Following the TikTok ‘trad wife’ trend caused my mental breakdown at just 27 years old… while pregnant with my third child
It’s the controversial TikTok trend that sees young women adopting a traditional image that dates back to the 1950s.
But one woman who once helped spark the “trad wife” craze, in which young women parade their conservative, domestic lives, has lifted the lid on its toxic underpinnings.
Brianna Bell, a 35-year-old mother of three, says her “traditional wife” existence led to a severe mental breakdown. She called a suicide hotline and developed extreme agoraphobia.
In 2016, when she was pregnant with her third child, the housewife said she was overcome with the feeling that she “couldn’t go on,” as a result of her “conservative evangelical” lifestyle.
Brianna Bell, 35, was initially happy to be a stay-at-home mom to two healthy girls
The now mother of three from Ontario, Canada, believed her calling was to be a devoted wife to her husband Daniel, 35, and dedicate her life to homemaking.
The so-called ‘trad wives’ (trad is an abbreviation of traditional) generate millions of views on videos that offer a glimpse into their daily lives.
Most of the clips show them dressed in glamorous dresses, they cook elaborate meals at the request of their husbands, while balancing babies on their hips.
For almost ten years, the mother of three from Ontario Canada, devoted her life to homemaking and her wife’s devotion to her husband Daniel, 35.
She often shared her opinions on her blog This Rookie Wife, including an article about ‘why she doesn’t believe in birth control’.
Ms Bell, who adhered to Christian fundamentalism from 2011 to 2016, read books including The Lifegiving Home by mother-daughter duo Sally and Sarah Clarkson – two “godly” women she followed and admired for their dedication to homemaking.
She believed that she should be a housewife, that birth control was a sin, that her husband was the head of the family and that she was a submissive, gentle wife.
She told MailOnline: ‘In the conservative evangelical tradition that I was part of, most people believe ‘The man is the head of the household and the husband and wife have ‘complementary’ but different roles – usually meaning the woman stays home and takes care of the house and children.’
But in 2016, when she was pregnant with her third child, she felt a constant overwhelming ‘dissatisfaction’ with her life and noticed her mental health deteriorating.
“I didn’t understand how serious my mental health issues were,” she said. “And I didn’t have the resources or the support network around me.
“There were times when I tried to reach out to people in church and felt ignored or pushed aside.”
Tradwives, or traditional wives, are typically stay-at-home mothers: they cook, clean, keep their home beautiful, and focus on raising their children.
But looking back on her old life, Ms Bell now sees the movement as “toxic” and is relieved she left those values behind before “indoctrinating” her children.
One night it all came to a head. She was flooded with overwhelming thoughts, a racing heart and feelings of panic.
“I locked myself in my bedroom and ripped the closet doors off their hinges. I collapsed into a heap, sobbing, and called a suicide hotline. I thought I couldn’t go on,” she recalls.
Eventually she sought help from a doctor and was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, panic disorder and agoraphobia.
She blames her repressed childhood trauma, sexual abuse as a teenager and her adherence to an extreme form of Christian evangelism from the age of 19.
Mrs. Bell confessed that her trauma had led her into the safe world of a life with rules, where men were in charge and women were protected.
But now she realizes that playing the role of sexually submissive wife was harmful.
The main message behind the traditional women’s movement is that women should be submissive to their husbands, that work is not for women and that the most fulfilling role a woman can have is in her own home, Ms. Bell explained in Today’s parent.
Women like @gwenthemilkmaid (pictured) and @esteecwilliams, who proudly describe themselves as traditional wives, have millions of likes on TikTok
Tradwives on TikTok share videos about cooking, gardening, and guides on how to dress feminine and be a good homemaker
Nara Smith, who has over 9 million followers on TikTok, shares videos of her cooking while wearing glamorous dresses and impeccable makeup. Told in a soft and soothing voice, her videos show her making jelly candies, chicken nuggets, lavender soap and even Coca Cola
The subculture rose to popularity on TikTok in 2020 during the pandemic.
Women like @gwenthemilkmaid and @esteecwilliams, who proudly describe themselves as traditional wives, have millions of likes on their TikTok videos showcasing their conservative lives.
Nara Smith, who has more than 9 million followers on TikTok, shares videos of herself cooking while wearing glamorous dresses and flawless makeup.
In her videos she tells everything with a soft and calm voice. In the videos you see how she makes sweets, lavender soap and even Coca-Cola herself.
Ms Bell warns that the trend, while “shiny”, is “a step backwards for women’s rights”.
She said, ‘The woman cannot choose anything else for herself and she has no say over her own life.
“While the content about traditional wives shows glossy, cheerful and carefully curated content, it does not show the dark side of a traditional marriage.”
Her children were too young to remember her former values as a traditional wife, and her husband, who she admits never really believed in the ultra-conservative movement in the first place, is now a stay-at-home parent most of the year.
Mrs. Bell had previously convinced herself that writing was just a hobby, or something she did part-time while her children were asleep.
Now she is an investigative journalist, writing about evangelism and secret underground religious sects.
She said: ‘Journalism set me on the path to empowerment when I started my career many years ago.
‘I started as a local journalist and over the past ten years have grown into an internationally published freelance journalist.
“The people I meet, the stories I hear, have broadened my perspective, increased my empathy, and deepened my understanding of the world around me.”
Her children were too young to remember her early values as a craftswoman, and her husband, who she says never really believed in the ultra-conservative movement to begin with, is now a stay-at-home parent most of the year.