Divorced mothers move in together – a show how it REALLY is

Single mothers join forces under one roof to share the burden of household bills and child care.

These arrangements, called “mommunes,” are popping up all over America, with women taking to social media to share their experiences living together.

Kristin Batykefer’s marriage broke down last year and she lost her job, leaving her with no income and nowhere to go.

Two friends took her and her daughter, who is now four, to their home near Jacksonville, Florida. Not long after, Batykefer’s best friend Tessa Gilder got a divorce and also moved in with her two children – now five and one years old.

Now, 32-year-old Batykefer is sharing her “mommune” life with her 45,000 followers — as the women pool resources to raise their families.

According to the US Census Bureau, there were 10.9 million single-parent households with a child under the age of 18 in the US in 2022.

Of these single-parent families, 80 percent had a mother at the head.

said Batykefer The New York Times“When I had to leave my husband, all I could think about was how now I had to figure out how to do everything on my own – buy a house on my own, pay my bills on my own, and raise my child.” my own.

“I never thought of finding another single mom to live with and do it together. We just fell in. But now it’s like, why isn’t it more common for us to join forces?’

Batykefer, whose divorce was finalized in February and now shares custody of her daughter with her ex-husband, is thankful that Gilder’s daughter is the same age so the kids always have someone to play with.

She uses her social media presence to document how the women divide the care responsibilities for the three children living in the home.

In a TikTok post Batykefer told her 38,000 followers how when she got sick, the other three women in the house made her cookies and homemade vegetable soup and took her kids to the park so she could rest and recuperate.

“This is your cue to move into a mommune,” she wrote.

She also gives advice to others and encourages them to start their own so-called mommune.

In another video, she said, “If you’re a single mom, I’d say find another single mom that you share values ​​with and talk to her about it.”

Batykefer also demonstrates the benefits of living with other women — meaning she can hit the beach and go to concerts without worrying about the childcare responsibilities that come with being a single parent.

Batykefer and Gilder have also signed a deal with a television producer for a reality show – and hope to use the show’s money to buy and remodel their own fixer-upper over the next year.

The women are not alone in their lineup – and the lineup is certainly not a new idea.

Mothers, especially those in non-white communities, have shared the home for centuries.

But as many people have experienced a restructuring of their living arrangements during the pandemic, a new light has been shed on households with non-traditional housing structures.

So says Grace Bastidas, editor-in-chief of Parents.com The New York Times: ‘In Latino cultures there is the idea of ​​a co-mother – a person who supports you and helps you raise your children.

“At the height of the pandemic, we all started making these pods with people, so this is just another replay of that kind of collaboration.”

She continued: ‘We’ve been told it takes a village, but it’s not always there, and single mothers in particular are juggling rising living costs and reduced childcare options.

“This is part of the larger trend for parents to stretch the traditional boundaries of what constitutes a family and take matters into their own hands to find creative solutions.”

Last year, Holly Harper of Washington, D.C. shared how she and boyfriend Herrin Hopper bought a four-unit apartment building after separating from her partner for 17 years in 2018 and selling their childhood home.

She said the arrangement is a “children’s paradise.”

In an essay published by Insider she explained that she knew it would be impossible to find a duplex or apartment nearby on her “self-employed, single mom budget,” but she wanted to own something as an investment.

“To do this, I found another single mom with the same needs as mine — space, comfort, a home — to live with,” she wrote. “It’s been a life change, not just for us, but for our kids.”

Harper, who has one daughter, said she always longed for a family community like the one she’s seen on her favorite television shows. After her divorce, she “vowed to be open to unique opportunities” — and in this case, a unique living situation.

In a twist of fate, one of her best friends not only divorced her husband around the same time she divorced, but also shared her “community dream.”

However, they did not take the decision lightly. Harper explained that they approached the arrangement “like choosing a platonic husband.”