Our friends wriggle out of paying their fair share on holiday – should we confront them? Money psychotherapist VICKY REYNAL replies

Every year we go on holiday to a villa in Greece with four other couples and their children. We all pay into an account by direct debit throughout the year, so that we can spread the costs evenly. We all keep receipts for lunches, bar bills, ice creams, etc. during the week.

My husband and I enjoy every break until the last day when we divide the final costs. There is one couple, our oldest friends, who always try to get out of their fair share.

It usually involves a small amount. For example, the woman doesn’t drink and therefore doesn’t have to pay for her drinks, or they think their room is a little smaller and therefore want to deduct money from the expenses.

It complicates a simple system, lets the rest of us down and means the holidays always end on a sour note for me. I want to confront them this summer but my husband says it’s no problem if we pay an extra £50 per person and they’re too good friends to upset. But what about us?

Money psychotherapist Vicky Reynal answers: Relationships are often tested when our differences clash.

Your perception of this issue is different, both from the way your husband sees it (as less important to address than you), and from your friends, who are more focused on paying what is “fair” rather than on a good enough, even distribution of expenses.

Why would they have so little qualms about ruining the last day to ensure they only pay for what they consumed?

There could be a number of reasons. One possibility could be that they stretched their budget to travel. They may be ashamed to admit this, and so they come from a desire to see everyone, or not to disappoint their children, but spend more than they are comfortable with and find it difficult to keep the accept the impact of their choice.

Part of this “reclaiming” could be about addressing the guilt/regret of overspending.

There may also be deeper reasons.

Some people who are so focused on “fairness” suffer from fear of exploitation. It may be that a past experience has made them alert to any situation where they see a risk of feeling ‘unfairly treated’.

The thing is, we don’t know what causes it, but seemingly insignificant behavior can have difficult emotions at its root.

Bearing all this in mind, and given how unfair you feel it is that they are going against your assumption that expenses would be shared equally, it may be wise to have a conversation with them before the next trip.

This gives you space to explain your feelings and helps you understand what’s behind their behavior. You could start by asking them if they would change anything about last year’s trip (they might say they need to revise the budget).

You can suggest that this year you all agree in advance how expenses will be divided.

Whether they will be upset by this conversation or not depends on how you approach it.

If you try to prove that your method is the best and theirs is not, you will end up in an unpleasant stalemate. But if you try to understand their point of view, a solution that works for everyone is within reach.