DEAR JANE: My vegan husband is refusing to allow MEAT at our wedding – I want to call off the ceremony
- In her latest column about Aunt Pain, bestselling author Jane Green offers advice to a bride who has seen a new side of her fiancé and now has cold feet
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Dear Jane,
My wedding is coming up in a few months… but during the planning, my fiancé and I have gotten into such heated arguments, especially over the food, that I’m not sure I want to go through with it.
My fiancée does vegan and it’s been that way since we met, which actually put me off when we first matched on Hinge because I’m a gal with a big craving for burgers and steak. But fortunately it never came between us – not even when we started cooking together at home.
However, when he proposed and we started planning our wedding, he told me he wouldn’t feel comfortable serving meat at the reception. Much of his family is vegan and he said they would feel offended if they were even near meat.
It’s been a bone of contention for months – to the point where we’ve even gotten into shouting matches in front of the caterer because he was angry that I’d even asked to taste a meat dish.
Dear Jane, My vegan husband wants to ban all meat from our wedding – even though he allows it in our house. His stubbornness has made me question whether we should really get married
He allows meat in our house, so it doesn’t make sense to me that he would want to ban it from our wedding.
I know my friends and family will be miserable at the idea of attending a vegan dinner – but when I brought that up, he made it seem like his family is the only one that matters.
The stubborn way he has handled this whole thing really gives me cold feet. I’ve seen a different side of him throughout this process that I didn’t know existed, and I’m terrified that I’ve made a huge impact. mistake and agreed to marry the wrong man.
International bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning issues in her column Dear Jane agony aunt
But is it stupid to cancel my wedding because of a steak!?
Help me please.
By,
Confused carnivore
Dear Confused Meat Eater,
It would be shortsighted to call off your wedding over a steak, but the steak in question is actually a sign of bigger problems, and you’re starting to see it.
Marriage is nothing but a compromise. Two people come together, each with their own beliefs, their own way of doing things, and no matter how justified each is that theirs is the right way, the way forward to peace and happiness is to find the middle way – the way which works for both, or doesn’t work for either at all.
The problem isn’t that your fiancé is vegan, it’s that he’s unwilling to consider a compromise for your wedding, where half of the guests will likely be carnivores.
This is surprising considering he already allows meat in your house, and I’m struggling to understand the reasoning behind his intransigence.
You say a lot of his family is vegan, which means not all of his family is vegan. I’m sure they are mature enough to handle people eating meat around them.
You need to figure this out with your husband, why he is so insistent, and then you need to reach a compromise that works for both your families.
This wedding is about both of you, and you both have the same needs. If he is unwilling to compromise, I think you may have discovered his fatal flaw.
Be very grateful that you discovered it before you got married, instead of after.