DEAR JANE: My boyfriend revealed his BIZARRE celebrity crush – and it has completely turned me off him

Dear Jane,

My boyfriend and I recently had a discussion about our biggest celebrity crushes — and the name he revealed totally irked me.

For some background, I’m 23 and my boyfriend is 26. I’d say I’m a bit more ‘mature’ than him, so our three year age difference has never really been an issue as we hang out a lot. on the same page in terms of our lifestyle and our hobbies.

We’ve been dating for six months, so it’s not the most long-lasting relationship in the world, but I really feel like this is the real deal right here. Or at least I did.

So the other day we were having a few drinks and sharing stupid stories about our past relationships, and the subject of celebrity crushes came up. We looked at A Channing Tatum movie and I said that I had always found it very attractive, and that led to us both talking about the famous people we think are particularly popular.

He’s not really into celebrity culture, so said he’d never thought about it that much – but then said he’d always had a huge crush on Ariel. As in the Little Mermaid. The cartoon.

I don’t know what it is, but that whole idea really scared me. First of all, Ariel is a mermaid, which is just weird. Secondly, she is a naive, meek, male-obsessed character who basically gives up her entire life for a man. And third, I find it very strange that an adult man would be attracted to a character from a children’s movie.

Maybe it’s just me and making too much of a deal out of it, but it makes me feel a little… weird.

I haven’t said anything to him because I don’t even know how to really bring it up, but now I’m wondering if the feelings I’m experiencing are a sign that it’s just not that way?

By,

Celebrity crushed

Dear Celebrity Crushed,

I hate to tell you this, but I think, as you’ve already thought, that this might be you, and you’re putting a lot more energy into it than it deserves.

There is a whole generation of men who describe Jessica Rabbit as their perfect woman, and as strange as it may seem to some, the fact that a character is, for some, a fictional example of perfect femininity is exactly what attracts them. – it’s safe.

It is also much more normal than you think.

The fact that Ariel is naive, meek, and obsessed with men is undoubtedly something your boyfriend hasn’t even considered.

I imagine he is in love with her long red locks, curvy figure and – in his eyes at least – her eyes.

Japan has – of course, for anyone other than Japan to do this – created a huge industry based on cartoon characters, including anime, and its pornographic sister Hentai.

There’s a huge market for cartoon characters, and – for many – there’s nothing ‘ick’ about it.

I’m not sure it’s even worth talking to your boyfriend, unless of course you’re using this as an excuse to reconsider a relationship that may have other issues you’re not sure about.

I would let it go, but not before deciding if there might be something else about your friend or your relationship that is masking this discomfort.

Dear Jane,

In December 2023, I moved from my home of 25 years to live with my elderly parents so I could help my sister care for them.

The realization was that the situation was temporary and that I would eventually find my own place.

Fast forward to now, and we’ve realized that my dad might not make it this year. He told me that my mother needs someone to live with her when he is gone, so I have resigned myself to staying here to continue caring for her.

The thing is, my sister now brags about going out every night with her many friends and how much fun she is having, while I do nothing but take care of our parents and work my part-time job. I have no friends here and I feel like she left me with the lion’s share of the work when it should have been split between us.

I also recently learned that even though I live here, my parents left this house to my sister, even though she already has her own place.

I realize that my sister cared for them for fifteen years before I moved here, but she also chose to move here knowing and accepting that she would have to care for them. This wasn’t my choice, my parents literally demanded I move here to help.

I’m 55, soon to be 56. I feel like I’m drowning. This shouldn’t be my life and I don’t know how to approach my parents to discuss this with them.

By,

Furious in Florida

Dear Furious in Florida,

How my heart aches for you. I understand exactly what you are going through and how unfair it is.

There always seems to be one brother or sister who ends up taking on the lion’s share of caring for an elderly or frail parent, while the other spends their life without a care in the world.

I wonder what would happen if you continued to care for your parents, but part-time.

If you can afford to move, I would do so, with your sister on a schedule so that the two of you can split your time. It will be much easier to say no if you are not permanently there to do her share of the work.

Most people will get away with as much as they are allowed to get away with.

Your sister won’t magically reappear unless and until you start setting the boundaries. Ideally, this means moving, but even if you stay home, get your sister involved in making a schedule.

And if this doesn’t work, can you turn to local resources? While we all have a duty to care for our elders as they age, full-time caregiving is not part of the deal.

Hiring a temporary caregiver to help you will give you your life back. Your parents may have given you life, but it is neither appropriate nor normal to expect you to give up yours for them.

I know how painful this is, and I send you love and strength.