FLOURISHING AFTER 50: I’ve finally met the man of my dreams – but he’s struggling financially. How can I protect my money without putting him off?
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Dear Vanessa,
After years of being unhappy in love, I have finally met someone who really makes me happy. He is kind, supportive and brings so much joy to my life. But there is one problem that concerns me. He is struggling financially. He’s not asking for much, but I can tell he’s struggling to pay his rent. In the meantime, I have almost finished paying off my own mortgage and I am proud of the financial security I have built for myself over the years.
I want to support him in a way that doesn’t jeopardize my financial future or put me at risk. I don’t want to lose him, but I also want to make sure I handle this smartly.
How can I protect myself financially while enjoying the love I’ve waited so long for?
Kind regards,
Carmel.
Dear Carmel,
Finding love after years of searching is a wonderful thing, and it’s clear that you cherish both your relationship and the financial security you’ve worked hard to build. Balancing love and money takes careful thought, but it is absolutely possible to enjoy both.
Leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov (above)
Here are some ways to navigate this:
1. Keep your finances separate for now. Maintain your financial independence as your relationship evolves. Avoid merging accounts or co-signing agreements. Protecting what you’ve worked for is smart, not selfish.
2. Protect your home. If you are considering inviting him to live with you, consult a lawyer or financial advisor to draw up a cohabitation agreement. This ensures that your property remains safe and that clear expectations are set.
3. Encourage financial independence. While it’s fine to help out occasionally, avoid stepping into a role where you’re responsible for his finances. Encourage him to budget, seek advice, or educate himself to build his stability.
4. Talk openly about money. Honest conversations about goals and concerns can strengthen your bond and help you plan a future together.
5. Plan for the long term. If your relationship has a shared future, discuss how you will handle joint expenses. Setting expectations early can prevent misunderstandings.
If you want more guidance on navigating relationships and money, my Mini course Create your dream life is a great place to start. It provides a framework to openly discuss goals and imagine a shared future. Maybe you can even do it together.
Good luck with your new love!
Vanessa.