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Michail Antonio has revealed he was on the brink of retiring from football after falling into a spiral of depression earlier in his career caused by inconsistent minutes with the Hammers.
The 32-year-old explained that the support of his close family and playing football helped him come back and revitalize his career, with Antonio confirming his status as one of the top strikers most formidable in recent seasons. .
The West Ham star began his mental health issues ahead of the six-week World Cup hiatus in the Premier League, with Antonio staying in England after Jamaica failed to qualify for the tournament.
West Ham striker Mikhail Antonio is candid about his struggle with mental health
The 32-year-old revealed on a podcast that football brought him through a period of depression
Speaking of his struggle with depression, Antonio said:
“I’m a person who normally bounces back from things, is quite positive and never lets much hold me back. There was one time it really touched me.
‘I’m a person who likes to be in control of things – if I feel I’m in control, I’ll do things. But this time where it did hit me, it felt like I was going into depression.
Antonio faced problems after lack of playing time at West Ham
“I started the very first game of the season. The next game I was not in the team. The next game I started. The next game I was not in the team.
‘Then I got off the couch. The next game I started and was finished at half time. And that just kept happening.
“Even though I played well, it kept happening to me. Whatever I did, I wasn’t good enough. If I had a great game, it wasn’t good enough. So I just felt powerless and there was nothing I could do,” he said.
Former Hammers boss Slaven Bilic brought Antonio to the club in 2015 when the club looked to Antonio to score goals. Since his arrival, he has scored 66 goals in 248 appearances.
Antonio went on to explain the pressure he put on himself to become a regular regular at West Ham, and that these demands left him in tears as he expressed fears of retiring from football during his peak years in his career. .
“I’m someone who, if I play well, I expect to play because I’m doing the job you let me do there for. If I’m not that’s not a problem, I sit on the bench and wait for the opportunity and then I take it and I’m back on the team.
Antonio revealed that his mental struggle made him consider quitting football
“But the fact that they put me in and took me out and just let me run through the stores; I couldn’t deal with that because it was strange to me.
“There was a day when that kept happening to me, and I was just laying in bed and the tears started flowing from my eyes and I couldn’t control them. I don’t like to show emotions and I like to deal with things, but the tears just fell from my eyes in bed.
‘My lady lay next to me in bed and I said nothing, only tears fell – she looked up and said, ‘Are you okay?’ and I said yes, I’m fine, but she said ‘You can’t be okay, you’re crying’, and I just said ‘I don’t know if I want to play football anymore’.
Former West Ham manager Slaven Bilic brought Antonio to the London club in 2015
The veteran striker Antonio has scored 66 goals in 248 appearances for West Ham United
‘I am a very positive person and if something doesn’t make me happy but makes me sad, change it.
“I said to her, ‘I don’t know if I want to play anymore, I’m thinking about retiring’ because I knew if I went to West Ham and said I wanted to leave, they wouldn’t want to. sell me.
“So I was honestly just thinking about leaving football and retiring,” Antonio said.
England U21 player Marvin Sordell retired from football at age 28 due to mental health issues
Had he retired, Antonio would have been one of the most high profile footballers to have stopped his career due to mental health issues.
Former Watford and Burnley forward Marvin Sordell retired from Burton Albion in 2019 at the age of 28, citing mental health issues as the main reason behind the decision.
Antonio was almost at the early retirement camp, but he explains that his family’s help and more opportunities for West Ham helped him get back on the pitch and play his best football.
Antonio explained that his family’s support helped him return to his best football
“Talk to my Mrs, my brother and my agent kind of fell off me, enough to continue working out and stuff like that, but what really made a difference to me was being able to go outside.” and play and keep playing consistently.
“It became more of a norm as a footballer – if you play well, you get your chance and you keep playing. When life and football became more normal, I tackled it and that’s how I was able to pull myself out.
“Football got me into a depression, but football also pulled me out.
‘That one time I had to talk. Even though I didn’t want to because my wife had to say to me ‘no you are not okay’ but as soon as I spoke to her I spoke to my agent the next day and that same day I spoke to my brother and it helped me a lot .
Antonio spoke about the Original Penguin X campaign to Miserable living beneath the surface podcasting.