Elizabeth Kopple writes heartbreaking essay about her son’s death after dropping him off at college: ‘Never take anything for granted’

A loving mother has written a heartbreaking essay telling how her 18-year-old son was killed on his first day of university after an ‘unstable structure’ collapsed on top of him.

Elizabeth Kopple, of Santa Monica, California, personally took her teenage son, Henry, to his unknown college.

It was a rite of passage for both of them as she prepared to send him on the next chapter of his life. Unfortunately, that chapter was cut short after tragedy struck when Henry was fatally injured.

One year after his death, she describes how she processes the family’s devastating loss.

“After one last hug – He always hugged you twice when he said goodbye – I left for the airport,” notes Elizabeth.

He died days later.

Elizabeth talks about her son’s childhood and how she saw him grow into adulthood

“He would overcome so many challenges to get there: attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and difficulty connecting with other children,” Kopple began in the poignant essay for HuffPost. ‘As he matured, he gained confidence by taking part in cross country, drama and debating.’

Henry went to college, which Elizabeth does not identify by name, and had close ties with fellow classmates and went on hikes with his newfound friends.

One week later, Elizabeth met her son on campus to be with him for a few days during his orientation.

‘Henry arrived early to walk with other incoming freshmen. When I met him the following week during his orientation on campus, he introduced me to his new classmates. I joined them for a meal in the dining hall, attended a presentation for parents and helped him settle in,’ she explains.

Elizabeth notes that she could see that her son was happy and seemed to be settling into university life quickly.

Within a few days it was time for her to fly back home. It would be the last time they would be with each other.

Elizabeth writes about how she took her son Henry, pictured, to college to make sure he settled in and even joined him for a few days on his orientation week before parting ways

“I put my hands around Henry’s waist, pressed my right cheek against his chest, closed my eyes and squeezed. In that moment, I embraced every version of my son: chubby baby, curious toddler, cocky seventh grader in braces, hungry teenager, all the rest I’ve known and known,’ Elizabeth wrote.

But disaster struck just days after they parted ways, on Henry’s first day of school.

He died under an unstable structure that collapsed on top of him. Two other students were also injured.

Straight out she writes: ‘Just like that, he’s gone.’

‘The center of my chest starts to ache, as it does when something terrible might happen. But it already has. I will never feel my arms around my son’s broad shoulders again. There are so many. It’s too much. In my mind, I’m still planning for parents’ weekend, Thanksgiving, to send his winter clothes, and on and on and on.

‘In an instant, every expectation for our family and our future was wiped out,’ she writes movingly.

Henry died on the first day of class when an ‘unstable structure’ collapsed on him. He is pictured in his dorm room after being moved in with the help of his mother

Describing him as ‘cocky and clumsy, brilliant and beautiful, honest and kind’, it is clear from her writings how she finds it difficult to grasp the concept of life without him.

It is now almost a full year since Henry died under such tragic circumstances.

The whole family tried to cope with the huge void that Henry left in their whole life, including his younger brother who is also about to go to university.

“I’m still alive, but at a lower volume,” Elizabeth explains. ‘Our family spent these months as a close unit, seeking therapy, attending loss groups and spending time with loved ones.

Elizabeth shares how the nature of grief is that it is ‘all-pervading’ and always present even after a good day in which she may be dressing, wearing make-up or ‘looking good’.

‘Celebrities reveal tragedies from their past, and I’m more attuned to the grief of strangers. I connected with more than a dozen grieving parents in my support groups, each with a heartbreaking story. We understand and accept each other’s losses in a way that no one else can.’

As she deals with another such great loss, Elizabeth’s other teenage son is about to move out and move across the country to attend school in Washington DC

Knowing that she would be thousands of miles away from her only other living child, she and husband Chuck decided to also move to the nation’s capital to be close to him. The family chose to rent the house of a local professor.

It is a kind of coping mechanism.

‘We gave him the chance to say no. He’s not thrilled with the idea, but he agreed, as long as we keep our distance. He might realize how important it is for our mental well-being,’ explains Elizabeth.

‘It’s not a perfect situation, but it’s a way for our family to move forward. Maybe there are other ways—dealing with grief is different for everyone—but this is what feels right, at least for now.

‘All I can do is wish good days ahead and never take anything for granted. This might be the happiest I’ll ever be.’