It can be difficult to tell a friend that he or she can’t stay at your house, but is there a way to politely decline to host someone without burning bridges?
Content creator Navera shared a TikTok where she answered an interesting etiquette question asked in a newsletter about hosting vacationers in a small apartment.
Someone asked, “I live in New York and my friends and family are always asking to stay with me. What’s a polite way to convey the message that my apartment is not a free hotel?’
In the video, Navera explained that when she first moved to New York, friends came out of the woodwork wanting to stay with her and then she would never hear from them again.
‘This is what I used to wish I knew how to say, it would have saved me a lot of hassle.
“I can’t see anyone right now, but I’m so excited you’re visiting New York. While you’re here, let me know what’s a good time to go for dinner, coffee, a drink, a walk – whatever you want.”
Navera explained that many of those people probably wouldn’t even be interested in spending time together if they didn’t get free housing.
To find out whether it’s appropriate to simply say no to potential visitors, FEMAIL contacted an etiquette expert.
Content creator Navera shared a TikTok where she talked about an interesting etiquette question asked in a newsletter about hosting vacationers in a small apartment
People quickly rushed to the comments to share their own frustrations with uninvited house guests
“I used to be so afraid of upsetting people by not letting them stay with me and telling people no,” Navera said.
The New Yorker explained that she would make excuses, such as being busy at work or having health problems.
People quickly rushed to the comments to share their own frustrations with uninvited house guests.
“This happened to me once and I said, ‘I can’t do that, but if you get an Airbnb, I can tell you if it’s in a good neighborhood or not.’ Ensure radio silence,” one person complained.
Others shared stories of guests staying with them but not spending time together afterwards.
“I hosted someone once and they planned their entire trip according to their plans and not one invitation to hang out with me,” one commenter shared.
Others explained that people in big cities known for their small apartments often simply don’t have space to rent, especially if they live in a studio.
“I don’t think people understand that staying in someone’s apartment in New York is very close. It’s an air mattress in the living room and a shared bathroom, not a guest room situation,” one person wrote.
Commenters explained that people in big cities known for their small apartments often simply don’t have space to rent, especially if they live in a studio (stock image)
Etiquette expert Nick Leighton, host of the Were you raised by wolves? podcast, told FEMAIL: ‘My favorite sentence is: “Unfortunately it’s not possible”‘
People shared their own advice, including what they said to potential guests, including: ‘I live in a studio and it’s not built for more than one person. You won’t feel comfortable here’, or simply suggest specific hotels.
Etiquette expert Nick Leighton, host of the Were you raised by wolves? podcast, told FEMAIL that when it comes to turning away potential houseguests, “My favorite line is, ‘Unfortunately, that’s not possible.’
“No explanation or apology required or recommended,” Nick, who lives in New York, explained to DailyMail.com. “Repeat this phrase as necessary until they exhaust themselves.”
“Once you start apologizing, it can easily become a negotiation, and we want to avoid that,” Nick said.
“If you really don’t want to host, just set that boundary and stick to it.”