.

Baby Reindeer gives us some dramatic examples of this. The show makes us aware of a dangerous phenomenon that is too often treated as a joke.

For our own safety, we must take stalking seriously.

• Dr. Sohom Das is the author of In Two Minds; Stories about murder, justice and recovery from a forensic psychiatrist. For more information see APsychForSoreMinds on YouTube or @Dr_S_Das on X