Femail asks an expert WHY marriage is on the decline

If you are about to have a baby, you are more likely to be single than married.

Figures from the Office for National Statistics show that 2021 was the first year on record in which more children were born out of wedlock than in it.

It follows a long-term trend of declining marriage rates and increasing numbers of cohabiting couples in recent decades.

Explaining the decline, Dr. Max Blumberg, a relationship psychologist and chartered fellow of the British Psychological Society, says that marriage no longer offers what it used to.

Dr Blumberg, from Hampshire, says: ‘Society used to require you to get married, even if the benefits weren’t great.

“Especially for women, there was no social mobility without getting married, so even a bad one had benefits.

“But now it has changed and the costs of getting married are often higher than the costs of staying single.

‘A marriage can mean understanding, so you have less money, less career and less freedom.

“So for many, getting married has less value than staying single.”

Here he explains exactly why the traditional institution is disappearing.

1. Traditional reasons for marriage no longer matter

Traditionally, women needed the economic stability and social mobility of marriage. Even up to the 1960s or later, men and women had established roles. But modern social structures make this less and less important and women’s lives are now much more flexible. They work, pursue careers, have children, and take care of the house, whether they are married or not. Men are also becoming more flexible in their roles, but not at the same rate as women.

2. People marry when they are happy (and we are less happy)

Happier people are more likely to get married than unhappy people simply because unhappy people find it hard to be in relationships and it’s hard to be in a relationship with them. So a decline in mental health and happiness will be linked to a decline in marriage.

But we know that happiness has been declining. This is mainly because people are working harder to stay afloat, and those who work hard don’t have time for decent relationships.

There is also a lot of pressure to earn a certain amount and look a certain way. Young women’s self-esteem has been particularly affected by social media, while online connections are known to not bring as much happiness as offline connections. People also have less time while resources like doctor appointments and food on the shelves are more scarce.

3. Growing acceptance of coexistence

There has been a growing social acceptance of cohabitation, with increasing demands for legal protection. Often people believe that living with someone before marriage could lessen the impact of a later divorce. In fact, cohabitation can bring more risks than marriage to couples who break up. However, it is becoming more popular, perhaps simply because it is easier and parents no longer frown on it.

4. High divorce rates paint a bad picture

It is estimated that 42 per cent of marriages in the UK end in divorce. Often a key reason is arguments about finances. Furthermore, most divorces are initiated by women. But in psychology, we put a lot of emphasis on how our expectations can govern our behavior. So if all a person sees in the media is marriages ending badly, this will affect their point of view and they may not want to try it at all.

5. There is no evidence to show that marriage makes you happier and healthier (especially for women).

The benefits of marriage for men are quite clear. Studies have shown that married men have better health and happiness. They also have fewer illnesses, better mental health, and recover faster from illness. But it is not so clear for women.

In his 2020 book Happy Ever After: A Radical New Approach to Living Well, behavioral scientist Paul Dolan of the London School of Economics analyzed global data. He found that single women without children often report being happier than married women. They also live longer. He believes that in middle age the effects of marriage may have begun to have mental and physical effects on some women.

Research shows that single women may have greater social connections and engage in more social activities, which is a key indicator of happiness.

6. Cost of weddings

According to the Hitched National Wedding Survey, the average cost of a wedding in 2021 was £17,300. This was 90 per cent more than the previous year where costs were £9,100.

While Covid may have had an impact on rising prices, there has long been an upward trend in wedding costs. In a cost-of-living crisis, many couples may simply think that a wedding is too expensive and not at the top of their priority list.

7. The UK government does not promote marriage

According to the Marriage Foundation, people from lower socioeconomic groups are less likely to get married than middle-class couples, and this is due to financial penalties. His research shows that the welfare system penalizes couples who live together over those who don’t.

But it has been shown that if you offer financial incentives, more people will get married. In Hungary, for example, marriage rates have fallen since the 1980s. But then the government promoted it financially, and now it has one of the highest marriage rates in Europe.

Also, if a government doesn’t promote marriage as a good thing, why would anyone think it is?

Dr. Max Blumberg studies people, both in relationships and at work, and believes that for some, marriage may have more costs than benefits.

8. Women are fine doing motherhood alone

I don’t think most women say they want to be single mothers. But if they have a strong biological drive to parent but haven’t met the right partner, or don’t like the look of their friends’ relationships, they may choose to go it alone. Now there is less stigma about using sperm donors or being a single mother. And if a woman can afford it, which she increasingly can do, this seems to be an option. Similarly, if a couple becomes pregnant but one does not want the child, the other may choose to raise the child alone.

9. People do not want to invest

When a person considers whether or not he wants to get married, he weighs how much he will invest emotionally and financially, and what return he will get from it. Marriages inevitably mean that you have to compromise on certain things. You will not have the freedom to do what you want. Similarly, your finances may dwindle as they move into a shared fund and you no longer have authority over where you spend your money. People look at the return they get on their investment and if it doesn’t seem like enough, they won’t get married. The value and benefit of it has to be more than the cost.

10. Being born out of wedlock is no longer a social disgrace

People over 50 can still raise an eyebrow over a child born out of wedlock. But most people won’t. This is probably related to the waning power of the church. Much of the traditional social stigma came from a religious perspective. But a recent census showed that fewer and fewer people are affiliated with a church in the UK. There is no coincidence that babies born out of wedlock are increasing at the same time that church attendance is declining.

11. Sexual fluidity

The younger generations are much more likely to be open-minded than the older generations. An increasing number are gay, lesbian or pansexual, as well as being gender fluid. If people want to date people of different and mixed sexes, marriage is less likely to be an option, especially since the church does not yet support gay marriage.

12. Lack of married role models

We are now with the second generation of people who choose not to marry. Many of them will have grown up without married parents. Similarly, the media no longer focuses on married couples. So there are fewer and fewer married models to look up to.

13. Sexual Liberation and the Pill

The world is now full of dating sites. Likewise, the pill bought women liberation and more control over her own body. Women and men are free to do what they want, and they don’t need to be part of an institution like marriage.