Do you know your attachment style? Psychologist devises 10-question quiz to tell if you crave commitment or run from it – and it could help you have healthier romantic relationships
Dr Carmen said:
If you especially answered If you are an independent:
The Independent exhibits an individualistic and distant character. If you are an independent person, you may hesitate to get into a relationship because you fear that a partner will compromise your cherished freedom.
This type of personality is defined by the need to be alone, and this becomes true not only in love, but also in other areas of life: you make your own path and do not look at what others are doing.
As you can imagine, this kind of libertine attitude doesn’t mix well with romanticism. You need a partner who can give you the space and time to participate in activities you enjoy. You don’t respond well to a needy person or someone who begs to spend every waking moment next to you. You prefer a partner who is busy and takes care of his or her own needs.
If you’re on the receiving end of this relationship, you’ll need to take small steps to work your way up to a commitment to the Independent. Because this archetype is used to doing things its own way, too strong an approach will backfire.
Instead, letting things come out of yourself is paramount to making progress. It is best to give them the freedom to manage their lives and intervene only when they ask for help. Efficient communication is essential because Independents mean what they say and say what they mean. Once this attachment type realizes what a great addition you are to their lives, the commitment can become solid.
If you mainly answered BS you are an introvert:
If you scored this archetype, your biggest struggle in a relationship is your fear of intimacy and the hesitation to let go of what you feel inside. This discrepancy, between what is shared with others and what is within the confines of your mind, is unique to an introvert. And while you may not mean it, your lack of communication could be misinterpreted by your partner as secrecy.
You are self-sufficient to a fault and enjoy being alone much more than being in a complicated relationship. To be committed, you must feel comfortable enough to open up completely to your significant other.
If you are on the receiving end of this relationship, you should know that the introvert can become deeply attached if their partner manages to break through their emotional and mental boundaries. Feeling understood and safe enough to share thoughts and ideas is crucial for the introvert.
If their partner disappoints them, the introvert will immediately go back into their shell. This is a highly imaginative archetype that enjoys having its mind nourished and its creativity tested; intellectual conversations stimulate them and encourage them to let down their guard.
An introvert will absorb even the smallest details of his environment, notice things that other people easily overlook, and he will devote himself sincerely and completely to the partner he considers trustworthy.
If you mainly answered Cs You are a hopeless romantic:
The hopeless romantic is an idealist of epic proportions. As a dreamer and not a doer, you believe in love with all your heart, but you can be a bit tactless: you long for commitment, but do not know how to approach a relationship in a rational and clairvoyant way.
You can easily fall in love and throw yourself blindly into romances, often with unsuitable partners. In reality, you may be more in love with the idea of love than with the person in front of you.
Because you idealize love, you are unrealistic about the messiness that relationships bring. But your intentions are genuinely good: you just want to give and receive love.
If you are on the receiving end of this relationship, you will quickly find out that the hopeless romantic was ready to commit long before they met you. This type of attachment is unlikely to stray as they tend to be in love with one person at a time.
They are completely open and wear their hearts on their sleeves. To maintain a lasting relationship, the hopeless romantic must anchor themselves in the real world and exercise practicality and reasonable expectations of their better half.
If they can understand that a well-founded, slow-paced relationship is key, the hopeless romantic can achieve the lifelong love they dream of.
If you mainly answered Ds you are a workaholic:
As a Workaholic, you’ve probably built your life around your career. In fact, your work is more of a calling, one you chose long before you chose a partner.
But you still want the best of both worlds: the successful job and the perfect partner, and you’re not willing to compromise. Under no circumstances can you be with an obnoxious, possessive person who will prevent you from carrying out your mission; your partner will have to take your responsibilities into account.
You see the partner who is constantly on top of you as an added liability, and you let go of someone who isn’t contributing to your growth, just like you fire an employee who isn’t performing up to your expectations.
If you are on the receiving end of this relationship, you will find that making a Workaholic commitment means embracing their career wholeheartedly. They may work long hours or have a hectic schedule, but once the Workaholic is bonded, their partner becomes an indispensable part of their lives.
A little help goes a long way: the Workaholic appreciates a partner who can pack lunch or confirm appointments on extremely busy days.
Although the Workaholic is rational rather than romantic, they still need an outlet to release pent-up emotions. So they should be encouraged to talk, relax and participate in activities that relieve stress.
If you answered mainly Es you are a free spirit:
The Free Spirit is indecisive in everything they do and has difficulty engaging in multiple aspects of their lives, from relationships to work and habits.
If this appeals to you, you can change jobs, travel a lot and have fleeting friendships. You will need to learn how to manage conflictual tendencies so that you can let emotions come and go without acting on them impulsively.
The most suitable partner is one who sets small goals for you and encourages you to set one path for yourself and stick to it. This will remind you how rewarding it is to commit to something and see it through to the end. The more you are able to hold on to one job, project, or belief, the more likely you are to hold on to one relationship.
If you are on the receiving end of this relationship, you can quickly become frustrated. This archetype may claim they want to be in a relationship, but abandon ship when things get serious.
This kind of irrational behavior can leave their partner bewildered and blaming themselves, when in reality the Free Spirit is struggling with the idea of commitment itself. In short, the Free Spirit simply doesn’t know what they want.
They may have a vague idea, but when thinking comes to doing, the Free Spirit cannot carry it out. To teach them to get through it, their partner will first have to help the Free Spirit find their authentic self.
If you answered mostly Fs you are a wounded warrior:
Because they have been injured, the Wounded Warrior experiences a separation between the outside and the inside: the smile you wear on the outside does not match the turmoil you feel on the inside.
You may be dealing with a trauma that you don’t want to address and even want to suppress. But if you try to mask it, this trauma can flare up and cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
You will have to learn how to merge your inner and outer sides by unraveling your pain and then turning it into power. This starts by forgiving yourself for past mistakes and being proud of how far you’ve come.
If you are on the receiving end of this relationship, it is essential to understand that the Wounded Warrior must gently explore their memories and heal their submerged pain before they can commit.
This means that they must reconcile their past and build a bridge between the two elements of being that form one whole and courageous individual. Above all, the Wounded Warrior needs compassion and a lot of patience from his partner.
They can sometimes drive their partner crazy with their emotional outbursts, but the success of the relationship depends on their healing. After healing their wounds, this attachment type can develop a healthy, stable bond with another person.
If you answered mainly Gs you are a narcissist:
The narcissist has crossed the line from empowerment to entitlement, where there is little humility and much pride. The ego plays a crucial role in protecting us from harm, but your heightened ego can keep you from fully connecting with others.
This can make you seem superficial and bring your relationship to a standstill. You may have difficulty paying enough attention to your partner or meeting his or her needs because you focus so much on yourself. But if these character tendencies are softened, you can absolutely enjoy an enriching relationship.
If you are on the receiving end of this relationship, you should know that being with a narcissist requires certain sacrifices on your part. This archetype must learn to compromise.
Getting a narcissist to think he’s “right” is critical to the relationship, but once his complacency starts to get in the way, you’ll have to address the problem.
A narcissist can become seriously attached to you, but if his ego is bruised even a little, he will become just as defensive. Narcissistic behavior usually stems from deep-seated insecurities, which fuel the need to feel validated and admired.
Simply put, the person who chooses to be with a narcissist will have to be just as tough as their self-centered significant other. It is important to note that exhibiting narcissistic traits in an archetypal sense does not mean you have NPD or narcissistic personality disorder.
If you mainly answered Hs you are a well-rounded:
The Well-Rounded One wants a real relationship and is mentally and emotionally equipped to do so. You can provide engagement without having to overcome the mental and emotional hurdles of some other archetypes.
You’ve already done your introspective work, otherwise you might not have any significant personality flaws to begin with. Your barriers are truly lifted and you can give and receive love without obstacles. You do your best to find solutions to problems in your relationship, but you will not forfeit your well-being for the sake of any partner.
If you are on the receiving end of this relationship, your partner will teach you that versatility means being versatile and adaptable to changes and challenges as they arise. The main characteristic of this archetype is its malleability under different circumstances.
They are decent in every sense of the word and have no layers of psychological complexity to comb through. For this attachment type, relationships are perfect when they are balanced; the Well-Rounded One values honesty and reciprocity more than anything.
Their minds are at ease when they have a mission, a sense of purpose, and a life partner by their side. The Well-Rounded One is the loving ideal we should all strive for, in relationships and beyond.