Does penis size matter? Why millions of men have the wrong idea about what Australian women want, writes JANA HOCKING
Oh men, you precious sweaty, hairy, growling creatures. You may be clever and good at building things with your bare hands, but sometimes you can be deceived.
You see, there is an age-old sexual belief that you always carry with you that is simply wrong, wrong, wrong.
In fact, the sex industry, with all its ridiculous lotions and potions, has fooled you and many of you have spent a lot of money for nothing!
This became clear on Monday evening after another juicy edition of my ‘Tell me a Saucy Secret’ Instagram questionnaire.
One man wrote: ‘I am the proud owner of a big c**k. We’re talking huge!! I married my high school sweetheart and my biggest regret is not letting more women experience this.”
We women much prefer the average penis. So we can finally dispel once and for all the myth that women are looking for giant specimens. It’s just not true
Now, as someone who has seen one (okay, two!) particularly large ones, I wasn’t exactly impressed by this confession. In fact, it made me clench my thighs just thinking about it.
So I decided to include a survey asking the question: Are big ones overrated?
Over the next 24 hours, the votes came in strong and fast. While many men asked if I would show the final score. Everyone waited anxiously for the outcome.
Drum roll please… A whopping 76 percent of people (mostly women) voted YES!
Turns out we women much prefer the average penis. So we can finally dispel once and for all the myth that women are looking for giant specimens. It’s just not true.
What men seem to forget is that large specimens require a lot of preparation. For starters, we need plenty of lube, and then there’s the friction to deal with, not to mention chafing. Ouch!
And if you expect us to reach the big O, you might have to distract us from our breathing exercises to get the damn thing in.
I speak from experience. You see, the second guy I ever slept with had a huge one. Now I had only peed one for him, which on second thought was actually quite big too – no wonder it took me so long to lose my virginity.
But for the second, good sir, I needed all the enthusiasm in the world to prepare for it. But I really liked this guy, so I accepted the challenge.
Unfortunately, our favorite Sex and the City member, Samantha Jones, had led me to believe it would be an earth-shatteringly enjoyable experience. It was not. My mind was too busy navigating this new terrain that I couldn’t really sit back and enjoy it.
I persevered though, because like I said, the crush was real. Unfortunately, things never really got better. Ultimately, I had to call it off because sex is an important element in my relationships, and I didn’t see any improvement on the horizon.
One of my gay besties had the same experience. He still gets sad when he thinks about his ex, who was a ‘top’ and just way too big. He recently said to me, “Can you believe this is the reason we broke up!” not because of cheating, or too many fights, but just a throbbing member that was way too… well… throbbing!
And it’s not just the elongated items we wear on men that we prefer mid-length. According to a recent survey by online sex toy store Lovehoney, the preferred size for a dildo is 15.24 cm (6 inches). Hardly gigantic.
So for all the guys out there who are constantly worried about not packing enough downstairs, relax. You can stop buying the flashy cars and waving your black Amex in an attempt to distract us. We don’t want them big. We want nice, normal sizes.
If you expect us to reach the big O, you might have to distract us from our breathing exercises to get the damn thing in.
What we really care about is whether you know how to use it. Oh, and cleanliness. Always cleanliness.
Just like men vary in their tastes when it comes to women’s bodies: some like big butts, some like small ones. Others prefer gigantic breasts, some like smaller, firmer breasts. Women are exactly the same.
Therefore, NDE should be reserved for the mind, not the pants. Now go guys and enjoy your mediocre schlongs, because we sure do.
READ MORE: War of the Willies! Data reveals average penis sizes around the world