DEAR JANE: My boyfriend has BANNED me from going to my best friend’s wedding… because I had a one night stand with the chef YEARS ago
- In her latest column on aunt’s pain, bestselling author Jane Green gives advice to a woman whose boyfriend has given her a shocking ultimatum
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Dear Jane,
My boyfriend and I were going to our first wedding as a couple next month.
My best friend is getting married, I’m a bridesmaid and I was so excited to finally bring a boyfriend and not be the only single girl in the room.
However, the bride just told me that the chef for her wedding is a man I had a one-night stand with a few years ago. It wasn’t a problem, just a fun drunken night; I’ve run into him a few times since then and it was always friendly.
I told my friend he would find it funny, but he was shocked.
He says he can’t be in the same room as one of my old contacts, and he’s angry that I would even think about going there with this guy.
Dear Jane, my boyfriend is trying to ban me from going to my good friend’s wedding because he found out I had a one night stand with the chef – and says he’ll break up with me if I go
I told him he was insane and we probably wouldn’t even see the chef. Now he says he definitely won’t be coming to the wedding, and I shouldn’t be either. I am really upset and also think this is a totally overreaction.
Should we both avoid everyone we’ve ever been with in the past? My boyfriend is a great guy and normally very rational and easy going so this feels weird.
I have no idea what to do now. There’s no way I’d cancel my boyfriend right now, but I don’t know how my relationship is going to survive this.
Best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on the burning issues of DailyMail.com readers in her Dear Jane, Pain Aunt column
Any idea how I can make him see the mind?
By,
Can’t stand the heat
Dear Can’t stand the heat,
Get out now. I can’t be clearer.
This kind of jealousy is a deal breaker in relationships.
Like you said yourself, do you avoid everyone we’ve ever been with in the past?
It is unrealistic and immature to think that someone from the past, especially someone who was just a one-off, could threaten or influence today’s relationships.
Many of my husband’s best friends were lovers at some point, and I don’t care because I’m secure enough in myself, in our relationship, and in his love for me to know that we all have a past. Some of those women have even become good friends of mine.
Anyone demanding that you cancel an event, or refusing to attend an event because an ex is there is essentially waving a giant red flag at you.
It is not only jealous behavior, but also controlling, and this type of behavior only increases as people become more comfortable in the relationship.
Thank the Lord, or the universe, or whatever higher power you believe in, for showing you his true nature before it’s too late, put on your best dress, go to the wedding and have a great time. And who knows, the chef is still single…