The secret Erin Jayne took to her grave: As the awful facts are laid bare about the Plummers’ suicides two years apart, AMANDA GOFF reveals the most heartbreaking detail of all

I was shocked, but not entirely surprised, when I woke up to yesterday’s headlines that TV presenter Erin Jayne Plummer – who committed suicide two years ago – may have experienced domestic violence at the hands of her husband Alan when she died.

The allegations emerged after Alan himself was found dead at the foot of a cliff at Freshwater Beach on Sunday, having also committed suicide.

I didn’t know Erin Jayne, but I remember feeling terribly sad when she passed away in May 2022, leaving behind three daughters – now orphans – and her husband..

When they saw the perfect photos of the couple on the news, they looked so happy and so in love. Nestled together at dinners, circling each other on their wedding day, posing for family snaps. How lucky they were to have each other, I thought. While she may have been lost in the end, at least she knew love in her life.

And it really seemed like Erin had it all: a successful career as a TV host and aerobics star, stunning good looks and, as we assumed, the perfect husband of 22 years.

When the details of her death were made public – that she had jumped from the cliffs at Manly on Sydney’s northern beaches – the question that came to mind was: ‘How could such a beautiful-looking woman who had everything do something like that? ‘

Now it looks like we know why.

As revealed by this outlet yesterday, a NSW State Coroner’s inquest found she had confided in friends that she was a victim of domestic violence and coercive control and was planning to leave her husband.

“I can’t look at the Plummers’ photos the same way anymore. My heart goes out to her. And for other women living this nightmare,” Amanda wrote

Erin had a terrible secret that she only shared with a select few – she hadn’t even reported it to the police. The woman who looked so happy and in love in those photos was reportedly trapped in an abusive marriage.

The saying goes: ‘the camera doesn’t lie’. But it does. Ask the airbrushed influencers who can’t stand how they look without filters, or the happy couples who are basically on the verge of breaking up. Or the mother who hides her fear behind a forced smile and lipstick, ready to burst into tears at any moment and barely able to hold it together for her children.

I can’t look at the Plummers’ photos the same way anymore. My heart goes out to her. And for other women living this nightmare.

It’s a story I know all too well. Violence does not discriminate. These weddings are everywhere, even in the posh suburbs. Special in the posh suburbs.

Amanda: ‘Violence does not discriminate. These weddings are everywhere, even in the posh suburbs. Especially in the posh suburbs’

Instagram posts about mansions and designer clothes, fast cars and vacations in Aspen may look enviable, but I know the terrifying reality of what goes on inside some of those homes. I have been in Sydney’s eastern suburbs for 25 years; I am part of the community of school mothers, entrepreneurs and local residents. Believe me when I tell you, crawl beneath the surface and you will find privileged women living in million-dollar homes whose seemingly perfect lives are in reality absolute hell..

I know a few cops too. I once joked with someone how bored they must be out east – after all, what would they be hunting in Bondi? A few stolen wallets from the beach? The strange little cocaine bust? Lost dogs?

“You’d be surprised what’s really going on,” he replied. ‘The rates of domestic violence here are staggering, more so than in any other area I have worked in.’ And that doesn’t just apply to the east, it’s also the northern beaches and the chic north coast. Wherever there is a lot of money, you will find men who treat their women like dirt.

It was a shock to me, but it shouldn’t have been that way. In my previous life as the owner of a high-class escort agency, I mainly employed women over 40 who, with a few exceptions, all shared the same story: they were upper-middle-class divorcees with horror stories about their “perfect” marriages.

Some had escaped physical violence, others had married drug addicts and narcissists. Some were controlled by husbands with money and access to children. Some were subjected to horrific emotional and verbal abuse.

It was horrifying to hear their stories, and I have so much respect for the courage of these women who manage to escape – often destitute and broken – from these marriages.

And it’s not just abusive men they’re running from. Many women who seem to live a perfect life online struggle with their own problems: drinking, drugs, loneliness.

I lost a friend to alcoholism – a beautiful friend and professional model. She struggled with anxiety and loneliness, and drank to escape her sadness. No one would have guessed it based on her social media, designer wardrobe and career.

Finding support is not easy. It takes courage to escape abusive marriages, especially if the husband controls the finances and the children.

Erin’s last Instagram post, from a business trip to New Zealand, was posted four weeks before her death

The suicides of Erin Jayne and her husband left the couple’s three children orphaned

Mr Plummer was found dead on Freshwater Beach on Sunday morning (photo).

There’s also the shame factor and keeping up with the Joneses. The fear of what your high-society friends would think if they knew how tragic your life was.

I suspect many of them experience this too – or at least more than you think. It may not always be about physical violence, but about coercive control, affairs, verbal abuse, disrespect and – something I personally find abhorrent – ​​parental alienation.

As women, we need to stop clinging to the idea that our lives have to be “perfect.” There is no shame in wrestling, there is no shame in honesty, there is no shame in asking for help. If you are one of those women desperately trying to keep up appearances while trapped in an abusive marriageMy advice to you is to tell someone, or better yet, report it to the police, and do it today. You’re not alone: ​​once one woman speaks up, others will follow.

It could save another woman’s life, or more importantly, yours.