Emma Hayes: ‘I’ve got energy again, excitement, a chance to build something’

“W“If there was one moment that I knew we were going to win gold? Probably the toe save,” says Emma Hayes, after a pause to think. “After the toe save I was like, ‘Oh, your name is on it. Your name is on it.’”

That “toe save” came in the 119th minute of the United States’ Olympic semifinal against Germany, when goalkeeper Alyssa Naeher leaped to tip away Laura Freigang’s close-range header to preserve their lead. Four days later, Mallory Swanson’s 57th-minute strike gave the U.S. gold against Brazil, a stunning 72 days after Hayes had overseen her first practice.

The victory brought pain as Hayes kissed her late father Sid’s American Eagle necklace, but the short journey from taking the lead to the final was joyful after “the hardest year of my 12 years [at Chelsea]”, she says.

Sitting on a sofa in the back room of a studio in Brick Lane, London, where she is promoting her book on leadership, A completely different gameWritten with author Mike Calvin, the fatigue Hayes exuded during her final year at Chelsea seems to come flooding back to her face when she talks about it.

The announcement of her appointment as US national coach was made hastily in November, just as the news was about to break. From that moment on, she was juggling.

“Maybe I didn’t realise how hard it would be,” she says. “I’m just a very loyal person, so I didn’t want to walk away halfway through. I just didn’t want to put the club and the girls in that position, even though it was in my best interest to do so.

“From that day on it was really, really challenging because for the first time in a long time it brought uncertainty into a place where there wasn’t any… I found it incredible to win a title with that background. It was hard because I never wanted anyone to accuse me of cutting corners and not doing everything I could for Chelsea. I was pushing myself too hard and that was just hell for me. I also think I did that because I was grieving so much.”

Sid died in September after being diagnosed with lung cancer, and had told Hayes that if she was offered the job in the US, she should take it. Sid had been a strong advocate for her career and his loss was felt in her professional world as much as her personal one. Sitting in the Chelsea dugout was now traumatic and, in the long term, it was unthinkable without Sid in his usual place in the stands. “I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore – I couldn’t breathe,” she says.

Her fatigue was also a culmination of years of personal trauma, from the birth of her son and the loss of his twin brother to her emergency hysterectomy after a long battle with endometriosis.

“The last three years my endo had gotten really bad,” she says. “Then I had a hysterectomy and the part you don’t talk about is the sudden menopause. Learning to live with the sudden menopause was really hard. It took me a while to get my estrogen levels in order, and my physical and emotional well-being in order. Right around the time I had it, my dad was diagnosed and passed away.

“Within 10 days or so of his funeral, or even less, I’m offered the job I’ve always dreamed of. I don’t think I’ve given myself time to grieve. I don’t know what that looks like – I’ve talked to my sisters about it. It comes in small chunks for me, but I was so down about it for a long time. I had to do a job where you’re in the public eye, you’re under scrutiny, you’re the spokesperson for the sport, you’re running a team and a club that expects to win. I found that really hard to live with.”

The U.S. supported Hayes’ decision to serve out her time at Chelsea. To do both jobs, Hayes would finish her work, spend time with her son, Harry, and then, once he was in bed, turn her thoughts to the U.S. How much sleep did she get during those months? “Oh, not enough, not nearly enough,” she says. “But I knew that if I was going to get started right away, I had to take care of some things in the background. I was never going to do it on my Chelsea clock, and I was never going to do it before Harry went to bed.

“What I found really difficult was that I was literally doing everything I could to lead Chelsea to another title. But it just felt like a rut. And I just couldn’t make it go any better.”

When the season ended, a 6-0 win at Old Trafford secured the WSL title, Hayes wanted to perform for the US. “I felt so supported from the beginning. But I also felt obligated because they had been waiting for me. So I wanted to give them the best version of myself. I was exhausted and I had to find the energy. I remember Matt Crocker [US Soccer technical director] saying to me, ‘Emma, ​​you don’t realize how much energy a change will give you.’ It did. I expected to feel that dip at the end of the season, but it didn’t. I have energy again. I have enthusiasm again. I have a chance to build something again.”

There was no fear of the transition. “I’m always very keen to make the most of the time you have. Be concise. Think of different ways to get your information across, to anchor it. If you teach things well enough, you can implement it. And of course you have to have the right players at the right time and all those things. When you’re in a club team, sometimes players leave their work behind… I’ve learnt with internationals that they know they’re not going to be there very often, so they make every day count.”

The gaps between camps and games are unfamiliar, but “brilliant,” Hayes says. “I can get Emma’s brain back. The menopause fog has eased. I’ve got my estrogen and my hormonal stuff in a better place. I can start strategizing for 2027. You don’t get the chance to do that at club level, the quality work in between. Putting together a strategy for 2027 is exciting. Thinking about how we can implement the game model through our youth is exciting. I have the time to do it. Often you don’t have the time to implement things, and I’m a builder.”

The immediate task of winning Olympic gold, however, was enormous. “I looked at the expected goals model over the last 12 months. I looked at the chance creation over the last 12 months. The US was miles away from the top five teams at the Olympics. The gap between Spain and the US was so big [she holds her hands wide]. So I thought, ‘I’ve got to close this gap.’ What did the team need most? ‘Structure, organization, a plan.’

If it was difficult to keep Alex Morgan and other veterans off the roster, it was also difficult to deal with the fallout after midfielder Korbin Albert responded positively to homophobic social media posts, including one directed at Megan Rapinoe, that were picked up by players, fans and the media before Hayes arrived.

“Particularly in America, the political and religious divide means that there are always going to be very different opinions in the dressing room,” Hayes says, “but at the heart of it has to be an appreciation and understanding that where that difference exists, we are respectful of each other and we understand what our responsibilities are when we put on the shirt. I totally respect that, rightly, a lot of people were angry, but I couldn’t give all the answers that they might have been looking for when I walked into something that was relatively unfamiliar to me.”

Part of her connection with players and introducing ideas is her use of stories – whether it’s addressing pain barriers at the Olympics by telling the team about ultramarathoner Courtney Dauwalter’s circumstances or handing out books she thinks will resonate.

Does she remember things she’s read and draw on them, or does she find stories that fit the messages? “Both. When I once gave each of the girls a copy of Siddhartha, I just thought, ‘Oh, this is so perfect, for so many of them in so many ways, as they think about their path, whatever that might look like.’ I know the profound impact that would have had on me in a similar moment. Of course, it will resonate with some, it won’t resonate with others, but I know they want to develop their leadership.

“I might think about things that have come my way or ask mentors what they think would be good for a particular player.”

It’s important to enrich yourself outside of football. Hayes studied intelligence and international relations at university with aspirations of becoming a spy. “I can’t help it,” she says, to stay culturally alive. “It changed for a while, from reading. I became a big podcast listener. I still am. What’s happened now is that I’ve found myself going back into politics, which is really great. I don’t know if it was triggered by a desire to understand more about and around current American politics. I’ve studied so much politics and economics post-1945, and I feel like I’m getting back to reading things that I really, really enjoyed, like reading The Economist again.”