Female sex addict reveals how her obsession took over her life as she thought of nothing but getting her daily ‘fix’ – before ultimately pushing her to the brink of SUICIDE

A female sex addict has revealed how she became obsessed with intimacy because her mother was ‘cold’, leaving her in the endless loop of becoming entangled in a stranger’s sheets every night.

Amanda – who chose to keep her last name and appearance under wraps for safety reasons – appeared on a recent episode of the podcast We’re all crazy alongside host Devorah Roloff.

The 35-year-old spoke candidly about her tumultuous upbringing with her distant mother, which left her “leaning towards toxicity” as she described her sex life as “porn”, explaining that there was “no love” in it.

Amanda admitted that when her first boyfriend left her at the age of 26, the ‘animal was let out of the cage’ and she started turning to sex to gain ‘control’ and ‘re-centre herself’ – confessing that she had done that. to get her ‘fix’ daily and even had ‘suicidal’ thoughts because she couldn’t see herself kicking her addiction.

“My name is Amanda and I’m going to talk about being a sex addict,” she said at the beginning of the video

She explained that her addiction took hold when she was just a child because her mother was “cold.”

Amanda said that although her childhood was largely “normal,” her mother was a single mother and longed to live her life again – without the responsibilities of having a child at her side.

She noted that seeing her mother in several relationships made her believe that relationships are not about love.

Amanda explained: ‘My mother was just very cold and I know a lot of that comes from her mother and then her mother’s mother, it’s just a vicious cycle.’

The sex addict noticed that things started to get more intense during her relationship with her first boyfriend, who she called E.

She described sex with E – with whom she had been on and off for 12 years – ‘very aggressive’ and called it ‘porn.’

There was no ‘making out’ in the couple’s relationship, with Amanda claiming E had a ‘drinking problem’.

Amanda – who chose to keep her last name and appearance under wraps for safety reasons – appeared alongside host Devorah Roloff on a recent episode of the podcast We’re All Insane

Despite being toxic to each other, Amanda stayed in the relationship until she eventually became pregnant.

And while Amanda looked forward to it, things took a tragic turn when she lost the baby.

Two months later, E packed up her things and left her behind for good, which she now calls the “best thing that happened to her.”

After the split, Amanda found herself wanting to have sex with someone.

She explained: I was just playing in a very irresponsible way, because I was hurting people who didn’t really need to be hurt. It was just all for my instinctive satisfaction to take back my control and feed my ego and everything in between that I felt like I had lost for so long.

“I was still healing from my son’s death. I really didn’t even know how to solve that properly. I was just a mess to say the least, my The state of life was very, very low, I just felt like I was surviving, getting by, doing what I had to do and very, very numb.”

Two years after E left her, Amanda found herself in a “situation” with a man she called Em.

She found herself having the same problems as with E and became unfaithful so she could gain ‘control’ and get her ‘fix’.

Amanda said that after having sex with someone – no matter who it was – she felt like she could finally “breathe.”

However, she kept her infidelity a secret from Em, and when he discovered her secret, Amanda felt like her life was over.

She said: ‘I was hysterical, I literally felt so emotionally unhinged. I felt very suicidal.’

Despite being angry about the end of her love affair with Em, she still went out to have sex with others.

She explained that her desire for sex was due to her “big ego.” She added: ‘Unfortunately I’m very big on my ego, and that’s one of the reasons why I’m a sex addict, it’s because I have a big ego and once my ego died I didn’t want to live anymore. not anymore.’

Amanda noted that while it is healthy to use sex for pleasure and because you are connecting with someone, she knew she had a problem because she was intimate so she could gain “power.”

“I’m a sex addict, I’m a sex addict, but that’s not all I am,” she said toward the end of the clip.

Amanda noted that she began to heal and recover from her addiction, as well as the shame it brought her, by becoming a Buddhist and attending addiction meetings.