You’ve been eating in restaurants all wrong! Etiquette guru reveals dining out do’s and don’ts, from how to wipe your mouth like royalty to the clever trick for letting friends know you want to split the bill (without saying a word)

Nowhere is a lack of etiquette knowledge more exposed than in a restaurant.

After all, there are so many opportunities to make a mistake: at the entrance, while sitting, while eating and when calling the waiting staff.

It’s a minefield even for the well-mannered among us.

Fortunately, the do’s and don’ts of restaurant behavior are a topic that etiquette guru Sara Jane Ho covers in her fascinating new book Mind Your Manners.

Read on for some highlights, from knowing whose job it is to go in first to whether the host or guest sits with their back to the room.

MAKING AN ENTRANCE

Sara says, “The one who made the reservation goes first because they are the host.

‘The guest always gets the best seat; this could be a view of the room, but also of a beautiful sunset or the ocean.

‘The worst view is of a wall, so the host should take that.

“If you’re the host, remember that people want to be told what to do, so don’t say ‘oh, sit somewhere.’ Unless there is a large group and that makes sense.’

PLACE AND ORDER

Sara, host of the Netflix series Mind Your Manners, says: ‘Put your napkin on your lap when your host does so. If it’s been a minute and it hasn’t, you can still do it.”

And what about ordering?

Sara admits that she gets irritated when there is too much talking and not enough attention is paid to the dishes on offer.

But she has a solution.

Sara says: ‘Say, “So I heard the fried chicken here is simply divine,” as you open the menu – it’s so seamless your dining partner won’t even notice.’

SPECIFICATIONS

Sara has a golden rule for cutlery: ‘Once you pick up your cutlery, it should never touch the table again.’

And that also applies to the handles – ‘so do not lean your knife on the board while the handle rests on the table’.

More cutlery no-nos?

A few, says Sara – ‘Don’t hold your fork like a shovel, don’t hold your knife like a pen and don’t lick your knife’.

THE BREAD BASKET

Always offer bread to others first, Sara notes.

THE MAIN ACT

So your meal has arrived. What now?

For starters, Sara says, “don’t cut all your food into bite-sized pieces” and don’t “turn your plate over trying to get to a particular dish” at a fancy restaurant.

HOW TO LEAVE TO GO TO THE TOILET

First of all, never say you are going to the toilet.

Sara says, “If you want to leave the table to go to the bathroom, it’s elegant to say, ‘I’m going to wash my hands’ or ‘Excuse me for a moment.'”

What if your dish is not available to everyone?

Sara says, “If your dish isn’t ready at the same time as everyone else’s, tell everyone to please start eating while the food is still hot.”

HOW TO CALL THE SERVER

Sara says, “I recommend holding your hand at ear level to get their attention and then try to make eye contact.”

THE BILL

“Ask for the bill if you’re the host,” says Sara, “so the server knows to give it directly to you. That saves the inevitable hassle if you plan to pay for it yourself.

“If you expect others to share it with you, wait a minute. Your guests should immediately offer to contribute their fair share. If you are a guest, please don’t hesitate to offer it when the moment comes.”

Sara’s Mind Your Manners: An Insider’s Guide to Social Fluency (blue Bird) is available from Amazon. For more information from Sara, visit her Instagram profile.