Do YOU have a bromance? Scientists reveal how men express their feelings

Conventional wisdom says adult male friendships are a cold, inhospitable place with no nurturing or emotional support.

But researchers from the University of Sydney in Australia and the University of Westminster in the UK report that changing cultural norms are leading to an increase in “bromances.”

They also say that the loneliness crisis among men has been significantly exaggerated, despite widespread media coverage.

According to sociologist Alex Broom in Sydney and co-author Damien Ridge, a practicing psychotherapist in Westminster, supposed signs of aggression, such as insults and mocking banter, may actually be signs of genuine closeness.

“It is true that men often treat others differently than women,” they write.

“Focusing on the relative lack of verbal expression to suggest that male friendships are not close,” they argue, “we fail to see how men show closeness less clearly, in coded ways or even silently.”

In movies and TV, a quick joke between friends can be seen as a distraction: men avoid the serious stuff by taking it lightly. But Broom and Ridge have found that the truth is often quite the opposite.

They unpacked their theory, after reviewing peer-reviewed academic literature on male bonding over the past two decades, in an essay for The conversation.

They cite in-depth interviews with a sample of 30 Israeli military personnel, conducted by a behavioral scientist at Tel Aviv University, who found that humor — even insults — were often used to foster a sense of belonging..

The vets described “humorous interactions involving idioms, nicknames, swearing, nonsense talk, aggressive gestures and hugs,” according to the study“publicly staged under the guise of instrumental action.”

But all of these obscure on-duty messages, according to the researchers, were like a tease designed to get their fellow servicemen involved and bring them closer to true friendships.

“Maybe you get close enough further down the track and start tearing into each other,” said a male participant for another study they quoted, these published in the magazine Psychology of men and masculinity.

“I think when people hear you talk to other guys like that,” said the contestant, “they’ll know for sure you’re good friends.”

Grabbing a beer is a classic excuse for men to open up and express themselves, and the researchers noted that it was one of several location changes that helped men open up to their bromantic partners.

They referenced A study of 15 young Irish men (all aged between 19 and 30) who have struggled with the loss of a close friend to suicide in the past 5 years.

“Guys only talk when there’s beer on board, you know,” one test subject told the researchers, “when the watch is down.”

But the pub wasn’t the only option. In fact, Broom and Ridge found that men could build emotional intimacy everywhere from volunteer organizations to DIY workshops and hobby groups.

“We believe creating more of these safe zones for young men is key,” they write.

John Beckenbach, a program director in training and supervision of counselors at Chicago’s Adler University whose work was used by Broom and Ridge, tells the DailyMail.com that academics should involve men directly in these questions.

“I do agree with this article,” says Beckenbach, “but simply creating the space has to do with the reality that there’s a male discourse that says, ‘Don’t do that.’

“Instead of us deciding what we should do for men,” Beckenbach recommends, “ask them. “How would you like a space created for you to have this opportunity? What would that look like?”

Beckenbach’s own research shows that men often question their natural instincts in building close friendships because of their formative experiences with intimacy.

“This one surprised me at the time,” he told the DailyMail.com, “they all learned about intimacy from their mothers and their sisters and their first girlfriends. That’s what they say – and they’ve all been given the message that they’re doing it wrong.’

For Broom and Ridge, the trend towards more male intimacy can be partly attributed to generations’ changing attitudes to gender identity and male intimacy, wider social acceptance of homosexuality.

But Beckenbach adds that it’s very important to let men commit in their own way.

“Any version of improving ‘bromance,'” says Beckenbach, “that term makes my eyes twitch, by the way, must include the men you’re trying to influence.”

“You have to include them in the process. They must have a say.’