Doctors dismissed my fertility struggles… this is why I’m glad I ignored them

Fertility problems in couples who already have children are being ‘ignored’ by British doctors, experts warn.

Problems in starting a family affect around 15 per cent of people in the UK.

But another five percent of people struggle to conceive as parents, when they are trying to have more children, or after they were previously pregnant but had a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy.

The fertility regulator and charities have now spoken out to highlight the “heartbreak” these people are facing, as one mother described her seven-year struggle to conceive a sibling for her son.

Michaela Warner, from Derby, was completely unaware that she had a four-inch cyst wrapped around her right ovary, which had destroyed her fallopian tube and gave her less than a three percent chance of conceiving naturally.

But because she already had a child, she felt rejected by her GP and was rejected about seven times from various surgeries when she sought help.

Ms Warner, 33, only discovered the cyst after taking out a loan for IVF and undergoing a scan at fertility clinic TFP Nurture Fertility.

The daycare supervisor said: ‘My husband and I had only been together for three months when we became pregnant with our son Cole, who is now 10.

“It was so easy that we just expected our second child to be the same.

“But we couldn’t get pregnant for so many years and it was heartbreaking.

“People asked all the time if we were going to have another baby, and Cole even asked me if we could adopt his cousin.

“There was the odd comment that I should be grateful to have one child, but no matter how many children you have, fertility struggles are not easy.

“It was painful to watch Cole play on his own and desperately want him to have the little brother he kept saying he wanted.

“Maybe I never would have had another child, or realized that this cyst had damaged my fallopian tubes without the scan at Nurture Fertility, or if I had just followed the doctor’s advice to go home, relax, and keep trying .’

Fertility Network UK has a support group for people with ‘secondary’ infertility, where women who have previously been pregnant cannot become pregnant again.

The charity’s director, Gwenda Burns, said: ‘The fear of secondary infertility is very real and can be just as devastating as primary infertility.

“It’s important to recognize that many people have intense desires about the size of family they would like.”

Sarah Norcross, director of the fertility organization Progress Educational Trust, said: ‘Secondary infertility is sometimes ignored by doctors, and people can be left in silence without knowing the source of the problem.

“It is a devastating blow to many couples who want to have more than one child and complete their family.

‘We would like to see GPs pay more attention to this.’

Ms. Warner and her husband of seven years, 41-year-old forklift driver David, always assumed they would have more than one child.

The couple planned to have two children, three years apart, so that the siblings could be about the same age and grow up together.

This ultimately did not happen, despite all efforts from ovulation tests to multivitamins and adopting a healthier diet.

It wasn’t until they turned to fertility treatment that they discovered the problem.

Fortunately, Ms. Warner got pregnant last October after a round of IVF and now has a baby boy named Harley, who is nine months old.

She said, “I took eight separate pregnancy tests because I wanted to make sure I was really pregnant.

“I’ve been taking pictures of my belly and videos of Harley kicking my whole pregnancy.

“There were so many times I’d mistakenly thought I was pregnant before, because I felt sick or my period was late, that I didn’t want to take anything for granted.

“It was all worth it, but I don’t want anyone else to go through this and be ignored.”

Dr. James Hopkisson, medical director of TFP Fertility Group, who provided the IVF that gave rise to baby Harley, said: ‘NHS supply of IVF is rationed so there is a postcode lottery and those who have a child are currently excluded.

“There are also concerns that pressure on stretched GPs will delay research.”

Clare Ettinghausen, from fertility regulator the Human Fertilization & Embryology Authority (HFEA), said: ‘There are several reasons why people struggle to conceive, even if they have had a baby before.

Fertility issues can be very stressful and we recommend that all those affected speak to their GP as soon as possible.

“Secondary infertility can be heartbreaking for anyone experiencing it and any research in this area is welcome to help understand and support those affected by it.”