Does the thought of walking down the aisle turn your stomach, even though you genuinely care about the person you would meet at the altar?
You may be suffering from gamophobia, that is, fear of marriage.
According to Psychology todayThe fear “transcends typical commitment issues and includes a crippling factor specifically related to long-term romantic relationships or marriage.”
The fear of romantic commitment can be so severe that it interferes with daily life, the article said.
But psychologists have now suggested the best ways to overcome this.
If the thought of walking down the aisle makes your stomach turn, you may have gamophobia — that is, a fear of marriage or a serious romantic commitment (stock image)
There are three main underlying causes that can cause gamophobia.
First, a person may have had “past traumatic experiences” surrounding relationships.
“Those who have suffered from abusive relationships may develop a deep fear of commitment as a defense mechanism to avoid emotional turmoil,” the article explains.
Second, some may fear the loss of independence that comes from committed relationships and marriages.
In particular, the perception that involvement comes with the ‘absence of autonomy’ leads to feelings of suffocation and resistance to the idea of relationships.
“Driven by this intense desire for autonomy, some come to view long-term commitments, such as marriage, as a threat to their individuality,” the article describes.
Third, common ‘underlying’ problems can lead to a case of gamophobia.
Deeper psychological issues – including attachment disorders, low self-esteem and fear of intimacy – can all be factors.
There are ways to help your partner struggling with gamophobia – including establishing shared, meaningful rituals and creating alternative commitment rules for the relationship (stock image)
Research has found a link between having parents who were not married and being casual in adult romantic relationships.
Regardless of the reasons why someone suffers from gamophobia, there are two main ways to help their partner cope, according to Psychology Today.
The first is to essentially establish some rituals during your interactions and daily life as a couple.
This would mean creating a meaningful routine around something of shared interest.
The outlet recommends starting by identifying “symbols or metaphors with personal meaning, representing aspects such as growth, unity, resilience, or shared experiences” around which the ritual or rituals can be built.
Practicing the rituals can become part of daily life, or take place at longer intervals. In all cases, consistency is key.
For example, a couple who enjoys trying different foods might alternate preparing new and interesting dishes for each other every Sunday evening.
That said, feel free to be flexible about the details of the rituals as time goes on.
The second suggestion for helping a partner with gamophobia is to agree on “alternative partnership options that align with your partner’s comfort and values.”
Of course, this may require more compromise on the part of the partner who prefers a more time-honored expression of commitment, namely in the form of a traditional marriage.
For example, a “customized commitment agreement” would “involve the outlining of guidelines that define the parameters of the relationship, tailored to reflect the unique values, preferences, and goals of both partners.”
For example, a couple may get married but choose to live separately.
Alternatively, a companionate relationship means prioritizing companionship and friendship, along with emotional intimacy, over romantic or sexual intimacy.
This could create a ‘safe haven’ for the gamophobic partner, and hopefully eventually make them comfortable enough for more romantic or sexual forms of connection.
“Once you create a safe relational haven, you can turn your obstacle into opportunity and build connections that defy all odds,” the article concluded.