Etiquette experts Debrett’s reveals 10 new commandments for using your phone

From never double texting to not calling without warning, many Brits have their own rules when it comes to phone use.

But now, etiquette experts at Debrett have revealed the correct ways to conduct telecommunications.

The 250-year-old institution has found there is a generational divide over polite ways to make calls – arguing that older people think calling without hanging up is fine, while younger people think it’s lame.

The authority published this week the ‘ten commandments of mobile etiquette‘, which also warns people about loud telephone conversations in public.

“It is becoming increasingly the norm to text before you call and ask the recipient if he or she would like to answer your call soon or arrange a time,” the first line reads.

‘This introduction may seem cumbersome to traditional telephone addicts who love nothing more than spontaneously picking up the phone, but it is considered a much less stressful way to make contact as it minimizes interference and allows people to take their own time to divide.’

Second, the guide suggests never expecting an unannounced social call to be answered unless “you are calling someone from an older generation that still retains vestiges of the old obedience to the clarion call of the telephone.”

‘Many people make phone calls (inevitably unanswered) as a simple and convenient way to ensure a “missed call” notification appears on the recipient’s screen.

‘This may provoke a response, but a text message is a more polite and informative option.

“Business calls are a different matter and are likely to be answered with much more willingness and enthusiasm,” they say.

If you call and don’t get an answer, don’t call again, Debrett says.

Leaving a string of missed calls will likely alienate the recipient unless there is a true emergency.

If you do call without getting an answer, send a short text explaining the situation. Do not leave a voicemail.

“In general, the emphasis today is on snappy, economical communications and disjointed voice messages, which are often only semi-audible and often incoherent, can cause a lot of frustration,” they wrote.

‘Please be aware that some people may find your call alarming. As calls become less and less common, people are more likely to respond to them with panic or fear. For example, if you see a call on your phone from your child’s school, you immediately conclude that an accident has occurred.’

For this reason, Debrett’s says, while people may not be happy about making calls, younger people should be tolerant of older people’s phone habits.

‘They may leave a voicemail simply because they find texting (which requires reading glasses and nimble fingers) hard work.

“Take a moment to think about how much technology has changed in their lives and cut them some slack,” says Debrett’s.

When talking on the phone, make sure you concentrate on the conversation and never make the call on busy public transport, while walking down a busy street or while doing housework.

‘This can be very alienating for the recipient, who feels marginalized and without priority. If you are going to talk to someone, find a non-distracting environment and focus on the conversation,” says Debrett.

If you are calling in public, make sure you use headphones or earbuds.

“No one should be forced to listen to your phone conversation; it is annoyingly distracting and can be intrusive or embarrassing,” they say.

Finally, the institute says it accepts that there are cases where the ‘human voice must be prioritised’.

“It’s fine to send an effusive thank you note by text, but a message of condolence will be much more appreciated if you pick up the phone and let your voice convey sympathy,” says Debrett.

Ahead of the King’s coronation earlier this year, famed etiquette guide Bool revised its guidelines, placing particular emphasis on technical etiquette.

The handbook, created in 1769, now includes pages on the rules of texting, emojis and, oddly enough, how to announce your engagement on Twitter.

The reason for the update is to show how much society has changed and modernized since the Queen’s coronation in 1953.

It recognizes that people now prefer to communicate via phones or computers rather than handwritten cards, and therefore offers advice on how to use your phone around others.

In addition to advice for the technological age, for example on the correct form for writing emails, text messages and WhatsApp messages, it also addresses issues such as gay marriage, women who want to keep their own names and points out how women can be a bishop.

Debrett’s guide was created in 1769 and has now been updated to reflect the technological era ahead of next month’s coronation

The book advises people to switch off their phones when in theatres, galleries and cinemas and says loud music or videos should never be played.

Advice on texting includes not ‘relying’ on emojis to convey information, avoiding capital letters in emails to avoid appearing ‘too intrusive’ and encouraging people to re-read messages before they are shipped.

Liz Wyse, editor of the handbook, told The Times: ‘Over the past decade people have become less attentive to the use of technology.

‘People behaved worse, accelerated by the pandemic and lockdown, as they got used to being isolated and selfish and forgot how to interact with each other.

“To have good manners, you must be very aware of the people around you and avoid living in your own world.”

The guide, which runs to 480 pages, still emphasizes that good manners are still valued.

The book advises people to switch off their phones in theatres, galleries and cinemas.

It also suggests that in stores you should look directly at the cashier, rather than staring at a screen.

One of the most important tips was not to play music out loud or without headphones.

The guide said: ‘Forcing other people’s listening choices is the worst form of noise pollution.

Other gems of advice from the book included telling people not to spread out on public transport, making your parents aware of your engagement before announcing it on Twitter and warnings not to get stuck on your device .