Dear Jane,
My wife and I have always lived a somewhat modest life; I work for a non-profit and she is a teacher, so our combined income isn’t really enough to give us a good life.
There have been some challenges along the way: times when we really thought we wouldn’t be able to make the rent, times when we lived off cans of soup or Kraft Macaroni and cheese, and many overnight stays because we couldn’t afford to go to fun places with friends bars.
We have been one unit through everything. We certainly had our moments, but we also supported each other very well, I think, during those difficult times.
I went to my parents for help a few times when things were really bad, and even though they didn’t have much money, they were kind enough to help out wherever they could.
But I’m tired of living paycheck to paycheck, so I started looking for other jobs. I love my current role, but I feel it is time to do something that will allow me to give my wife and our future family the life they deserve.
Dear Jane, I discovered that my wife has been hiding her trust fund from me for years, even though we are struggling to make ends meet
So imagine my shock when I recently opened the mail and came across some paperwork showing that my wife was in a trust fund worth over $450,000.
My eyes almost popped out of my head. She never said anything to me. I knew that she had had a very bad relationship with her parents growing up – so much so that she hadn’t spoken to either of them for years after their deaths – but how on earth did she hide this from me?
I’m so upset and mad at her. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s her job to provide for the two of us, but there have been times when this money could have literally saved us from homelessness.
And she never said anything about it. I was desperate for a new job, and yet she remained silent.
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I know I should talk to her about it, but I really have no idea where to start. Deep down I hope there’s a good reason she hid this money, but then so many other possibilities run through my mind, and I get so frustrated I can’t even look at her.
She knows something is going on – it’s been days – but I haven’t been able to bring myself to start that conversation because I just don’t know where to start.
Any ideas?
By,
The distrust fund
Dear distrust fund,
Money can be the source of so much dissatisfaction, as you are now discovering, and I can only imagine how you must feel, considering that you have had to ask your parents for help and have been looking for other jobs lately to supplement your income. .
I don’t know why your wife keeps this trust fund a secret, but she does.
There may be a number of reasons why she has chosen not to share this information (and this money) with you.
But until you tell her you know, and reveal how you feel about all the things you’ve done to keep the two of you afloat when she could have helped, you can’t guess or get over your frustration.
It’s always a lack of communication that gets in the way of an otherwise good relationship.
In this case, you can start by telling her that you discovered the trust fund and that you feel betrayed/ignored/alienated (insert the adjectives that best describe how you feel) because she doesn’t share this information with her. you share.
Whatever the reason for her abstinence, ask her to be honest with you.
Transparency is the only way the two of you can move forward, and no matter what transgressions you’ve committed, an open conversation where you can both hear each other is the way through this difficult conversation.
I wish you the best.