Harvard expert reveals 10-second hack that transforms anyone into a ‘super communicator’
A Harvard graduate has unveiled a 10-second hack that will help anyone become a “super communicator” – with new people or lifelong friends or partners.
Charles Duhigg suggested taking a moment to think about this three conversation topics or ideas before joining each conversation is key.
Firstly, it reduces the chance of awkward silence, but it also ensures that you appear assertive and confident during the conversation.
If you use this technique with loved ones, it can help you move beyond superficial conversations and build a more meaningful and engaging relationship over time.
Preparing three topics or questions before meeting someone can help you become a better conversationalist
Other tips include understanding what the person needs from the conversation and paying attention to their nonverbal cues.
Whether it’s an event, the first time you meet someone on a date, or striking up a casual conversation with a stranger on the subway, people who are prepared for three conversation topics have better face-to-face interactions, she said. Duhigg. Business insider.
“Most of the time you don’t really discuss those things, but your anxiety level will decrease significantly because you’ll feel like you have something to fall back on.”
“If there’s an awkward silence, you know exactly what you’re going to bring up.”
It’s important not to become too dependent on the questions, Duhigg cautioned, adding that you probably won’t answer all the questions.
But he said having them nearby can make you appear more at ease, which will help the other person feel relaxed and at ease.
Start small with questions like, “Where did you go to college,” “What was it like growing up in a small town,” or “What do you do for a living?” can make the other person feel more comfortable.
Charles Duhigg discusses how people considered “super communicators” connect with others on a deeper level and are 10 to 20 times more likely to ask questions than others.
He spent three years studying different types of language signals and discovered that people can miss building a relationship because they don’t know how to have the kind of conversation their partner needs.
“Supercommunicators” build on the basics of conversation and ask 10 to 20 times more questions than the average person, helping their partner feel more comfortable and listened to.
Charles Duhigg is the author of the best-selling novel, The Power of Habit
“We think the purpose of a conversation, the definition of success, is to convince the other person of something,” Duhigg said.
“And the real purpose of conversation is simply to understand the other person.”
But it’s not enough to simply ask the question, you also have to prove that you’re listening, Duhigg wrote in a Wall Street Journal op-ed.
‘Many people don’t know how to show that they are listening. And speaking is such a cognitively intensive activity that speakers often don’t notice how listeners respond,” he explained.
Super communicators often use a strategy known as “looping for understanding,” which means they rephrase the person’s answer to a question to make sure you understood what he or she said.
Charles Duhigg advises people to ask what their partner needs during a conversation so that they feel heard
It makes the person feel heard and can involve other people, who will feel more inclined to ask questions and listen better than before.
Social mimicry is one of the strongest features of human interactions and shows engagement in the conversation by mimicking each other’s behavior, attitude, or mannerisms without being aware of your actions.
a study published by the National Library of Medicine found that imitation demonstrates how we perceive and interact with people at a basic level, adding that “after we are imitated, we perceive more similarity between objects, making us more similar to others and feeling more behave in a prosocial manner. ‘
These skills show the other person that you do more than just listen, and that you want to connect on a deeper, more meaningful level.
“Numerous experiments have shown that it feels good when we connect with someone through conversation, in part because our brains have evolved to crave these types of connections,” says Duhigg.
“The desire to connect has driven people to form communities, protect their descendants, and seek new friends and alliances.”
Too often we forget to focus on what someone wants from the conversation: do they want a solution or an ear to listen?
“As we get older, our ability to notice the expressions and body language of others often decreases,” Duhigg said.
“We’re starting to focus on people’s words: it’s nothing. I feel fine – instead of their crossed arms, downcast eyes or monotone voice.
“But people need to detect each other’s emotions, even when they are not expressed.”
Super communicators know something the rest of us don’t: how to recognize and attune to someone else’s wants and needs, and how to draw out their more complex emotions and emotions.
“It’s no secret that the world has become increasingly polarized, that we struggle to hear and be heard,” Duhigg wrote.
“If we know how to sit down together and listen, even if we can’t resolve every disagreement, we can find ways to coexist and thrive.”