DR MAX PEMBERTON: New moms shouldn’t feel like a failure

Everyone has an opinion about raising children and it is mothers, not fathers, who bear the brunt of those who can’t resist sharing their children.

Healthcare workers are not immune to the finger-wagging habit. We hand out advice to expectant and new moms and then roll our eyes when it goes unheeded. Do this, don’t do that, never mind that what we advise often seems to change from one week to the next.

Is it any wonder so many new mothers report high levels of stress and postpartum depression?

Nowhere is the relentless pressure on mothers more evident than in breastfeeding. This one biological act is politicized and polarized like no other.

Women are already being told that if they don’t breastfeed their children, they are essentially dooming them to a life of illness and disease. And now, according to the latest research from Oxford University, it’s their fault if their kids fail their GCSEs and A-levels too.

The study published last week found that children who have been breastfed for 12 months are three times more likely to get top grades in math and English. There is a link to fatty acids in breast milk that are thought to stimulate brain development.

But come on – and I say this gently – can we just give new moms a break?

Yes, we all know that breastfeeding is better for a baby and there is growing evidence that it can have benefits well into adulthood. But time and time again I’ve seen the flip side of breastfeeding, when problems with it cause women to have major breakdowns.

It’s such a hugely emotional topic that some doctors, nurses and midwives feel emboldened to berate those who decide not to, leading women to think they’ve failed as mothers if they find breastfeeding difficult or even impossible.

I find it extraordinary that in a society where we value bodily autonomy, we are so draconian when it comes to women and their breasts – and woe betide any woman who makes a decision that goes against medical opinion.

Instead of asking why a woman doesn’t breastfeed her child – how difficult it is for many mothers, the real physical pain it can cause, the limited access to breastfeeding support staff, for example – we point the finger of blame right away.

No consideration has been given to how this might make them feel at what is known as a very vulnerable time for a woman’s mental health.

Many things that parents do, the choices they make, have a long-term effect on their children. What they feed them, where they want to live, how much television and screen time they allow, whether they read to them, whether both parents work, whether they divorce – the list is endless.

Why do we choose breastfeeding as the thing we feel most free to have an opinion about, and a judgmental one? I am deeply concerned about how this perpetuates the narrative that problems in a person’s life can be laid entirely at the feet of their mother. Things just aren’t that simple.

This issue urgently needs an injection of poise and compassion. Telling women that they’re risking their baby’s intelligence if they can’t physically make breastfeeding work seems downright cruel to me.

While the Oxford study was well-designed and ambitious, it by no means provides concrete evidence of an IQ boost.

We know that those who are economically and socially advantaged are more likely to breastfeed, and of course they also have more resources to help children do well in exams. To be fair, the Oxford study did take this into account.

But there are so many other determinants of a child’s GCSE performance, so many potential influences in the 16 years leading up to it, that it seems very difficult to say with any certainty what gives one child an edge over another.

Nor does it mean that those who are not breastfed will inevitably fare worse than those who are. Even the study authors themselves concluded that longer duration of breastfeeding was only associated with “modest improvements” in grades.

Still, the breastfeeding lobby will no doubt wave this new research as sure proof of an intelligence walk.

As activists, they always seemed to me too narrow-minded and dogmatic to allow for reservation or criticism, but instead used every bit of research to catch mothers off guard.

The “Breast Is Best” mantra was intended as a liberating, pithy response to the slick formula milk commercials of the 1990s. But instead, it leaves many women feeling guilty and useless in what should be one of the proudest, most joyful times of their lives.

I would much rather have a mom who bottle-fed a baby feeling calm and relaxed than a mom who was depressed and worried about not breastfeeding enough.

Being a mother is stressful enough without feeling like your child’s future rests on your breasts.

Consultants in England vote on whether to go on strike in July. I hope they don’t follow young doctors and vote yes. I hear that more people are choosing to go private to avoid delays due to strikes, which means the medical profession is increasingly punishing the poorest and most vulnerable.

Jen’s soft training goals

I’m sure many women would give their eye teeth for a body like Jennifer Aniston’s. But it seems to have come with a price.

The actress, 54, has revealed that she’s suffered a lot of injuries over the last 15 years from training “too hard”: “I just burned out and broke my body,” she said.

I’ve seen this in many people in their 40s and 50s who push themselves too much. They’re so determined to hold back the years that they don’t realize their bodies just aren’t the same as they were in their twenties. Our joints are not as strong, we don’t have as much muscle mass and it takes longer to recover from exercise.

The fact is that you don’t have to go leather in the gym to stay fit. I worry that those celebrities who espouse debilitating regimens are sending the wrong message.

At least Aniston has been honest about the effects on her body and is now advocating softer exercise goals. Don’t push yourself to the breaking point. Regular, gentle exercise that gets the heart pumping is all you need.

Davina McCall’s Channel 4 documentary about the pill has caused quite a stir since it aired last week. In it she claims that the pill can cause depression. Some people have expressed fear that this could cause women to stop using it.

Given that McCall’s latest documentary on menopause led to a huge spike in women using HRT, such is her reach, I wonder if she will be responsible for a mini-baby boom? I think some caution is needed.

Yes, we definitely should do more research on the long-term effects of the pill, but I think it’s unlikely to cause depression – at least for most women. They should talk to their doctor and consider their options before stopping.

Dr Max prescribes… Polarized sunglasses

Between 5 and 10 percent of skin cancers occur on the eyelids, so make sure you wear adequate eye protection when the weather is sunny.

Sunscreen often stings the eyes, so sunglasses may be a better option, but do buy a good quality pair.

Regular sunglasses provide basic protection against bright light and UV rays, but only polarized lenses block blinding glare. They can also improve visual acuity, color contrast and visual comfort by blocking all harmful UVA and UVB light.