EPHRAIM HARDCASTLE: Harry and Meghan found that US security services rarely indulge in frivolities

EPHRAIM HARDCASTLE: Assuming US police would guard them in California, Harry and Meghan found, to their cost, that the US security services rarely indulge in frivolities

Assuming US police would guard them in California, Harry and Meghan discovered, to their cost, that the US security services rarely indulge in frivolities.

Still, William, who turned 41 on Wednesday, received an unexpected birthday message from the U.S. Diplomatic Security Service, the State Department men in black who protect visitors.

The agency tweeted: “Happy birthday to the Prince of Wales!” accompanied by a photo taken last year in Boston of a burly “cop” with William and Kate.

Surely not an unsubtle dig at Harry and Meghan?

Has King Charles done away with the scenic tradition of Royal Ascot drivers waving glove puppets as they follow the carriage procession from Windsor Castle?

Assuming US police would guard them in California, Harry and Meghan discovered, to their cost, that the US security services rarely indulge in frivolities

Royal drivers in the empty limousines wore glove puppets, including Sooty and Sweep puppets

Royal drivers in the empty limousines wore glove puppets, including Sooty and Sweep puppets

In the last ten years of the late Queen’s presence, the drivers of the empty limousines wore glove puppets – Sooty and Sweep could be seen waving to those who lined the route before parking to await their royal passengers for the return journey.

Sooty and chums were absent this week. Off their oats?

The King continues his mother’s tradition of handing out royal Victorian gongs to the staff, with baubles this time for a gamekeeper, a carpenter, a tractor driver, a wage clerk, Princess Alexandra’s dresser and a receptionist.

There used to be an ulterior motive: a convenient method of rewarding staff instead of a pay rise.

Knighthoods and peerages continue to reflect male supremacy and turn women into ladies.

Otherwise it doesn’t work. Sir Elton John’s husband, David Furnish, once complained that he was simply being a gentleman, saying, “I have not thought about what would be an appropriate designation for a gentleman’s husband.”

The Honors Unit prefers to let sleeping dogs lie down.

Derek Jacobi, packing his toga to fly to Malta to film Gladiator 2 with Paul Mescal (pictured), may struggle to identify his Irish co-star

Derek Jacobi, packing his toga to fly to Malta to film Gladiator 2 with Paul Mescal (pictured), may struggle to identify his Irish co-star

Derek Jacobi, packing his toga to fly to Malta to film Gladiator 2 with Paul Mescal, may have trouble identifying his Irish co-star.

“He’s the newest of the newest, isn’t he?” asks Derek, 84. “I don’t think I’ve seen him in anything. I heard his name, but I can’t see his face.’

Perhaps Paul, pictured, who stars as Lucius, nephew of the Roman Emperor Commodus, can help Derek by donning a name tag with the Latin inscription ‘normalis populis’, the title of his groundbreaking BBC series.

On the publication of his forthcoming book Code of Conduct: Why We Need To Fix Parliament, Labor MP Sir Chris Bryant piously announces: ‘I care passionately about the state of parliament.

It is the only way we can change the country for the better. But public horror at our shenanigans undermines it.”

Is this the same Bryant who was accused of saying the latter ‘f*** off’ during a clash with speaker Sir Lindsay Hoyle on PMQs in 2020?

The flats on Cundy Street in Belgravia where Charles and Camilla first shared a kiss 51 years ago no longer exist.

Royal comrade the Duke of Westminster has razed them to the ground and is building a shopping mall. Heritage plaque anyone?