Dear Jane,
I’m facing a dilemma involving one of my best friends, and I’m not sure I can get past it.
You see, I grew up in a rural part of California, and the demographics are very politically divided. I’m in my 30s, so a lot of my friends are liberal and vote for Democrats, but I also have a handful of conservative friends.
Personally, I identify as a Republican, as does most of my family, and we all plan to vote for Donald Trump for the third time in the presidential election next month.
However, my best friend since primary school is very left-wing.
Dear Jane: My friend says she wishes Donald Trump had been killed and I plan to vote for him in November
After we graduated from high school, she went to UC Berkeley and her views became even more entrenched. She knows I’m looking in the right direction and that’s why we tend to avoid discussing politics.
Lately, however, she has been bringing up the elections more and more often.
She’ll say things like, “I don’t understand how these idiots can vote for Trump,” even though she knows I voted for him in the past.
Then, after the first attempt to kill Trump in July, my friend joked that she wished the shooter hadn’t missed. I was shocked, but I couldn’t turn her wild comments into a dramatic response.
However, after the second attempt on Trump’s life last month, she said it again — and this time she seemed serious.
She even told me she hoped there would be one third try to kill him.
Frankly, I’m disgusted by it. Even though I don’t like Biden and Harris, I wouldn’t wish harm on either of them.
Unfortunately, since my girlfriend made these comments, I have become increasingly uncomfortable around her.
Of course I love her deep down and don’t want to lose our friendship. But I feel offended because she considers me an ‘idiot’ and enjoys expressing such violent thoughts.
What do you think? Is it worth distancing yourself from a childhood friend because of foolish politics?
International bestselling author Jane Green provides sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her column about Aunt’s agony
By,
Conservative and concerned
Dear Conservatives and Concerns,
We all know how divisive politics can be and how angry people on both sides feel right now.
Despite what your friend said about the Trump assassination attempts, and as horrible as you found it, I hope you can frame her words as extreme upset and try to move on.
I’ve seen too many families and close friendships blossom because of clashing political views.
There was once a time when we could all listen to each other, even if we had very different opinions. We didn’t try to change other people’s opinions, or “cancel” them if they didn’t share our point of view.
But no longer. And that’s why I strongly believe that politics no longer has a place in most friendships.
However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t respond to what was said.
It sounds like you both have already acknowledged your political differences and yourself should can speak openly.
Tell her you love her, and the only way to protect your friendship is for both of you to agree right now to take politics off the table completely.
Then you can simply appreciate each other for all the other great qualities you both surely have, all of which are far more important than your respective political views.
I hope she values your friendship and respects you enough to agree. If she doesn’t, it might be time for you to move on.