Elliot Page reveals he never felt like a girl and tried to teach himself to urinate standing up

Elliot Page has revealed that he never felt like a girl and even tried to teach himself to pee standing up as a kid.

The actor, 36 who was once known as Ellen Page and came out as transgender in 2020, made the revelation in his candid new memoir Pageboy.

He recalled feeling uncomfortable in his body when he was just four years old and wrote, “I pressed my vagina, held it, squeezed and squeezed it, hoping I could aim.”

It comes after Elliott revealed he passed up a movie opportunity after his breakout role in Juno so he wouldn’t have to wear a female costume.

He described withdrawing from a “sought-after role” in a period play, writing in his new memoir Pageboy that the idea of ​​wearing a dress and a wig made him “want to kill himself.”

Open and honest: The actor who was once known as Ellen Page and came out as transgender in 2020 – made the revelation in his candid new memoir Pageboy

The role came to the Oscar-nominated actor after the 2008 awards season while suffering from gender dysphoria.

“I would picture myself in a mid-nineteenth century woman’s costume. The dress, the shoes, the hair flashed before my eyes. It was too much after putting on the mask for awards season,” Page wrote.

“I understood that if I did it, I would want to kill myself.”

“After awards season ended, I had to do a movie in England. It was based on a famous book and I was attached as the main character, a much-requested role,” Page wrote.

“It was too much to play a role on screen when the role I played in my personal life was already suffocating me,” the actor continued.

“I forced myself to dispel the truth for fear of banishment, but I was despondent, trapped in a ghastly disguise. An empty, purposeless shell.’

Page continued, “It wasn’t easy explaining to my reps that I couldn’t take a role because of clothing. A face flinched and tilted sideways, “But you’re an actor?” Movie wardrobe accessories ripped from my insides, claws slicing open my organs.’

“I cringed at the way people would light up when they saw me in feminine clothes, like I’d done a miraculous feat,” Page added.

Dysphoria: He recalled feeling uncomfortable in his body, he was only four years old and wrote: “I pressed my vagina, held it, squeezed and squeezed it, hoping I could aim”

Breakout role: It comes after Elliott revealed he passed up a movie opportunity after his breakout role in Juno so he wouldn’t have to wear a female costume, pictured in a still from Juno

While the actor did not reveal the name of the role he passed on, it was reported by Variety in 2008 that he had been cast in an adaptation of Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre.

The role eventually went to Mia Wasikowska who starred alongside Michael Fassbender, and the film was released in 2011.

Elliot has spoken out in the past about how he was forced to wear dresses and heels while advertising Juno “almost killed him.”

In a recent interview with ABC, he elaborated further, explaining, “It’s not like someone was forcing clothes on my physical body. But that’s what it felt like to dress a certain way and be a certain way.”

“I think it got especially complicated as an actor because people just said, ‘Well, you’re an actor. Just put on those goddamn clothes.’ You know?’ he admitted. “But needless to say, it was so much more than that.”

“I used to think it was and still find it difficult to talk about it. It has to do with this: ‘Your dreams come true’, because I felt like complaining or feeling bad at all, just so deeply ungrateful.’

Difficult season: The role came to the Oscar-nominated actor after the 2008 awards season, when he experienced gender dysphoria while wearing feminine clothing; In the photo 2008

Jane Eyre? While the actor did not reveal the name of the role, it was reported in 2008 that Page had been cast in an adaptation of Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre. The role eventually went to Mia Wasikowska (pictured in a still from the film)

Page made a number of other revelations in his new memoir, including his failed attempts to have sex with a man at age 16, as he struggled with his sexuality years before coming out as gay.

Page revealed that he once dated a classmate named Kenneth and repeatedly tried to lose his virginity to him – to no avail.

In Pageboy, he wrote that the pair — who met in grade 10 at Queen Elizabeth High School in Halifax, Nova Scotia — would “roam upstairs” and engage in “dry humping,” which didn’t thrill Page.

He wrote, “Kenneth was sweet, sensitive and adorable. A unique face with prominent cheekbones and electric eyes, his hair dark brown and limp.

“Upstairs we’d be acting crazy. I didn’t really like it, but I didn’t mind either.

Painful revelations: Page spoke out about how being forced to wear dresses and heels while promoting Juno “almost killed him” in a recent interview with ABC

Revelations: Pageboy was released on Tuesday, June 6, giving fans a ‘brutally honest’ look at his career and personal life

“The kissing, meh. Dry humping, okay. I would pretend I had an orgasm. Not that Kenneth wasn’t or wouldn’t be fantastic in bed. I’m sure he would be a selfless and generous lover.”

Page said that when they tried to have sex, Kenneth was unable to enter him, adding, “That whole ‘wet’ thing didn’t happen.”

“We would try and then stop, try and then stop, try and then stop, and then we would stop trying. I was lucky to have someone as sweet as him, it could have turned out differently.’

Elsewhere, Page claimed he had sex with Juno co-star Olivia Thirlby “all the time” while they were filming the hit 2007 movie — just days after he revealed he was having a secret romance with Kate Mara.

Page was reportedly paid “north of $3 million” to write his 288-page tell-all, which Flatiron Books published June 6.