SOrrel grew up in a large Caribbean household in the north of England in the 1970s. She was one of two girls in a family of four boys and learned early on that not only was her vulva not to be looked at, but she couldn’t even be named. “It was called a munchie,†she says. “We weren’t allowed to touch the munchie, we weren’t allowed to see the munchie, and we certainly weren’t allowed to talk about the munchie.”
Sorrel and her munchie are still not alone in this. Whatever we call it, many women grow up feeling that there is something unspeakable “down there” – and it shows. A 2019 poll of the British public found that 45% of women could notthe vagina. Another 2021 study found that, regardless of gender, more than a third of people surveyed couldn’t find the clitoris. It’s not something exclusively British either; in 2010, an advertisement from the tampon company Kotex was banned specifically for this purpose by three American television networks proverb the word “vagina,” and a 2020 survey found that about half of American women could not identify the cervix or uterus.
Part of the reason for this confusion could simply be biology: the nature of the female body means that it takes effort to look at it in detail. We need mirrors, torches and certain positions. It is purposeful; you need intention. But the easy availability of all kinds of pornography has given more access to female bodies than ever before. What does that mean for how we think about ourselves?
Almina told me that most of her friends had seen pornography by the age of 15, and usually not by choice. She was 18 when we spoke, and remembered being 12 and boys sending her pictures and videos from adult sites and telling her to go there. She was intrigued. “Everyone says, “Don’t go near it.†I was just interested in what was going on — what sex looked like, what their bodies looked like and what they were doing. â€
This desire to use porn to understand not only sex but also bodies created a real problem for Almina. And it wasn’t just because of the controversial ways in which porn portrays women: Almina is black and all the bodies she saw were white, which made her feel like her body was wrong. ‘Most porn shows white women. “I didn’t watch porn with black women in it when I was growing up and developing,” she said. “I have stretch marks and strawberry legs (follicles or clogged pores that appear as black dots); discoloration all over my body. Even my vulva area is darker than the rest of my body. When you watch porn, their entire body is one color and looks perfect. I thought there was something wrong with me.â€
Almina grew up in the age of the Internet and the endless supermarket of pornography it offers. The enormous amount of pornography made her feel even more of an outsider. “No one makes it clear what your body is supposed to look like, what it does, or what sex is,” she told me. “And then you see that a video has 10 million views and you think that if there are that many, then that body must be desirable and that must also be what sex should look like. Everyone says it’s not reality, but it doesn’t sink in because there’s nothing else to compare it to.”
Pornography hasn’t just had this impact on younger women. Luce is almost thirty and has been using pornography for years. She believes it has helped her discover her sexual desires because she has been given permission to experiment and learn more about her sexuality. But some of the impact on her body image remains. “The women I see in pornography have a very specific look; they have very fit bodies and perfectly waxed vulvas. Everything is hairless,” she says. “The worst thing for me is the inevitable comparison I sometimes give myself. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it reminds me of how imperfect I am.â€
The widespread impact of pornography on body confidence – for men and women – is beginning to emerge. In 2022, health researchers in Spain conducted a study of existing findings on the relationship between pornography and body dissatisfaction and found compelling evidence that the more pornography you see, the worse your personal body image becomes. In 26 studies, only three found no link between exposure to pornography and negative body image and – despite the fact that men who watch pornography are regularly confronted with penises that are bigger, thicker and harder than theirs – the impact on physical yourself. appreciation was most pronounced among heterosexual women. And especially about a certain part of the anatomy: the vulva.
This may be more important now than ever as pornography use increases among young women. Last year, said the children’s commissioner that 42% of girls had sought out pornography, compared to 58% of boys – not a noticeable difference. And while much of the policy focus and public debate has been about how pornography influences boys’ and men’s sexual attitudes toward the negative, less attention has been paid to its impact on girls and women. But that also has consequences for real life.
Isobel, a GP, started noticing a pattern with the younger women coming through the door. She was almost forty and although she had started viewing pornography herself in recent years, she felt quite ambivalent about it. She was more concerned about the impact it had on other people.
“I have a lot of reservations about the porn industry in general; about people being exploited, people’s health and safety,” she says. “I also worry about whether mainstream porn gives people an idea of sex as something men do to women. And then there’s the impact it has on the body and what people expect to be normal and achievable. I don’t want to judge people who have had cosmetic surgery, but most people’s bodies don’t look like they do in porn.â€
Isobel was concerned about the number of women coming into her practice thinking there was something wrong with their vulvas. But that wasn’t just because they had seen other vulvas in pornography; it was more about what porn had meant to them when they saw their own porn. “No one has pubic hair anymore,” she says. “Almost everyone under 40 is completely waxed. I think porn is starting to influence people even if they (don’t) use it. If there is a general awareness of what images there are and what the expectations of others are, this spreads.”
Isobel didn’t care about her own self. But it affected what patients showed, as their vulvas often became visible for the first time. It took many of them by surprise. ‘My labia are too big.’ We hear that quite often now. I say: ‘Yes. That’s because if you had a lot of pubic hair, you couldn’t really see it. Of course they look more prominent.â€
It is not surprising that pornography can have this impact, given the extent to which women are taught to judge themselves and each other, and there are no codes or standards for how advertising or broadcasting occurs. Nevertheless, the impact is not always negative. For Hester it was the exact opposite.
Hester is a 36-year-old white woman who had two children in her mid-twenties. She was also bisexual and married to a straight man, which gave pornography a special purpose. “For me, porn is about satisfying needs or interests that aren’t being met in my real relationship,” she says. “I’m not exactly filling a gap, but they’re the pieces of me that I don’t get to express on a daily basis. I’m much more interested in queer porn, not watching straight people having sex. I find the regular stuff quite violent, crude and exploitative looking. I can’t speak for all women, but I don’t want to see a girl with men coming all over her face.â€
That meant Hester was actively searching for pornography that interested her – not just what was available on the big, popular sites. It also meant that she was critical of the pornography debate more broadly, and what it means for the way we think about women and their relationship with sex.
“The way most of the mainstream policy debate around porn is framed does not give women any agency. We are just passive victims,” she says. “Whether it’s people producing porn or people as consumers, there doesn’t seem to be a recognition of women as sexual beings – rather than people to whom bad things happen, done by bad men. When you say, ‘Porn is just terrible. It is disastrous and ruins our youth.” That then takes away our ability to talk about it. The reality is that a lot of people, I suspect the majority, have some experience with porn. But if the debate is framed as ‘only deviants do this’, it prevents you from having a sensible conversation with young people.â€
Partly because she sought out pornography that she found less exploitative and more empowering, Hester also had a different experience with the impact it had on her body image. She said she found it positive to see bodies that looked like hers; that are imperfect and do not conform to an internalized ideal. And she also felt this was missing from the public conversation: the possibility that porn could play a role in helping women understand that there really is no such thing as normal.
“One of the things that really irritates me,” she says, “is all this stuff about people getting unrealistic expectations from porn about what genitals should look like – about body hair, the idea of perfect vaginas and the pressure that puts pressure on young girls. That may be true to some extent, but the fact is that most girls haven’t seen someone else’s vagina. So it is more useful to see some on the Internet than not to see any. It helps normalize human bodies.â€
She still thinks things can be better. “I don’t want to see a lot of fake tits,” she says. “But it’s better than not seeing anything and thinking you’re the only one who looks like you. It may be flawed, but at least it’s something.â€
On the one hand, pornography can help women get to know themselves better; embracing the diversity of bodies as a means of understanding and accepting our own. On the other hand, we find ourselves in a world that judges bodies based on sex, gender and race. Pornography is not only produced and used in that context; it plays a fundamental role in creating it. What we need most of all is to open the conversation. To leave behind polarized views, stigmas and stereotypes, and talk about what we do with porn. And in turn what it could do to us.