There’s Bazball and then there’s just Brainless.
England crossed the line with an inexplicable and totally irresponsible passage of play that risked forfeiting a golden opportunity to really put pressure on Australia.
Just as England seemed to have put behind them a nightmarish opening day of this second Test and positively but sensibly worked their way to at least parity with Australia, they seemed determined to throw it all away.
England had taken the last five wickets to fall for 77 runs in the session and limited Australia to 416 all out when, at one point on Wednesday, when they reached 316 for three, it looked like things were much worse.
Then they raced to 188 for one in almost six hours and had just seen Australia’s most successful bowler in this Ashes in Nathan Lyon limping with a calf injury that may keep him out of the rest of this Test and possibly the series.
Ollie Pope was the first of three quick sacks, falling to 42 at Cameron Green’s bowling alley
Opener Ben Duckett left for 98 – just two shy of his second-ever home Test century
Joe Root fell disappointingly short by 10 after a brilliant dive catch from Steve Smith
Meanwhile, Mitchell Starc and Josh Hazlewood leaked runs and Cameron Green struggled with the no ball problem that has plagued England so far in this series.
The clouds had lifted and the field had leveled off after all that moving through the sky and the surface under lights on the first day. It was too early, with England still 228 behind, to say Australia were out, but they were definitely down.
England just had to continue as they were. Just put their foot on Australia’s throat and fight themselves back in a test they can’t afford to miss. Instead, they seemed to intend to wrap the urn as a gift and hand it over to the old enemy.
It was crazy cricket when Ollie Pope, Ben Duckett, within two runs of an Ashes hundred at Lord’s, and even Joe Root all threw away their wickets by pulling off the most obvious short-ball trick ever seen in an Ashes- test can be devised. It was just stupid.
Dom was the only description for the way Harry hit Brook too. He just seemed determined to withdraw and slog and should have been caught on 25 by square leg Marnus Labuschagne from Pat Cummins to give Australia another wicket on a board.
Yes, England want to continue their ultra-aggressive brand of cricket that has so transformed their Test fortunes and which should have given them victory in the first Test of this series at Edgbaston.
But this went too far and tested the patience of even the most devoted disciples of what Bazball does for the great old game. Didn’t we enjoy ourselves? Well, it was hardly dull, but it was far too reckless for long-suffering English comfort.
Thank goodness Ben Stokes batted sensibly and with Brook calming down beside him, England moved to 278 for four by the end. But it should have been so much better.
The second day had also started so well. There was more England purpose in the field, a bounce in their stride that was so curiously lacking on the first day. From the moment Stuart Broad trapped Alex Carey with his fourth ball of the day, using a review, England were back in the game.
Starc swung wildly to Jimmy Anderson and was caught well by Jonny Bairstow, who had a much better game behind the stumps, before Steve Smith went on inexorably to his 32nd Test hundred and his 12th against England.
Josh Tongue was the first bowler to dismiss Smith in his brief spell at Sussex earlier in the season over a questionable lbw decision at New Road, but this time there was no doubt as Smith aimed a big drive at the worcestershire bowler and caught well fed up. the gully.
When Lyon and Hazlewood were both sacked by Ollie Robinson, England had had a satisfying morning and turned it into a successful afternoon as Duckett and Zak Crawley batted purposefully and enterprisingly in an opening score of 91.
Crawley’s driving was first class and it was once again possible to see why England had such confidence in him. At least until he danced across the wicket to Lyon and gave him his fourth stumping of these Ashes. It was too easy, but it’s part of the Crawley package.
What was less excusable was the decision by England’s other batsmen to take on every bouncer aimed at them in a seven period of complete madness.
Pope looks a much more complete player when he plays well and scored perfectly quickly going through to 42. But then he moved across and tried to beat Cameron Green for six and only managed to beat Smith on the square leg boundary of hit the top.
Three balls later, Green appeared to have the wicket of the No. 1 ranked batsman in the world when Root passed another short glove to Carey, only to see umpire Ahsan Raza signal the fifth no-ball of the all-rounder’s spell. It was a delay that England paid no heed to.
Harry Brook came to the fold after the wickets of Pope, Duckett and Root to finish 44*
A staunch 17 of 57 by Captain Ben Stokes (left) helped steady the ship and lead the hosts to the finish
Duckett took every short ball and just couldn’t hole out to most of them, including one that saw Lyon run in and damage his calf, when he singled to take him to 98.
It would have been three figures if a throw from Labuschagne hadn’t hit the stumps and instead went for knockdowns with no one backing off. How Duckett will now regret Labuschagne’s piece of accuracy after handing Hazlewood his wicket.
What Root thought as he continued the madness only he knows, but he too went up by making a short ball, this time Smith ran in from square leg and completed a low catch which TV umpire Marais Erasmus rightly ruled to be he was clean.
England are still very much in it, still 165 down, but who knows what’s in store on day three. The only thing that is certain is that it will not get boring.