Do YOU have a ‘mother wound?’ Psychologist reveals four signs you may have trauma from a lack of maternal attention in childhood – including perfectionism and control issues

A psychologist has discovered four signs that may indicate a mother wound.

Birmingham-based psychologist Dr Lalitaa Suglani, author of High-Functioning Anxiety A 5-step Guide To Calming The Inner Panic and Thriving, revealed that perfectionists and people who suppress their emotions are among those who may have a mother wound.

A mother wound is the pain, trauma and unprocessed emotions that are passed down through generations through the mother line.

Although not a clinical diagnosis, the mother wound is described by The Attachment Project as an attachment wound that occurs when “we were deprived of warmth, care, and attention from our mothers during childhood.”

The organization adds: “When a child receives physical care from its mother but no emotional support, we call this the mother wound.”

In a video posted to Instagram on the topic, Dr. Suglani discussed the different behaviors women with this type of wound may exhibit.

According to the psychologist: ‘A woman with a mother wound may struggle with issues such as perfectionism, where she constantly strives for perfection, believing that she can only earn love and acceptance by being perfect.’

She added that control issues can also be a problem for women with a wound on their mother.

In these situations, she may try to “control her environment and relationships to avoid disappointment, abandonment, and pain,” Dr. Suglani explains.

The third behavior she mentioned in the video was low self-esteem.

She said, “This is where she may feel unworthy and inadequate because of the conditional love and approval she may have received from her mother.”

Moving on to the fourth sign, the psychologist said, “Another problem is suppression of emotions. Here she may have difficulty expressing her emotions or even recognizing her own needs or feelings.”

Dr. Suglani concluded with a message of support to viewers: “Remember, you don’t have to earn your love.

“You don’t have to prove that you are enough, because you are enough, just the way you are, but you have to see that. And that’s where inner work is so powerful.”

The caption on the video provided some additional information.

Dr. Suglani wrote: ‘A woman with a mother wound also appears to be a mix of a high achiever, a perfectionist, and a people pleaser. [and] regularly feel overwhelmed.

She added that people with a mother wound can also be “guardian, combative, distrustful and vulnerable.”

The psychologist also discussed how the issue may affect the type of men heterosexual women enter into relationships with.

She explained that they may “select men who need her as a mother,” but “she is not cared for in return.”

This comes after Father Suglani revealed how to deal with a breakup when others try to minimise your pain.

In a recent video On Instagram, the psychologist discussed breaking up relationships and how painful it can be.

The video, titled Losing the Love of your Life, was accompanied by a caption about how people around you can behave after you’ve gone through a breakup.

‘Are you going through a breakup?’ the caption asked. ‘Don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking “it’s not that deep” – breakups can be incredibly painful.

‘I have seen many people disappear into the darkness after a heartbreaking farewell.’

She concluded the caption with a piece of advice: “Be kind to yourself. Give yourself the time and space to heal.”

In the video, Dr. Suglani talks about the impact a breakup with your partner can have on your mental health: ‘It can be so overwhelming when your relationship ends.

“It’s like we have to rethink our whole life without that person. And this grieving process is difficult and it’s different for each of us.”

She then explained that the “hard truth” is that “not everyone will understand your grief.”

The psychologist continued: ‘People may tell you to get over it now, or to find a new hobby, but it’s not that easy. It’s important that we don’t lose compassion for ourselves.

‘You know how much you loved each other and how much you cared about them in that relationship, and it’s important that you have the space to process that. [the feelings]to learn and understand more about how you want to come across in the future.’

Dr. Suglaani’s video followed an earlier after She talked about the seven emotional stages we go through after a loss or a breakup.

She said that everyone will go through the seven different stages she outlined at different times.

Speaking more broadly about loss and rupture, she noted that no one can predict exactly how long it will take to build a life around the pain.

In a caption to her post, the psychologist wrote: “Everyone is different. Don’t compare yourself to someone else’s journey.”

She continued: ‘A breakup can be very difficult and stressful, and there is no set way to deal with it.

Often your emotions are overwhelmed by many things at once and you wonder if what you are feeling is normal.

‘You may even feel overwhelmed by emotions for a while, it is normal to feel this way. It is a whole process to ‘let go’ of someone you really loved or the reality you thought existed.

“Your mind has to adjust to a new way of living without this person in your life.”

Dr. Suglani listed the seven emotional stages we go through after a loss or breakup, starting with shock and denial.

The second point she made, which will undoubtedly strike a chord with anyone who has experienced a breakup, is the feeling of a “desperate need for answers.”

Third, she reported feeling anxious, lonely, and sad.

In fourth place came bargaining, and in fifth place came anger.

The sixth emotional stage that Dr. Suglani mentioned was peace and acceptance.

And finally, in seventh and last place, she mentioned forgiveness.

The psychologist concluded her lengthy caption by emphasizing that going through these different stages is not a linear process.

She wrote: ‘You can go on and off these stages and be in more than one at a time. Be kind to yourself during this time.

“You are shifting. It may take time. And just because you feel ready to forgive, that doesn’t mean something else won’t make you angry or sad again.

“It’s about having the tools to regulate and manage the emotions that may come up. You get to a point where you’re not looking at the relationship through rose-colored glasses anymore.”

Another important point the psychologist made in the post was that no matter how much you might want it, one person alone “cannot make a relationship work if [they] are the only ones who want it to work.

“Healthy relationships require commitment from both partners, and you can’t blame yourself for not being able to maintain a relationship on your own,” she concluded.