Dear Jane,
My boyfriend and I are both in our late twenties and we have been together for over three years.
For the past few months, I had a feeling he would propose soon, even though I wasn’t sure.
His family lives in Florida and we planned a short trip last week to visit them for his mother’s 60th birthday.
But on the last day of our trip, my boyfriend insisted that the two of us spend the day at Disney World in Orlando.
I have to say I found this bizarre. I’m not a big fan of theme parks and had no idea he was either. But I went on the excursion anyway and was happy to stroll around the resort, eat some junk food and go for a few rides.
But as the sun set, my friend did the unthinkable. And as we stood in the shadow of Cinderella’s Castle, he got down on one knee… and proposed!
Dear Jane: My boyfriend proposed in the worst possible place
I was completely humiliated. The people around us started clapping and cheering. Some even took photos and videos of us.
I immediately tried to drag him off the floor so we could escape the public humiliation, but he joked that he wouldn’t budge until he got an answer.
So…I said no.
We immediately left the park and drove in silence back to his parents’ house. As you can imagine, things have been awkward since then.
I love my boyfriend so much but I’m questioning everything now.
He chose to propose to me in a place that is not only humiliating, but also has no meaning to either of us or our relationship.
International bestselling author Jane Green provides sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her column about Aunt’s agony
What should I do?
By,
Disney disaster
Dear Disney Disaster,
We are all human and doing our best. Yet we still make mistakes.
When people we love mess up, instead of blaming them, it’s best to find the grace to forgive them. It’s important to remember that their intentions were always good, even if the end result wasn’t what we wanted.
The fact is that your boyfriend loves you and was trying to find a memorable way to propose to you.
It wasn’t what you had in mind, and the setting didn’t have any special meaning, but this is it not something I would blame him for.
If you can find it in yourself to forgive him, this can be something you laugh about together for many years to come.
He did his best and you should try to focus on the fact that he loves you enough to propose in a public place, which is a very brave thing to do regardless of where he did it.
I have to imagine that as humiliated as you were, he was equally humiliated by you trying to drag him away and then saying no.
A proposal only lasts a few minutes and is much less important than a marriage, which (hopefully) lasts a lifetime.
At least tell your friend why you were upset. But honestly, this is eminently forgivable and certainly shouldn’t determine the progress you make.
Dear Jane
I am 47 and recently divorced from my wife of 15 years for many reasons, including lack of sex.
I would say I have a healthy appetite for sex and now that I have met a new lady the sex is good.
But one time, during our pillow talk, she told me that for years she had sex with her ex twice a day on average.
Maybe I’m a little naive, but that blew me away. We have sex about twice a week, which I thought was a good amount.
Now I’m afraid she isn’t as sexually attracted to me as she was to her former partner. Maybe I’m not enough for her.
It is true that she has gone through menopause since she ended her previous relationship. Could that help explain why she’s no longer as sexually active?
What do you think: is twice a week normal?
By,
Bruised manhood
Dear bruised manhood,
It might be a good idea to read about menopause and how it affects a woman’s libido. If your post-menopausal girlfriend is having sex twice a week, I’d say you’re in a good position.
Women’s estrogen levels decrease during menopause, and more than a third of women experience changes in their desire for sex, as well as their ability to enjoy it.
Vaginal dryness, pain, bladder problems and simply not wanting to have sex can all cause problems in the bedroom for couples.
Your relationship is new and sexual desire is always greater in the beginning, regardless of age.
You may find that, as the relationship progresses, your twice-weekly rolling in the hay decreases. That would be completely normal!
Ultimately, what matters is that you are both happy.
The dynamic your friend had with her ex will undoubtedly be different from the bond you share.
No matter how lively their sex life may have been, remember that it wasn’t enough to keep them together.
There is an expression that says that comparison is despair. Comparing your antics in the bedroom to her past sex life will only lead to upset.
She’s with you, and sex twice a week after menopause is something to applaud, and certainly nothing to worry about.