Coming across photos of your partner with an ex in arms or on a romantic getaway on social media is an all-too-easy problem in the world of modern dating.
But experts claim it could fuel a problem called ‘Rebecca syndrome’, with experts saying they have seen an increase in questions about the little-known condition.
Also called ‘retroactive jealousy’. Rebecca syndrome refers to normal feelings of jealousy, but about things that happened in the past, especially your partner’s previous sexual and romantic relationships.
Sufferers may compare themselves to their partner’s ex and think this former lover is better looking, smarter, or even better in bed.
Although you may not have heard of “Rebecca Syndrome,” you may be familiar with the Gothic novel it is named after.
Daphne du Maurier’s 1938 novel ‘Rebecca’ follows a young woman who marries a wealthy man. But after moving into his home, she finds she can’t cope anymore, as the household and local community are still devoted to his late first wife, Rebecca (Image from Netflix adaptation of Rebecca)
Sufferers may scroll through social media, look at photos and compare themselves to their partner’s ex and think this former lover is better looking, smarter or even better in bed
Written by Daphne du Maurier in 1938, ‘Rebecca’ follows a young woman who marries a wealthy man.
But after moving into his home, she can no longer cope as the household and local community are still devoted to his late first wife, Rebecca.
Dr. Darian Leader, a psychoanalyst and founding member of the Center for Freudian Analysis and Research in London, took inspiration from the novel and coined the term Rebecca Syndrome to refer to retroactive jealousy.
But this syndrome is not just fiction, with many people admitting to being plagued by these illogical emotions.
Psychotherapist Toby Inghamwho has written about the condition, admits that more and more people have been asking questions about Rebecca syndrome since 2018.
Mr Ingham believes the increase in inquiries is due to Googling and self-diagnosing their ‘obsessive problem’, which he says is ‘not a good idea’.
While we can all get jealous, some people become obsessive and even just the thought of their partner’s ex can send them into a spiral (image from Netflix adaptation of Rebecca)
Psychotherapist Toby Ingham, who has written about the condition, admits that more and more people have been asking questions about Rebecca Syndrome since 2018 (Image from Netflix adaptation of Rebecca)
However, he explained that retroactive jealousy is not directly caused by relationships, but often has its roots in childhood.
“While these early problems will be unique to each of us, they may be related, for example, to feeling overlooked by a parent who favored one of our siblings over us,” he shared to MailOnline.
‘Or perhaps problems with feeling unimportant or left out in our biological family.
“The problem is that we tend to lose sight of those early experiences and instead project the problems onto our current relationship.”
This can cause people to become ‘vulnerable’ and feel that they are being ‘left out’ or ‘excluded’ again, when this is often not the case.
“We get too caught up in our projections to recognize the difference,” he explained.
One systematic judgement 230 2017 studies on romantic jealousy found that it often stems from low self-esteem and previous experiences of infidelity.
Research shows that jealousy is relatively common in a relationship.
Research in 2017 study Among married couples who received relationship therapy, 79 percent of men and 66 percent of women admitted to being jealous.
Although it is not a problem in itself, it can potentially cause relationship problems.
But there is good news if you suspect you may be suffering from Rebecca syndrome. Mr Ingham says there are a few ways to go about this.
“Ask yourself whether your anxiety, your intrusive thoughts about feeling less important to your partner than to the former partner, is really related to your own past and not to your current relationship,” Mr Ingham said.
He also emphasizes the importance of not scrolling through your partner’s old social media feed, as this can only unleash Pandora’s Box.
While it may be tempting to look back at old photos, including those with their ex, this will only worsen feelings of jealousy and make it easier to fall into negative thought patterns, he warned.
Another interview from 2018 study found that social media can encourage retroactive jealousy because you can more easily check details of your ex’s past relationships.
For the same reason, Mr Ingham also urges people not to ask too many details about their partner’s past, which they may regret once they learn the answers.
‘Don’t ask about your partners’ past, especially their sexual history. Too much sharing at the beginning of a new relationship often comes back to haunt us,” he said.