Expert reveals the factors that make it easier to have a good relationship with an ex

For some couples, a break up or divorce will be followed by years of resentment with each party swearing never to see the others again. But others have managed to stay friends after their split. 

After officialising their divorce, media tycoon Rupert Murdoch, 91 and model Jerry Hall, 65, stressed they had settled their break-up agreement and ‘remain good friends’ in spite of their separation. 

This amicable split is very different from other celebrities, like Jason Sudeikis and Olivia Wilde, who are embroiled in a custody battle, or Kevin Federline and Britney Spears, who are still washing their dirty laundry public via Instagram posts, 16 years after their divorce. 

Even couples who initially have had relatively hush-hush splits, like Brangelina, can’t escape petty arguments over their vineyard and property. 

So is it ever possible to be friends with an ex? And is so, what is the secret ingredient to these post-divorce friendship? 

Dating expert Tina Wilson told FEMAIL that age and sharing children are two factors that could make it easier to be friends with your ex. 

‘There are some situations when you should never remain friends with an ex. However, if the relationship was a healthy one and there was no animosity then some former couples can remain friends after a break-up,’ the expert said. 

THE OLDER YOU ARE, THE BETTER YOUR CHANCES 

‘The later on in life you ‘go your separate ways’ can sometimes make all the difference because the older people get the less of a desire to play games with each other exists,’ she said. 

This is especially true of people who were married more than once,’ Tina added.  

‘Life is too short and they just want each other to be happy, particularly if the couple have had a number of marriages or long term relationships, they have experience on their side to learn from their past mistakes/regrets.’

LACK OF PASSION AT THE END CAN PAVE THE WAY FOR FRIENDSHIP 

For relationships that were lacking in the romance department, staying friends will also be a good outcome. 

‘Saying goodbye to your friendship would be a great shame, especially if you spent some great years together and they were a huge part of your life.,’ she said. 

But honesty would be key for this particular scenario to work.  

‘The couple however need to be honest with some another and ensure they are staying friends for the right reasons,’ she added. 

STAYING FRIENDS CAN ACTUALLY HELP YOU MOVE ON

‘It can be a huge boost to your personal growth by remaining friends with your ex and you might feel part of your life has been blocked out or missing by trying to ignore it,’ the expert said. 

Remaining cordial with an ex-partner is also a sign that you are mature and that your past relationships has no loose ends. 

‘Staying friends shows you both have a level or maturity and no unresolved issues which can bode well for other/future relationships in your life,’ she said. 

‘Not only can your ex help you move on they can provide insight into why your romantic relationship didn’t work out,’ she added. 

And keeping boundaries clear is equally as important.  

‘It is healthy to keep boundaries in your new friendship but they can be a good friend to catch up and socialise with. You can also lean on them for emotional support as they know you better than anyone,’ she said. 

RUNNING IN SAME CIRCLES 

Running in the same circles and having mutual interests, or the dread of bumping into each other at social events. could also lead exes to be friends.

‘It is by default that you will both release you will bump into each other, know each others business and be reminded of one another often. Therefore, consciously, an ex-couple in this situation will almost admit defeat and embrace a friendship,’ she said. 

‘Most exes who meet at work will likely result in one of them changing jobs. We spend more time at work than anywhere so it is logical that this would be a form of breakaway needed to help one, or both, move on,’ Tina added. 

CO-PARENTING 

Finally, while challenging, co-parenting can lead to exes having to remain friends for the sake of the kids.  

‘Co-parenting can go one of two ways – it depends on how healthy the relationship was when it ended. If the separation was toxic and there are unresolved issues, trying to build a relationship afterwards will be challenging,’ Tina said. 

‘However, if it was amicable and you have a courtesy agreement that works for you both, then ex-couples can live a rewarding and fulfilling life co-parenting,’ she said. 

‘This is when you see ex-couples on holiday with their children together,’ she said.